I just had a dream that some guy gave me a facial piercing high up on my cheek. There was lots of pain, lots of blood, and an almost erotic rush afterward. Needless to say, it was really fucking weird.

I've only been sleeping in tiny increments of a few hours here and there because my ear/neck hurts so goddamn bad that the moment the tylenol or ibuprofen wears off, I am wide awake.

Anyhow... that dream was fucking bizarro.

Demon spawn have been nibbling on me in my sleep and thus causing an allergic reaction all over my body. It does not make for a very happy Fyxy.

Procrastination is at an all time high, folks. What you see here is a failure to... get off my ass.

I am so fucking tired. But I still want to cuddle D: Man, this sucks. I'm getting a headache from trying to not go to sleep, and it's not even 9pm. Efffffffff.

The good news is that I am off tomorrow and Sunday by some magical stroke of luck. /cheer.

Fuck it. I can't write anything right now.

I have this nasty habit of pulling away from people after I've unknowingly upset them or I think I've upset them... But I'm not sure... And I don't know how to bring it up or fix it. Go me. I'm downright avoidant and childish, sometimes. But I would rather have a good pout or hide in the corner while scratching my head than make things worse.

Occasionally, I cowboy up and awkwardly try to talk to the person whose cereal I pissed in. My temper usually makes this a very bad attempted resolution, though. I find it better to just wait out the storm clouds and resurface when the skies are clear. Of course, this can sometimes lead to profuse bottling of emotions and tongue-biting. Passive-aggressive bullshit is a fine art.

And on that note, it's time to turn in and "woe is me" away in the paper diary.

I'm finally starting to feel a bit more... For a while there, I was going completely numb. This happens when I'm over-stimulated or under-stimulated. For the most part, I've just been a ball of confusion, lately. The fog is clearing, though, so hopefully I'll be more motivated to get things done.

This is a very good thing. For the last several months, all I have been doing is sleeping and working. I've put off several fucking things that need to be done... for no other reason than laziness coupled with depression. It's hard to find motivation to do anything when you feel like crap all the time.

I swear to [insert deity of choice here], I was losing all feeling emotionally. Even at my worst, I couldn't squeeze out a single tear for self-pity. Even the most intimate moments in my life were filtered down to tactile sensations... I might as well have been reading a book.

Work's shitty scheduling has been kicking my ass. I just need to roll with it, though... Stop being so selfish about time that I don't even use wisely.

I spent my two days off last week being sick with a cold. Fortunately, it's leveled off and hasn't drained into my chest. Sinus headaches and congestion abound, but I feel a lot better than I did just two days ago. I must have slept 12 hours on each of those days.... Being sick doesn't usually wipe me out like that. The night before last and last night, I didn't sleep for shit, so I'm going to crash early tonight. Gotta work 7-4 tomorrow, anyway, so I might as well go to bed at a decent time.

I just hope I can hang onto this reprieve from feeling poorly.

Fuck you, body. Seriously. My period started today, so that explains the radical mood swing...

It's been exactly 17 days since my last period. If you can call it that.

Rage.

I bought 2 CDs today to make the day a little more enjoyable: Shiny Toy Guns, "We are Pilots" and Nightmare Revisited, which is Nightmare Before Christmas songs re-imagined by artists including Shiny Toy Guns. Mwahahaha....

I still prefer to buy CD's rather than download songs. Don't get me wrong, I have a huge fucking collection of music on my computer and Zen, but I like to have something tangible. While I know that everything suffers or is blessed with impermanence, data on a hard drive is much more susceptible to being lost forever than my CDs. Chances of a hard drive dying/frying/being shocked are greater than the chances of my CDs taking water damage or being lost to fire or carelessness.

Which reminds me.... I should back up my MP3s.

I hate feeling like a grouchy bitch... but, mother of cocks, am I ever in a mood right now. The last couple of hours, I've been fuming with supreme hatred for every little goddamn thing, and I have no idea what's brought this on.

Let's go with lack of sleep and low blood sugar... even though I ate a lunchable a couple hours ago. Yeah, I need to go grocery shopping. Eat me.

It feels like... super-mega-testosterone PMS; however, I just had a period (if you can call it that) a few weeks ago. It was a few days early and came and went before you can say "stick this up your twat and be merry." Dunno what happened there... I was doing so well for a few months, then my body just said, "No, fuck you, we don't want to work this month."

Damn you, ovaries! Don't you sass me!

Maybe I should get on the pill or get another prescription for metformin -_- Blahhhhhhhh.... that means going to the gyno. I will wait and see how the next couple months go before I resort to that shit.

Hi, my name is Fyx, and this entry is apparently about my hoochacha.

Why am I so angry? Screw this with a packet of hot sauce. I'm going to bed.

Hmmm... I am at a loss for words to describe where I am in life right now. I need a nice, swift kick in the mental ass to get me out of this stupor. Everything is mundane and nothing is beautiful.

Boys on my left side, boys on my right side, boys in the middle, and you're not here, as Tori would sing.

I would give anything to shed this unneeded drama from my life, but I'm sure we all feel that way, yes?

Looking for that divine intervention that never comes, reaching for that rope that's never thrown, waiting for that hand-up that's never offered.... It's not coming, Fyx. Unfurl your wings and get the hell off the ground on your own.

Men are strange creatures. I will never claim to understand them.

That aside, I have 11 spider bites on me, and I'm slowly going insane from itching so badly. I bought calamine lotion and anti-itch cream for bug bites. They can only do so much.

Why the fuck do spiders like me so much and mosquitoes don't?

I just randomly started thinking about this girl I used to know through ICQ named Rhapsody. She was my one and only girl crush. :3

I still wonder to this day whatever happened to her. She vanished into thin air.

I just took a lortab, so I'm feeling all warm and weird. I felt like I needed it, though. My shoulders have been aching while I'm in bed, and my upper back/shoulders have been aching during the rest of the day. Not to mention my gimp lower back and that weird nerve pinch in my right leg. WTF?

And I don't really want to think about things that I've been thinking about today. Zwoooooooshhhhhhhh.

I don't feel comfortable airing out the sordid thoughts in my head as I once did here. This is partly because I'm aware of people close to me being able to read this... and that makes the writing less diary-like and more blog-like.

It's a pity because I have some pretty terrible emotions spilling out of my very fingertips and, as cathartic as it would be to share them, I am afraid to do so.

So, it all stays in my head or gets scribbled down in other places.

My procrastination is getting out of hand. I am not motivated to do anything, even if it desperately needs to be done. For examples, my car still needs to be fixed, and it's been about 3 weeks since I cracked the windshield, too. I never ventured over to school to see about getting my AA. I haven't looked into an orthodontist in months. I never went to the doctor about my ears. Etc.

I don't have the willpower to do anything for myself. Work, piddle, sleep. That's how my days unfold.

I'm not a very happy person, but then... when was I ever? I function better under certain circumstances, and circumstances right now aren't exactly rainbows and lollipops. In theory, I should be pretty content. I have a nice place to live, I'm paid very well at a work (which would be even nicer if they'd stop cutting hours), and my family and friends seem (for the most part) well. So, why am I such a misanthropic, lazy, depressed, unstable fucker?

I'm emotionally conflicted, for one. That's one of those things I don't want to write about here. YAY!