I went to bed last night before 11pm and slept 'til 6:30am, when I got up to pee and check my messages. After that, I promptly dove back into bed and slept on and off until just a few minutes ago. It was bliss, and it's amazing how much better one feels after sleeping through the night like we are supposed to do.

It doesn't happen often for me, since I'm a night owl. I actually had several dreams, too, but I can't remember any of them as a whole.

Now there's a tabby staring at me from between my feet.

My ears refuse to be normal.... The left one in particular is still bothering the shit out of me.

Huff... Time to go Wii Fit and make breakfast/lunch/whatever!

I am quickly losing sight of who I once was or who I am... And I'm not sure if she'll ever come back.

A thousand times through the night, I wanted to crack open a can of worms and just guzzle them without pride, but I failed.

I hate it when things are complicated. I've made some poor choices and don't know how to undo them. We all do from time to time, ne?

Tears stream... down your face... I need a shower.

"Your selfless side needs to get in better balance with your more self-oriented side. Have you been helping too many people for too long and neglecting your own needs? The biggest problem with giving all the time is that pretty soon you have nothing left! Putting other people first is getting less and less realistic -- you have got to start conserving your energy for your own needs. Start saying 'no' a little bit more often. It gets easier and easier each time you do it."-- astrology.com

"Laughter is a wonderful way to smooth over problems and difficulties, especially with today's astral energy. There is a lot of real magic about today, so take advantage of this to do something special. Talk about all the positive things that you feel about each other, and the love that you share. If you have been through a rough patch, forgive and forget. Start afresh!"
and
"Today should be a gratifying day, dear Pisces, full of great news, pleasant surprises and opening up doors of opportunity on just about every level. Career breaks and opportunities to earn more money could come your way; new friends could be introduced to you, and opportunities for education and travel also may be presented. Whatever actually manifests out of all this, however, is up to you. You might find decisions difficult." -- astrology.msn.com

>_> H'okay.

Weeee I volunteered to go in earlier to work tomorrow to help with remodeling the department. It's a bit of a pinch... I'll get off work earlier, but I'm not tired now, so I'll be sleepy after work.

I'm slowly coming out of my foul mood. Going to try to do something more about that this weekend. Every time I slip up lately, that gaping emotional void opens up and sucks me dry. So, I'm going to be extra nice to myself this weekend and not slip up like a retard.

I'm just so fresh and so clean.

I do love showers... ever so much. Baths, too. ~.~ Taking a lot of the latter, lately. I think I'm turning into a fish.

Mm raining again. Time to play soft music and curl up with a book, methinks.

Don't you hate it when you don't feel like yourself? Or when you don't particularly feel like anyone, yet you're forced to carry on in this foreign body like no one is going to notice you tripping over the feet that don't quite fit?

Maybe now would be a good time to clam up and leave other people alone. I feel like I'm hurting other people without even opening my mouth.

What the fuck have I gotten myself into now?

I need a shower. I can't hear out of my left ear again. It feels like I'm giving birth through my ear canal right now.

Oh, and did I mention I feel like a black hole? :D

Or a bottomless pit.... Well, whichever, everything felt for me and everything I feel disappears very quickly in the void. I can't hold onto any emotion of affection or adoration for anyone, and it's driving me insane.

I feel unloved and lost.

This blanket of numbness is smothering me to the point that I can't sense anything. Strangely, I feel tortured for being unable to return any shred of longing beyond this blanket.

Confusion is a lovely state to witness, but living in it is disagreeable.

Frigid bitch signing off.

I am having one of those terrific days in which nothing is going right. Everything I have touched today has turned to shit.

I was thinking about going to see a movie in a little while, but now I think it would be best that I stay home... in case I start WWIII by somehow offending the gods with my clumsiness.

Ugh... I can't even finish my broccoli & cheese, I'm so grouchy.

Yes, I think I will just relax this evening by myself. Perhaps it's my knee deciding to be gimpy for no apparent reason that's making me so clumsy and bitchy. Maybe it's my earache... which was actually gone for a few weeks but has now returned. Maybe it's the lack of human contact! Customers aren't human. :P

I could use company at some point... though I am working a lot the next few days. My room mate is good company, but we can only exchange so much conversation before we both start drooling and go plug ourselves into our computers.

Maybe that's not what I need at all. Huff. I'm going to go find something to do that won't drive me insane.

Weee I got 7 inches of hair cut off... and it's still past my shoulders. Oh, well. I still haven't gotten my car fixed. The place I took it to didn't work on transmission (even though I'm not certain it is the transmissions....). So, I got an oil change and a hair cut. Woopi.

Hey, I was trying to be productive. What do you want from me? ;;

This stretch of days off has spoiled me. I'm going to be a ray of fucking sunshine later this week.

I've been fidgety the last few days, and it's probably from lack of activity. I don't have enough things to do when I have so many days off. Normally, my days off fly by because I'm doing a billion things, then resting. So, today's my last blissful day to myself until next Monday... I should probably do something fun.

Recently, I started getting back into my jewelry. That is, trying to remember that I have it. Sadly, none of my rings fit on the right fingers anymore. FAT FINGERS. =(

What the fuck am I even writing for?

My dad called earlier... And after a few crossed lines and phone troubles... Told me he went to the doctor today. Something is wrong with his gall bladder, and they're going to do more tests. :/

I hope he's okay. Silly old folks... falling apart and such.

I'm about to begin a lovely few days off. It will be blissful and oh so lovely. Perhaps I'll get some things done... perhaps not.

Tra la di da.

I have a really bizarre work schedule unfolding this week. I work tomorrow, and then I'm off Thursday through Monday. Then I work six days in a row. I've been getting a lot of 40 hour weeks, which is fine. I hate working 6 days in a row... but after a 5 day break.... Um... No, I'm still going to hate it.

That's practically a vacation! What the hell am I going to do with myself? O_o

Crap, I should have gotten my car looked at today. I totally forgot. Murrr....

Is evil in the flesh?

Remember how I was saying it's hot? Well, it's not hot anymore. I'm bundled up in a hoodie and freezing my ass off. As all sorts of sordid shit goes through my mind, I can't grab onto any one thought because all I can think is, "Peas and rice, my feet are cold."

Yeah, I believe it's nappy time.

Oh, man, Spring, where have you gone? Sure, everything is lush and green and blooming, but this heat? Is this really necessary? I want wind back. Hopefully, it will cool off this weekend, when it's supposed to rain.

I sense female bits trying to function again. If so, there's probably going to be a shit-storm of hormone induced mood swings shortly. Ah, well, I'll be too busy working to heed them :x

Rarrrr...

I ran into someone from high school today. I am always amused by how much older they look, whereas I have pretty much remained the same. People never guess my age correctly when the subject of age arises. I'd be lying if I wrote that that didn't make me smile. Mwahahahaha! I'm sure it'll all catch up to me at once. Although, both of my parents have aged pretty well.

Speaking of parents, I've only heard from my mom once since I moved here. My dad at least calls from time to time. Haven't heard from my sister at all.

Sleep beckons. I'd like to get up a little bit before I have to zip off to work tomorrow, so I'll just think of something to write later.

I hate hangovers. Who doesn't, right? I don't drink often. When I do, I usually hover over that fine median between tipsy and sober. That's the best place to be if you're going to drink.

So... why I had so much to drink last night, I'll never fucking know. What I do know is that my head feels like a shattered egg, and the yolk is spilling from every crack.

It's gotten better, though. After I came home, I took a long shower and soaked in the tub... then I had some rather bad sleep off and on for 5 hours or so. Finally, I couldn't take the crappy waking dreams, so I got up and made something to eat and here I am.

It all starts out so innocently, doesn't it? Come over, hang out.... So, I went. Ended up following another coworker back to her place where she dropped off her car, then I brought her back to the party. This one... This married one, I should have known she was trouble. She misled her husband about what was going on. Watching movies, my aching ass.

Four or five drinks in, we were all mildly amused and happy drunks. This guy I don't know from Adam was flirting with me much to my chagrin. I about died laughing when he asked if/why I didn't have a "boo." Then there was this other guy I work with flirting with me, which was totally unexpected and somewhat strange. Of course, the host was being flirty, too... which is about all that kept me there. For there was drama about to be had at that point, and it came in bucketloads.

The hostess has a breakdown in the depressing shit department. After we perk her up, married girl has a wee bit too much to drink and is all over a guy she used to work with who is mutual friends with the hostess. Of course, a full spectrum of reactions to this unfold.... Some are angry, some are hands-off, some are doing whatever is necessary to reign her drunk ass (which she insisted was not drunk) in. She wound up in the upstairs bathroom for several hours. (Been there, done that, as they say.)

(I'd like to take this moment to announce that Shadow has been stalking me since before I even got out of bed. She is bound and determined to have my full attention one way or other.)

So, then, another coworker had a panic attack, and people disappeared one at a time trying to comfort her. Eventually, I sprouted a pair and drug her outside to relax and get a grip. Surprisingly, my silken tones and the dewy grass are just enough to pull her together.

Back inside, the party has thinned out. Around 5am, the people I care about have either passed out, left, or disappeared. I was left with panic attack girl as she pulled up videos on youtube.com and sang along with them. After a few minutes of this, I thought my brain was going to explode through my eye sockets, so I decided to go home.

I was the only sane (HAHAHAHAHAHA) female there. No tail was had, just a whopping headache and terrible hangover. It still feels like something is missing... Other than brain cells.

Huff, I not doing that again for a long, long time. Alcohol is so foul. -_-

I finally got around to updating/renewing my driver's license. Also went to the bank and ordered new checks. Then, I went grocery shopping! The excitement never stops. Now, there's a Shadow staring at me very intently, no doubt wondering when I'm going to eat so she can weave around my feet.

Calling, calling, spirits rise and falling.

I've felt like drawing lately, but I don't have any focus or will to bother... if that makes any sense. I feel like I need real life subject matter to sharpen my skills that have dulled over the years. Maybe piddle around with ink or charcoal. Meh, I don't know.

My number is brand new, and I've gotten 3 telemarketing calls already. Needless to say, the first thing I did when I got one the other day was sign up on donotcall.gov. Bitches.

I should probably go by my dad's place to pick up whatever mail of mine that's sitting there. Hopefully no bills D:

Murr... Murr Murr. I guess I'll put some pictures up in my room. Boring day so far!

I love slow...slow but deep. Feigned affections wash over me.

Days off are so lovely. Actually, I have a ton of errands to do... but I only managed to complete 2, because I am a lazy bitch when I have two days off in a row. The first day is spent just like this: I do a few minor things around the house, run a couple errands, then sit on my ass the rest of the day. I'll probably do a few more things around the house tonight. The sea of boxes is shrinking a bit.

*30 minutes later*

I just got the urge to clean up again, so I had to go with it.

I still need a bed. And some sort of dresser or something. The place is still a mess, but it's getting better a little every day. We still haven't put anything on the walls. :x And I need a big curtain for my window at some point.

Back to cleaning up.