Sleeping with Ghosts

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Dissatisfied and Disillusioned

2007-05-27 - 6:01 a.m.

Lately, I've been thinking about a lot of people from my past. This past wasn't so long ago in my mind. In fact, some of it feels like it just happened yesterday. Funny thing, getting older: everything starts to blur together. I guess it's easier to take them for granted that way. Feeling like you just met someone yesterday doesn't feel so bad when you neglect them after a year long relationship. Or something. I could still talk to some of these folks like no time has passed at all.

Bah, don't mind me. I've been sick the last few days and quite out of my fucking mind. While I don't appear to have a fever, the last several days have felt more like a fever dream than reality. Sometimes I have to concentrate on the moment to ground myself. It's getting harder and harder to do so, though. Perhaps my mind is whithering!

I should be sleeping now, of course, but my mind is plundering on... unable to rest. Or maybe I'm afraid of resting because I know that, inevitably, a new day will be before me when I wake up. Another miserable day. I long to rest, knowing that there is nothing to be done when I get up... no place I have to go and force myself to care about things of no importance to me. If I could rest like that every day, I think I might very well be a happier person. But there is always something to be done. Some place to be.

28 brain bleaches later

2007-05-18 - 2:25 a.m.

So, Toni and I went to see 28 Weeks later.

SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING

It sucked horribly. It was written like a bad fan-fic. I'll walk you through some of the total suck:

The Rage Virus has wiped out Britain save for the few who have holed up and survived and the people who were lucky enough to not be on the island. The US army has taken it upon themselves, via the UN, to repopulate the country. They have slowly been transporting people onto an isolated island, supposedly the safest place in the country as it's been fortified and secured by the army. 15,000 people populate the area. One man, who fled from a house after separating from his wife who was in mortal peril is now a caretaker on the island. Somehow, being a janitor has given him access to... everything. Even the medical lab. A janitor. Access to an area where the virus is being studied. And this medical lab is on the same fucking island as the 15,000 other people. Sure, that seems logical. If you're fucking retarded.

Well, the man's children get shipped back into the country and onto the island. They had been in Spain while the Rage Virus swept through Britain. He tells them that their mother died. The son and daughter get off the secure island... by crossing a bridge all stealthy-like. What the shit? How were they even able to get to this bridge? The sniper who saw them could have... I don't know, radioed someone to catch them before they got across and into the city. But, no, they got through the uber security protecting 15,000 people from the infected (who are all dead, but the army is heavily armed, just in case). The kids take a scooter they find on the street and magically whisk through the abandoned city to their house.

Several things are wrong here: 1) They get off the island, 2) They find a scooter that happens to have enough fuel to get them to their house, 3) London is fucking enormous... they drove for quite a while (who knows with movie time, but it seemed like it wasn't very far)... how convenient that the girl knows exactly how to get to the house and without being caught by the army. I could go on and on.

They get to their house and discover that their mother has somehow gotten from the English countryside back to the house. Somehow the zombies didn't rip her to pieces. What a lucky gal. The army shows up and takes them back to the island. Crazy mum, too. It never says how they knew where to find them. I assume that they IDed the kids they were searching for and thought, "Hey, let's go check their house... Even if we know shit about England, I'm sure we can find it with our high-tech gizmos. And fast, too! Even if we are too dumb to catch them before they get over the puny bridge."

Woopdidoo. They quarantine the mother separately from the kids. After all, they've been out there among the NASTY VIRUS infected city. No reason not to have the medical facility near 15,000 people. But quarantine those damn kids.... in rooms even a lowly janitor can get into. Right.

They strap the mother down, run some tests. Oh, hey, she's infected... but immune. Doot dee doo... Nothing to worry about there. Instead of moving her to a more secure location immediately, they keep her in that room with no one--not a single guard--watching over her.

The dad comes to see his kids, and they get angry at him that he told them she had died (he assumed that she had as he ran away with dozens of zombies after him at the beginning of the film). Well, he sneaks off with his access card (DUN DUN DUN) and sees his wife. He gets infected by her, violently kills her, then runs around infecting others until all hell breaks loose.

Here's another part that irks me something awful. Hundreds of people are evacuated into a basement.... and they get locked in, except for this flimsy door that 1 zombie pokes right through.

Dozens after dozens infected, people screaming and bursting through the door to get out, blah blah blah. The dad-zombie is still somehow... cognitive? He recognizes his children and really wants to kill them. The army gives up and decides to nuke the island and contain the virus by killing everyone. I guess it would have made less sense to gas the entire building where they have reports of infection after locking it down first. High-tech! Skip onward, and a sniper tries to lead the kids to safety (the kids are with a medical officer who thinks they could also be immune to the virus since their mother was, so they are "invaluable"). That is, he wants his helicopter pilot buddy to pick them up. Buddy refuses to take the kids... just want to pick up the sniper and tells him to meet him at the stadium. Again, I'm perplexed out an American soldier knows the layout of London so well, but I'll suspend belief for a few trite things. Skip onward some more and the group is in the streets as the army is dropping chemical weapons in the streets. It makes the zombies drop like flies but doesn't seem to harm the group who are inside a car and breathing through their shirts. The car won't start, so the sniper gets out and pushes it to get it rolling. He does so, then gets fried to a crisp by some army guys with flame throwers.

Later, dad-zombie mysteriously finds them again and kills the medic. The kids get separated. The daughter shoots the dad right after he infects his son. The kids get to the stadium... And helicopter guy picks them up. (How he has fuel after flying around for god knows how long, I don't know. I don't know much about Helicopters.) They fly away from England and... crash into France? Or something... and apparently the infected kid (who is immune like his mother... how the fuck you're immune to something called the "Rage Virus" ONLY BAD SCRIPT WRITERS KNOW!) plants sweet kisses all over the wreckage. (It doesn't show this, it just shows the empty helicopter... then some zombies flailing and then the Eiffel Tower. Lame, I know.)

There's a lot of dumb shit I didn't mention, but this summary has taken me long enough. I kinda knew going in that the movie was going to be stupid, but it was stupid in a completely different way than I had imagined. I thought it was going to be some big, American, action flick... But it was just a sad piece of poop on the toilet paper of someone's mind. As Toni pointed out, even the music was lame. They used a couple of the tracks from the first movie over and over. Spare yourself and do not pay to see this movie. If you must see it, wait until it's on TV. At least then you'll be able to get up and walk away or switch channels without missing $. You'll thank me later.

Forgive the typos and such. 3am and all.

wow.

2007-05-12 - 3:00 a.m.

This entire day has been rather... sucktastic, if I do say so. Write so. Whatever. I woke up 2 hours late for work because I forgot to turn on my alarm clock (I set the thing... I just forgot to actually turn it on. It's a radio alarm clock). Because of this, I stayed an hour later at work. You have no idea how tempting it was just to call in the entire day, but I knew I probably had people to relieve so they could take lunches/breaks/etc. So, that ruined my entire day. Or so I thought.

A little while after I got home, my dad asks if I want pizza for dinner. Since this is a rare thing, I say yes, of course. He orders from Pizza Hut. Twenty minutes later, I hear a loud knocking on the door. I go to the door, open it, and see the delivery guy going back to his car. I say, "Hello?" He mumbles that he rang the doorbell and knocked on the door twice. The doorbell rings in the hallway, right outside my room. I didn't hear shit. Skeptical, I rang the bell right in front of him and it worked fine. (I wasn't a bitch about it, I just wanted to make sure it wasn't broken or something) He tells me the total (it is important that I note here how the guy was acting. He seemed pissed off and in a hurry and just generally rude for no apparent reason). I hand him the check my dad wrote. It's written to include his tip. He asks for an ID.

I've never had a pizza delivery guy as for ID. He didn't even look at the check. I say, "Sure, let me go get my dad. It's his check." My dad comes to the door with his ID. The guy doesn't even look at it (the purpose of looking at ID is to see if the names match on both check and ID, get license numbers, etc.), and my dad points out that all his info is on his check, also. They guy asks for 2 phone numbers.

What the fuck?

My dad tries to explain that he only has one phone number... and the guy gets even more rude and says something to like, "Well, if you don't have 2 numbers, you won't be having any pizza. You can make up another number."

Okay, first, if you can "make up another number" why don't you make one up yourself, dickhead? If it means so goddamn little to YOU, why are you being a fucking asshole to my dad about it? Who shat in your cheerios this morning?

My dad says, "Well, I don't have two phone numbers to give you...." and the guy walks back to his car with my dad standing their dumbfounded for half a second before he offers to give his work phone number if they need 2 numbers that badly. They guy gets in his car and drives off.

I rarely get to see my dad furious, but I can't say I blame him after this little scene of utter bullshit. He calls up Pizza Hut and complains about what just happened. Tells the whole story, which is hard to do when you're pissed off.

The whole ID thing? Fine, whatever. First time for everything.... but it is somewhat insulting. Perhaps they have had bad checks or something--who knows?

The 2 phone numbers thing? Utter fucking bullshit. My dad doesn't have 2 phone numbers, so does this mean he has to pay Pizza Hut cash for some PIZZAS. It's pizza, for Christ's sake. I think he can afford it. I don't have 2 phone numbers, either. Are people without 2 phone numbers barred from paying Pizza Hut with checks? What the hell kind of lame crap is that?

The delivery guy? Just an asshole. I hope he had a good reason for being one .... like he walked in on his girlfriend fucking his dog or something. Or maybe someone smeared shit all over his car and sprinkled it with vinegar and onions. The world may never know. He wasn't friendly, he wasn't helpful, he wasn't polite, he wasn't concerned about doing his job, and he sure as hell wasn't getting a fucking tip--which he didn't seem to care about, either. If you don't like your job and don't like money, don't do it at all. Let someone else who needs money do it.

About 15 minutes after my dad made the call, a woman delivered the pizza (and we actually paid for it... though I didn't want to fucking bother with them or their pizza at all). My dad started ranting to her about the delivery guy, too... Poor woman.

Like I wrote, great day.

God, I'm fucking stupid at times.

2007-05-08 - 6:05 a.m.

Working on a drawing for over 4 hours and losing it to something completely fucking retarded...? Woo, that's a great feeling. I think I'm going to throw up now. See, I like to draw in oekaki from time to time. It's relaxing and it gives me something to do with this tablet I use--especially since I never draw on paper anymore. Well, I was drawing and drawing, and then people started talking to me and sending me links and talking and sending more links.... and before I realized what the fuck I was doing, I surfed away from the page I was drawing on.

....

I flipped out and went back and it restored, but I wasn't sure if the layers were restored, too. So, I drew a line across and it showed the layers were okay. I clicked "undo" and it erased the entire fucking drawing. "Redo" did nothing but draw the test line. I want to beat my keyboard over my own head until I can't feel my face.

The sad thing is, I haven't drawn anything in a very long time that I've actually put some effort into. Tonight was the first night I actually had a few hours to myself in which I had the urge to draw and nothing else was demanding my attention (those people messaging me not included). I was about 3/4 done with the drawing... I was tweaking the subject and getting ready to lay down a background when everything got wiped. The particular site I was working on does not have an edit feature. You can only submit finished pictures (on other sites, I save a few times throughout the drawing process). This icky feeling I now have in my stomach will probably turn me off from drawing again for a few months.

Just. UGH.

Tic Tic Talk Talk Talk

2007-04-25 - 1:23 a.m.

I've not had much on my mind lately worth sharing (not that any of it is actually worth sharing...), so I've been neglecting this little diary. Truth be told, I haven't written much in my actual paper diary, either. Or in my nerd blog. Or just in general. Even when I have time to write, I find that my mind is littered with tiny scraps of information best left in my brainpan.

Tra la la la la.

And I mean that.

You know what's great about working for the evil empire? (Nothing!) The fact that I work mostly 5 days a week but just under the magic number of hours to make me be considered "full time." Yep, I'm right on the cusp. I don't get benefits... such as health insurance or vacation, but I do work that same amount of hours every week, without fail. Which means... They can work me like a mule without having to extend me any of the rights a full time person would get. Isn't retail grand? If they scheduled me just a couple more hours a week, I could receive vacation/sick days and insurance.

In May, I'll have been working here for one year. In that time, I have requested one day off, and that was my birthday. The hours that I work prevent me from having another job on top of this one... Which I don't want, I'm just pointing that out.

Recently, many people have quit or been fired... and we're already severely under-staffed. Individuals are doing the jobs of 4 or more people, every day. Most days, I just want to walk out to my car and drive far far away from the place. Money be damned.

Murf.

Reaching for the telescope

2007-04-07 - 5:17 p.m.

I had some fucking oddball dreams.

In one, I was up in the sky...? Somehow climbing from object to object, only to reach as high as a human could go, smell the atmosphere, and fall. It's important to note that, as I was falling, I was no longer myself... but a character. I fell into the ocean and was determined to find land, which I somehow knew was south. From where I fell in the ocean, there was an tiny island to the northwest of me. It was easily within swimming distance, but I was swimming against the tide. There were about 2 dozen people standing on the beach and somehow one of them saw me and went into the water to help me. (We had all come from the same place... I'm not sure if we were in a crash or a ship had sunk or what.)

In another dream, I was wandering around half-naked.... I'm not sure where I was or why. It changed very rapidly from building to building. One of them was converted into a school, and there were some people in a "classroom." I seemed to imagine that one of them was the younger brother of Rask... Though I have no idea how I knew this, since I've never seen him before. I had my arms crossed over my chest throughout the dream.

In the last one that I remember, I was in an artist's home. He was preoccupied with thieves and placing fakes of his work on the first floor. His real pieces were on the top floor. There were intricate stairways all over the place, and I kept bumping into "fangirls" as I walked around the place. I don't remember much more than that.

I think that dream had a spin-off dream where I was walking around in a coastal town. That one is completely fuzzy now, but I remember glimpses of the ocean.

I always remember dreams so much better after a long sleep from which I wake up on my own. When I can lie in bed for a few moments after waking up, I can hang onto the dreams better. If I wake up suddenly from a noise or an alarm clock, my dreams usually vanish in seconds.

discovery

2007-04-01 - 3:22 a.m.

So, lately, I've been having a strange love affair with Daft Punk (need moarrrrrr), and I stumbled upon "Something About Us." What a sweet, little, mellow song.

It might not be the right time
I might not be the right one
But there's something about us I want to say
Cause there's something between us anyway

I might not be the right one
It might not be the right time
But there's something about us I've got to do
Some kind of secret I will share with you

I need you more than anything in my life
I want you more than anything in my life
I'll miss you more than anyone in my life
I love you more than anyone in my life

And I loooooove the voice. /drool

Keeping the brain going with microshocks

2007-03-31 - 1:23 a.m.

What the hell is up with old people who lie? I... just don't understand. Honestly, I'm more accustomed to elderly folks being all ballsy and consumed with that entitlement bullshit that's saturating our country, but lying?

Perhaps I should just chalk it up to poor communication skills or some such... But here's exactly how a conversation I had today went:

Lady: I got this phone as a gift, and I don't have the receipt. It doesn't work anymore. What can I do?
Me: Without a receipt, we cannot exchange the item. How long ago did you receive the phone?
Lady: I got it for Christmas. It's just not working now, can I bring it back?
Me: I'm worry, Ma'am, but even if you did have your receipt, we can't make an exchange for that item after 90 days. I'd recommend you contact the manufacturer, since the phone is still under a limited warranty offered by them. *looks at the bottom of a phone in the store* Do you need me to give you the phone number?
Lady: *long pause* I already called them. *fumbles with package or something*
Me: *reads the number to her* And were they not able to help you?
Lady: Well, they hung up on me or disconnected me every time I tried to call them. I'm not sure why my phone hasn't died since I've been on with you.
Me: So, it's the battery?
Lady: I don't know. I guess so. What's the phone do when the battery dies?
Me: It beeps a few times, then dies.
Lady: Well, what am I supposed to do? It's practically new--can't be the battery.
Me: The only thing you can do is contact the manufacturer...
Lady: But they disconnect me!
Me: Would you like me to try to call them?
Lady: *stunned silence* Well, do you want me to hang up?
Me: No, ma'am, I have another phone right here.

So, I call them... Sure enough, I get automated instructions on what to do to send off a defective phone. I was never cut off or disconnected... and all this time, the woman talking to me on her phone that "doesn't work" never gets disconnected from me. I write down the address and instructions and read them to the lady.

Me: So, all you need to do is send the phone to them with your contact information and a note about the problem with the phone. They'll repair or replace the phone within 14 days.

Lady: *Astonished* What's your name? I want to remember to tell your manager how helpful you've been to me! *goes on to tell life story*

Okay, I don't mind helping out people. It's cool, and it makes me feel useful. But the call took entirely too long, and I had other customers milling around for my attention (don't ask me where my coworkers wandered off to... they have a bad habit of vanishing when people approach the register in the department). The call took over 15 minutes. Luckily, none of the customers around were impatient (huge surprise, that), but I still felt like I was on the phone too long. And I could tell the lady was making shit up. I know she wanted to just return the phone for a new one... and I can't blame her, as that's the easiest solution. She could have just gotten a new battery (though those damn things cost as much as a cheap phone, anymore). At first, I sorta thought she was lying about having called the number on the box, but it became clear that she didn't know how to use the automated system you reach when dialing the number. She could have just come out and said that... I wouldn't have thought less of her.

....Anyhow. What's up with people calling my department and me ending up giving tech support? My coworkers think I'm crazy for giving them the time of day. I dunno. It doesn't bother me unless they keep me on the phone for unnecessary amounts of time... and they're not rude about their situation that has nothing to do with me. Sometimes I go out of my way just to make sure they don't walk away/hang up angry. I mean, hell, I electrocuted myself a few weeks ago to assure a guy his computer was working.

It's really sad that I go above and beyond for pissy little things like this... and then get fucked over by my employer.

Phooey

2007-03-28 - 1:16 a.m.

So, I got new glasses today. I wasn't expecting them to be ready so soon, but they were, and I picked them up after work. Cool, huh? Well, no, not really. After I got home, I noticed there was a chip in one of the lenses, right next to the frame. First, I thought, "Man, I can get over it. It's not that noticeable." Later, I thought, "Okay, it's really no big deal. I'm not going to take them back." But as the night went on, every time I passed a mirror, my eyes were drawn immediately to the flaw.

Fuck. I hate to have to return them tomorrow on my day off and say, "Hey, there's a chip in this lens. Can you replace it for me?" I just don't like to be that person.... My mother is that person. If her potato isn't a precise temperature at a restaurant, she'll ask for another. I can live with things... I can deal.

No. No, I can't. I paid $230 for these goddamn glasses, and I'm going to wear them for a few years, so they better be fucking perfect when I get them. FUCK. It just pisses me off that I have to take them back in and explain the flaw and all that shit... then wait for them to come back in again when they're fixed.

It's petty and it's stupid, but I want my money's worth.

In other news, I got my annual review at work. Glazed over bullshit with a side of fluffy talk was exactly what it sounded like that the time. Sure, we give you the most ridiculous schedule imaginable and make you work whatever department possible; sure, we make you share a drawer with people who could barely pass remedial math; sure, we know there is some sort of internal theft going on and we suspect all of you; sure, we expect you to answer our every beck and call... but do you get a full raise? Nope. You get the minimum :D Yep, we know that you know more and actually *gasp* sell products rather than pointing at them and grunting, but that doesn't mean you're worth giving a decent raise.

To be fair, I'm getting a 40 cent raise as of mid-May, which isn't horribly bad. However, it is the minimum raise. So, basically, I've been busting my ass for over a year without any vacation and only 1 day requested off (my birthday) for the minimum. I wasn't expecting to get the full raise or any ass-pattery... but a smidgen of recognition would have been nice.

And now for something completely different.

I hate awkward relationships. There's something abysmal about knowing someone well enough that you can tell their mood yet can't think of anything to say in regards to it. It's even harder if they're in a shitty mood, and you are as well. Conversations mostly go like this, "How're you?" "Shitty." "Oh... Excuse me, my house is on fire."

It's worse if there's that funky tension in the air that you could can and sell to teenage kids as a party drug. Words cannot even describe it... it just hangs there until one person walks away to bang their head in a door.

Speaking of teenagers, were we all so goddamn stupid in those fragile years? I believe the answer is yes, we were. Let me explain myself. Working the the place that I do, I sometimes have younger coworkers. Impressionable little things, really. So easy to bruise with mere words.... Anyhow, in speaking with some of them, I've noticed that they all insist they know what I'm talking about. I could be talking about quantum physics, and they'd all jump to assert that they know either 1) exactly what I'm talking about or 2) more than what I know.

When I was a teenager... oh, that expanse of time best left forgotten... I did sometimes agree to things said in conversations I had no business even listening to. "Did you know that one load of semen contains 1% sperm?" "Yes! I did!" No, I fucking didn't. Hell, most people don't know that.

Where was I? Oh, right, teens. I feel sorry for the buggers that are constantly looking for acceptance or praise. And, weirdly enough, these same kids are soaking up every word you say... So, at least they are learning (even if it's complete nonsense) while they're bouncing around like little dogs after a ball of acceptance. Ooh ooh, gimme the ball! GIMME THE BALL! Rub my head! Ahhh... teach me a new trick, oh Wise and Benevolent One.

I find it so damn strange that teenagers love talking to me. They love it! It's like I have some invisible sign on my head that says, "Come chatter in my ear about your life, and I will grant you a pearl of wisdom that shall make the world make an ounce of sense to you." The best pearl of wisdom I could ever bestow on any human being is that life doesn't make any sense, and if it did, it wouldn't make a difference. And that's all my ranting for tonight.

when you can't sleep

2007-03-20 - 2:25 a.m.

The other day I managed to get a cut on my stomach in a very odd place--right above my pelvis. Yeah.... The culprit? My fingernail. Tore right into me like I'm made of tissue paper. Wooo...

It's been about 4 months since I ran out of metformin (the generic for glucophage that my doc prescribed to me). I could tell that my body was starting to revert right back to insulin-resistant mode (side effect to PCOS). I feel sluggish and craptastic 90% of the time, and I have a horrible appetite (which I've been trying to counteract with light snacks like granola bars or crackers... not helping. And most of the time, no food at all really appeals to me, yet I feel hungry). Worst of all, though, is that I didn't have a period this month. Fantastic.

I'm due for a check-up in April, though I dread going more than getting shot in the face by radioactive mace. I hate to admit it, but the metformin really helped. I had a regular period like clockwork every month... And I never had before, even when I was young. I could actually look at a calender and know the exact date of when I'd start and stop. The downside is that the pills, generic ones at that, are expensive. And I don't have insurance. $40+ a month adds up, especially when you're barely making $450 every two weeks.

Aside from all that crap, I'm considering really (no, really) getting braces soon... insurance or no. From what I've been reading, I could pay so much up front and then make monthly payments. We'll see. I'm getting a bonus from work soon, and I still have my taxes to do (let's hope I get something back from those). Before all that, I need to get my eyes checked and purchase some new glasses. And I'm not cheap when it comes to glasses. I spend whatever it takes to get good glasses that will last me a long-ass time. I learned my lesson after having some delicate ones in high school which kept getting broken by regular activities (like having teenage boys sit in your lap and smother your face with shoulder-blades). I pick glasses that can take knocks and bumps and drops and being worn 365 days a year.

Work is full of joy these days. I have more horror stories than I care to report at this time (like my coworker talking about his dick for a good 15 minutes--yay).

If you're bored and have 12 minutes, go watch this video on youtube.com. Also look for this rant about TMNT III. It's hilarious and suddenly makes me want to go watch the movies again :x

Counter Clockwise

2007-03-10 - 4:00 a.m.

Ever feel like you're caught up in so much chaos that your read is going to spin right off your body and go whizzing off to burn up in the atmosphere? No? Just me then....

So much stuff going through my mind right now... it's almost sensory overload. For once, my problems seem few and everyone else's seem many. Sure, I've got troubles of my own, but they're back-burner sort of things that can be put off 'til I muster the strength to give a shit. Other people's are more immediate.

Oi, I cannot think right now.

It's beginning to look a lot like OH FUCK YOU

2007-03-02 - 10:14 p.m.

My diary is beginning to sound a lot like Customers_suck. -.-;

Dear Crybaby Man,
Thank you for blowing up at me when I politely told you that I didn't have a bag big enough for the item you purchased but that I had made sure it would not beep when you walked out the door. Apparently your masterfully selective hearing thinks that I wanted you to keep your receipt in hand for my own evil purposes of making you look like a thief. Yes, sir, that was my plan all along... to embarrass you at the exit door.

I'm not even kidding. I told the guy that I made sure it wouldn't beep (deactivated the magnetic soft tag) and that we currently don't have large shopping bags (hell if I know why) he said, "THANKS A LOT," then started ranting about not wanting to get caught at the door like a thief even when I told him he wouldn't. . .

Later in the evening, as I was going outside on my break, I overheard a crazy woman yelling at one of my managers. After I got outside, she came out and screamed, "Walmart sucks! You ALL suck!" etc. and so forth. Keep in mind that she had her little (6 year old) daughter with her. It gets better... she got into a cussing and screaming match with the customer who was in line before her. It went on for several minutes before the nut got in her car and drove off. Thankfully, no punches were thrown or anything like that. But it was amusing to see three managers on duty running out into the parking lot only to miss her by a few seconds. I later came to find out that she was upset because the cashier had spoken to the customer in front of her too long (too long is probably a couple minutes in crazy land... since I've had people yell at me for the same reason before). When the customer before her walked away, the lady went apeshit on the cashier which led to the manager coming over. I suppose she didn't like that the manager defended the cashier, so she left her cart full of items and blew out of the store.

Dear Crazy Lady,
The world, surprisingly enough, doesn't revolve around you. Cashiers do sometimes get caught up listening to a customer's story... not because they want to, but because they have no choice. They cannot very easily shoo away the person talking to them. Sometimes they can politely ask them to step aside so they can continue doing their job; however, I know from first-hand experience that this sometimes has a negative outcome.
More importantly, you throwing a goddamn tantrum in front of your child and then chasing down someone to yell at.... I don't even know what to say about that.

I hate the beginning of the months... welfare, disability, social security, etc. etc. All those checks go out and all the loony tunes come in.

subdued but not unconscious

2007-03-01 - 11:15 p.m.

So, my birthday came and went. After realizing that one of my tires is near flat on my car, I was pretty much pinned at home. Bry did bring me cookies, though ^-^ as well as a birthday present (woot ff6). After that, I spent most of the evening nicely buzzed (I don't recall much of it, so it must have been nice, right?).

I had three days off in a row--only because I had requested my birthday off. Guess what wally world gave me for a present? A six day in a row stretch! Today through Tuesday. Ugh.

I swear that I will get my tire fixed tomorrow, along with an oil change. I also need gas, but that's not an issue. Saturday, after working 7-4, I'm going out with Bry to really hang out since we didn't get the chance to on Monday. (Funny thing, I was born on a Monday, too.)

All that aside, my week's not been terrible. I am worried about Toni's mom. I hope things aren't so serious that she'll need surgery again.

Ah, my sister actually called to wish me a happy birthday on Monday, which I found a little surprising. She talked to me a little bit about her situation and moving out and what not. It was nice to hear something from her rather than the crap my mom spews in my ear nearly every day.

Now, I'm off to relax a bit. I leave you with things that happened on Feb. 26th.

Eat Budd Dwyer's lunch

2007-02-23 - 11:25 p.m.

You're probably tired of reading about my retarded customer encounters... but they just keep coming and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

So. A few nights ago, this older fellow approached the counter where I was ringing up someone's purchase. Right off the bat, he starts going off on me about his prepaid phone and how we're all liars, etc. etc. etc. I stood there as patiently as I could and let him carry on, but as he got more and more irate, despite the fact that I had nothing to do with his prepaid phone, I grabbed a coworker in the cellular area and begged him to get this guy out of my face.

After a few minutes more of dealing with this guy, my coworker finally gets to him.... and of course, the angry guy rails into him. Coworker comes to find out that that this guy's major complaint (his phone ran out of minutes even though he insists he bought $70 worth) has nothing to do with us... HE didn't add the minutes to his phone. Oh, but it gets better. He goes on to tell us that his ex-wife was supposed to put them minutes on his phone and that she's a dumb bitch and all women are dumb bitches. At that point, I walked away.

I was sick of hearing his bullshit... how he was going to call his lawyer, how he was rich and his daddy owned some coal mine corporation, how the evil empire was out to get him.... But when he started degrading women, particularly his ex-wife, I had had enough. Why was he blaming his ex-wife for his ignorance about phones? Isn't he the dumb one for not knowing how to put time on his own goddamn phone? Furthermore, how could he ever justify something that fucking stupid as us lying to him?

Huzzah.

Guess what? Customer of the year reappeared tonight! OH JOY OF JOYS THAT I WAS WORKING TO RELIVE THE EXPERIENCE.

So, this time... guess what his complaint is? He doesn't know if he has unlimited weekends/nights or not even though he came in the night before and the same coworker who helped him the first time made sure he was set up right... (nevermind it is not his job to deal with prepaid phone issues, really. If you're too stupid to use a prepaid phone, chances are you shouldn't). Again, he goes off on me. I'll paraphrase his babble and our conversation.

"This goddamn phone is using up my minutes I spent 70 dollars on minutes and came in last night to make sure I was getting unlimited nights and weekends but it's using my minutes and you're all goddamn liars and I'm rich too I'm going to call my lawyer and sue your asses I'm so pissed off I've bought 3 phones from you and none of them work and you're gonna lie to me you always lie and my dad peed in my mother."

"Sir, I don't get paid enough to lie to you. Would you like me to call a manager for you to speak with?"

"They're just going to lie to me, too, you're all liars I want you to find out if I have unlimited nights and weekends like I'm supposed to or I'm going to sue you because I can because my dad owns a coal mine thing and look at my atrocious gold rings and behold my richness [he didn't say that, but he had multiple gold rings on every finger, which he had not worn the previous time I'd met him... I think he was trying to scare me with his "wealth" even though the jewelry looked fake as hell.]"

"Okay, let me ask my fellow associate if he can help you."

The guy working the cellular area tonight was supposed to have left over and hour before by this time, but he was tied up in a contract. Apparently, he'd already told this man that he would have to call customer care from Virgin (his prepaid phone service), but the man either did not understand this or refused to accept it (in other words, his problem was with Virgin not Walmart, but he didn't want to call Virgin because screaming at peons is so much more efficient). The guy waltzes off into the night... hopefully to get hit by a bus... and I find out that he had been babbling about carrying a gun and the lawyer bit while waiting for the cell phone associate. He even threatened to shoot people over his insignificant, petty phone issues. The women waiting on their phone contract were rightfully frightened and creeped out by the nut. Pretty fucking scary.

After talking about it with a manager, I was told to call management immediately if he ever showed up again. I just hope I don't get shot first.

By the way, this guy was about 6'2" tall, white, short greasy brown hair combed forward, gold-rimmed glasses, tacky gold jewelry on every finger, skinny, southern podunk accent, appeared to be about 55 years old. And he seriously needs to have his teeth kicked in by a mule.

Fuck people. And good night.

Just breathe

2007-02-12 - 10:33 p.m.

To continue with my last entry of bitching...

What the fuck is going on? It's almost as if every asshole in the vicinity has been drawn to my workplace by some mysterious force which can only be described as commercial holiday-itis. I'm not even kidding. After I went back to work, just about every phone call I got was from some irate buttplug looking for some esoteric movie from beyond the veil... or Wiis.

Most conversations went thus:

"Do you got that Marin Lawrence movie called 'Thin Line...' I saw it there last night."
"I'm not sure, ma'am, let me ask Jake.
"Jake, do we have that movie 'Thin Line Between Love and Hate?'"
Jake gives me a look that says no, so I say, "The woman on the phone swears we have it," to sort of push him to actually look because I can't as I'm ringing people up while on the phone.
"I did not swear you have it!"
"I'm sorry, ma'am. Jake says we don't have that mov..."
*click* Next call (I think it was the same woman).
"Do you got that movie 'Hair Show?'"
"I don't believe we do, ma'am, but I'll go look to make sure."
...
"I'm sorry, we don't have..."
*click*

The place I work unfortunately has no system to look up movies. Yes, it's a multi-trillion dollar company... but that sort of technology and programming is just beyond their budget.... And it pisses me off to no end. When I used to work at Best Buy, I could look up CDs, DVDs, or games in nanoseconds and tell you how many we have in stock or when they are available. Walmart apparently doesn't see the value in this to both customers and employees. Do you know how frustrating it is to have to apologize over and over for shit that is beyond your control... and then get berated because of it? I've been cussed out over some of the most ridiculous things. I've seen another employee blow off a customer that was swearing at him... which led to this guy swearing at me. And I just have to stand there and take it. Oh, no, you didn't get your Smackdown Vs. Raw game... you poor thing, how will you ever survive? That guy looked like he was about to kick my teeth in.

Heh... that brings to mind this wacko from the other night. He was looking for a home phone charger for his cellular and had asked another guy before me who showed him that we did not have it nor carry it, and we were sold out of the adapter to plug a carcharger into the wall. So, not believing my coworker, he asks me, and I show him to the same spot and tell him the same thing. The guy goes batshit and storms away from me... apparently to find another employee and ask them the same thing. This time, he grabs a guy from the cellular department, and he shows/tells the same thing. At this point the guy is swearing and flailing and crying about his phone (he was also having a conversation with someone on his phone, which I had to stand through for ten minutes... something about him having no place to stay and trying to get his friend to leave his place unlocked... uh.. yeah). Later on, I find out that this guy complained to a manager about all 3 employees who tried to help him. I guess he thought we were conspiring against him not to sell him a goddamned charger. Right.

People are insane. It almost makes me not want to ever leave the house... which is probably why I don't when I'm off.

retail is hell

2007-02-12 - 5:29 p.m.

You know what I hate most about my job? It's the people. In ever other job I have had, the customers/patron were assholes once in a while... sure, but most of them were generally nice people.

Where I work now... nearly everyone is a raging asshole and maybe 2% of people are nice. And it's not just the customers. It doesn't matter what you're doing, someone will always have a beef with you.

Case in point, I was ringing up an $800 TV for a gentleman when he struck up a conversation about medicinal marijuana. I have no idea why... I did nothing to provoke this little ditty. Meanwhile, two customers are behind him and one is on the phone (where my coworkers are remains a mystery... I wasn't "on the register," whoever is close to it rings people out when need be). The guy on the phone gets the answer he needs then wants to know more, so I put him on hold. The TV gentleman finally walks away and I pick up the phone but this guy's hung up. The other guy in line says, "Well, maybe if you hadn't been talking to that guy for ten minutes he wouldn't have hung up," along with some other rude bullshit. First of all, exaggerating is not flattering in a grown man. 2-3 minutes is not ten minutes; kindly go fuck yourself. Secondly, what was I supposed to tell the TV guy, "Thanks for serving our country. Can you go bugger off now?" (He was a vet who'd just moved here from California, where medicinal marijuana is legal... this is what he told me for no apparent reason). I just did what any polite person would do and smiled and nodded 'til he was appeased.

I was furious.... I'm so goddamn sick of people thinking they're the most important thing in the fucking world. And taking their anger (pathetic, whiney, self-serving anger) out on me IS NOT going to suddenly make me eager to walk on eggshells for them. as;gaklsgja; Back to work.....

O'clock

2007-02-06 - 12:03 a.m.

Note to self: crying = smoking = stings.

Yeah... don't ever let me watch What Dreams May Come by myself, either.

Strange little girls

2007-01-31 - 2:49 p.m.

I had a dream that Toni and I went to some podunk little town in the country. It reminded me of southern Ohio, which is no surprise as that's the only "country" place I've spent any time in--despite the fact that I'm from Kentucky. To be clear, when I write country, I mean middle-of-nowhere. Think fields of tobacco and corn, clusters of houses every few miles, some gravel roads, NO FUCKING COWBOY HATS, barns with tires on top, etc.

Anyhow, in this town, all of the girls had red hair. We weren't sure if they were all related or what, but they appeared to think that Toni and I (being both redheads) had come to do something for them. There were also red haired boys, but I don't recall seeing that many. Most of the girls were young, and I got the feeling we were inside a school at one point (none of them were adults). One girl had mismatched blue and hazel eyes. I wish I could remember more details than this, but the main thing I remember was talking with Toni about how the red heads were looking for someone to either respect or to fear.

In another dream, which may have been an offshoot of the previous dream, I was on the side of a road with about a half dozen cats. It was muddy as hell. Just off the road and down a bit, some people were shooting pebbles from... I am guessing a cannon since I never got to see it. Each time they fired from this little hobbit hole, I worried that the cats would wander over into the line of fire. More than this, I don't remember.

Somewhere in these dreams or in a completely different one, my friend David was there... Only he wasn't David, he was Jake Gyllenhaal circa 20 years old. WTF.

I'm sure there's some hidden meaning to these red head/cat dreams, but I don't really care to think about it. The cats probably represent fertility and my angst over that. No clue with the village of reds could mean.

Staring

2007-01-26 - 2:39 a.m.

I'm rather fond of the middle of the night. I like the stillness of it and the quiet. That's one reason I could never live in a bustling, big city... at least, at the heart of one. While I love my music, there are times when the soft whirring of a fan or heater is enough noise for me. It's also a great time to just mellow out and think. No phones ringing or people knocking at your door. No puzzled faces beaming over your shoulder at whatever it is you're doing. You could stare intently at a wall for a good hour without interruption... and it's just as good as meditating. Not that I stare at my walls, mind you.

Sometimes, if you're so inclined or fortunate enough, you can share these muted hours with a familiar body. Just their presense is comforting, I think. But what do I know? It's the times when you have these peaceful hours and want company that suck. When you're awake and alone and bored out of your goddamned mind, the night doesn't seem so appealing.

My ears itch.

I think perhaps I'll look into fixing some things I've procrastinated away long enough. Like having my eyes checked and getting new glasses. Why the hell I've put that off, the world may never know. I bet I'm half-blind and don't even know it.

Murr... If I go to bed now, I can get 7 hours of sleep before work. Here goes nothing.


where you go, I go. - 2013-03-17
leave me the way I was - 2012-11-08
Never Flicker - 2012-11-03
Sis boom bah - 2012-11-02
Like a rusty needle in your eye - 2012-08-07

lost - data