What Final Fantasy summon are you?
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Take the Radiohead Collective Member Test.

God, I love me some Radiohead. Mmmyep.

Candy, Lance, some other guy, and I just got our asses kicked by Olga Flow (or whatever the hell his name is), the final boss in PSO E2. I haven't played much of PSO E2 yet... Fyx is too weak, really. =( But, anywho... I am off to bed.

if this link works, you must go read this. NOW. Now, dammit.

So, I got up this morning (reluctantly, as my bed was deliciously warm) to go to one of those oh-so-fun and enjoyable corporte meetings at work. I was driving along in the darkness, thinking about how I need to get Pandora an oil change and how I dislike being ignored and how much I hate school, when I saw a little bird sitting in the middle of the road. It was right on the inner line. I was going about... hmm, 65. Little bird decides it's his time to die, and he takes off right into my car when I was about 2 feet from him. >_< Okay, so the bird wasn't that bright to be sitting in the middle of the road (especially the busy road I was on), but... murr. My first casualty of driving a massive metal machine (that I know of).

The gods must have been amused, for the song that came on almost the instant I hit said bird was Stevie Nicks... "Just like a white wing dove sings a song sounds like she's singing ooo baby ooo said ooo." Very funny.

Poor little bird. I'm sure he/she will make a feast for something out there, so it's not a complete waste. I have a feather stuck in my windshield wiper. o.O I'm a bird killer!

I threw some bread out in the front yard. That'll make some birds day.

And now I'm eating an egg. Just to show that I really don't give a fuck.

^_^

currently:

*listening to Tori Amos, Scarlet's Walk*

I guess after my Hunter's License runs out of PSO, I'll stop playing for a while. I dunno. I have no reason to play, and it's not worth playing without a keyboard.

I went to my niece's birthday party. She's 2. The other one'll be 4 in three weeks. o.O Suddenly, I feel old. This is never helped by my sister commenting things like, "I want my kids to hagve cousins to play with," followed by a direct glare at me. Sorry, Tammy. I'm not having babies. And how your kids were born so cute, the world may never know.

I think I'm finally taking a dive back into depression. I'll be honest. That last couple months, I've been mind-numbingly apathetic. I hate that worse than anything. But I can see it changing. Well, it's nothing I haven't dealt with before. That doesn't mean it's any easier...

This is all matter-of-fact. I can't sugar-coat it and say I'm perfectly fine. And I can't whine like I did when I was a teenager and despise the world. *sigh* Teenage depression was so comical now that I look back on it. Sure, it seemed like the be all and end all of DESPAIR and DOOM... but it was really pathetic and stupid. It's much more dangerous as an adult. You have the means to off yourself much more easily, or you can be locked away for saying anything remotely disturbing. Or you can walk up to someone, bite off his/her ear, and run away screaming "I'm insane!!!!" and be believed.

Where was I? The Bahamas?

I have to go to work tomorrow. The place where I am a number not a name. 6-1. *sneer* And my perfectly good sunday off will be ruined by a morning meeting at 7am. FUCKING CORPORATE BULLSHIT. *flails*

I guess I'll head off to bed now... after I check out cnn.com.

I got an 8-ball... the kind you shake up and ask a yes or no question. I used to have one when I was younger, but I cracked it open to see what was inside--that's the sort of kid I was. Anyway... Let's ask it a question:

Am I the most pathetic life form on this planet?
*shake*
"yes"

Hell, I knew that.

And now for some quizzies:

Which Era Do You Belong In?
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Pull up the hood on that cloak of yours, it looks like rain. It seems Medieval Ireland is the era for you...do you like green?

what fucked version of hello kittie are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
I would sacrifice my first-born before listening to that shite. Not that I'll have a first born...

What Kind of Virgin Are You?
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ha

8-ball, is this true?
"yes"
Fuck you, 8-ball.
"don't count on it"
.... I hate you.
"signs point to yes"

I could escape this feeling with my China Girl
I feel a wreck without my little China Girl
I hear her heart beating loud as thunder Saw they stars crashing

I'm a mess without my little China Girl
Wake up mornings where's my little China Girl
I hear her heart's beating loud as thunder
Saw they stars crashing down

I feel a-tragic like I'm Marlon Brando
When I look at my China Girl
I could pretend that nothing really meant too much
When I look at my China Girl

I stumble into town just like a sacred cow
Visions of swastikas in my head
Plans for everyone
It's in the whites of my eyes

My little China Girl
You shouldn't mess with me
I'll ruin everything you are
I'll give you television
I'll give you eyes of blue
I'll give you men who want to rule the world

And when I get excited
My little China Girl says
Oh baby just you shut your mouth
She says ... sh-sh-shhh

David Bowie

I... I don't know. ai don't know what to write. Every last thing is blue. I'm still Fyx. Without a doubt. But everything is so quiet. Even with the music blaring.

I take too much shit. I know people don't see me that way, but I do. And I've got one of those tempers that builds and builds and explodes all at once, and someone's usually left crying. I'm trying to get angry now, actually, but I can't find it in me. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I blame myself for getting into stupid situations. >_<;;

Now I'm nothing.

currently:

*listening to Missing Persons, The Remixes*

My brain feels disconnected. My typing is horrible, but you can't see that because I got back and correct it. The backspace button in my best friend. *rubs the backspace button* I had to rewrite that. Laugh, damn you!

My sister's haircut is a mullet. I would tell her, but I don't feel like eating fist this week. >_< What the hell was her hairdresser thinking? Did my sister forget to tip her last time....? How cruel.

I am in need of a nap. And because I do not work tomorrow nor have class, I will most likely take one. Naps are god.

walking in LA

My computer hasn't frozen since I took off the shell and cleaned the internal fan. This is good. I am pleased.

It took all of my will not to buy Hellsing 3 today. I must hold off on such luxuries for a while, yes? Murr. I have other anime and shite to hold me over, it's true. I AM POOR *SOBS* Well, not really... just pathetic ^_^.

I am sad. =( Rask does not have time for me or he has forgotten about me. Maybe both. And yet, I felt unworthy of affection to begin with, so is this better?

Chris-kitty said, "so, when are you coming up to visit me for my birthday?" or something like that, to which I replied, "Uh..." Don't get me wrong. I've known him for 3 years or so, but I do not think that constitutes a visit. MmHmm. Right? *laughs hysterically with evil gleam in eyes* He did introduce me to yummy music. He is nice. Blah.

Let me rewrite for you something I wrote in my hard-copy journal last night (incoming romantic BS):

I care not for beauty or the senses at all. I want that spark inside my heart to ignite again. Set fire to my body. My blood the fuel, pumping through me and quickening my breath. Feed the fire. Trembling. But it has been smothered. The spark is no more. Charred remains and scorched veins are the only evidence of a once passionate flame. If I could transcend all this for a while, would I come to clarity? Oh, love, wherever you are going, take me with you. Do I have to go back to being alone again?

You know I will.

The nap must be taken now.

OOOoooo... the added scenes in fotr are so pretty! Weeeeee. I only watched the first dvd today. (having no time really sux).

Anyway, today was completely uneventful and unfulfilling. Much like all my days. But I digress.... CHEESE.

One of my niece's birthday is next Friday. What do you buy a 2 year old? How about her first switchblade? Nah...

More than a quarter of my life is over, and I've done nothing. Hurrah! Can I go live in the woods now and not pay taxes? PLEASE? Land of the free, my ass. Free to wipe your ass with the flag. Free to shove your religion down someone else's throat, sure. Free to show soft porn on billboards and then condemn vacant teenagers for having sex, hell yeah. But free to live? 'Fraid not.

Hmm. The prospect of becoming a vagabond is ever more inviting.

But vagabonds don't have computers, do they? Nooooooo.

Fyxation
Current level: 40
Varaha is level 90.
new items: megid 3(saving for my FOmar) and 2 Brionics =D

currently: procrastinating, what else?

*listening to Rob Zombie, Hellbilly Deluxe*

Living dead grrrrrl. Hmm. Fuck. (I love that word, and my vocabulary is very limited when I'm tired.) So, I printed up about 13 pages of research for my japanese paper. It's only a 2 pager, so I can slap that together fairly easily. It's the RP I'm dreading... I busted my ass on the last one and only got an 11 out of 15 ;-; And I'm supposedly and English major. Yeah, right.... Screw this shite. I only chose English because there's no art program at this crummy little school.

Now that I think about it, what the devil could I possibly do with a degree in art, anyway? Ah, damn, what options have I? I could just completely shove all these credits up my advisor's ass and abandon school at this point. I'm in such a pleasant mood. Hurray for thinking too much!

I've been up since 5am, and I thought I'd be able to pull an all-nighter working on these papers. However, the lack of motivation and the fact that my keyboard is looking like a suitable pillow are preventing me from getting anywhere. I suppose if I wake up early enough tomorrow, I'll be able to do some sort of work. The thing is, I spent over 4 hours on my last RP and it was total shit. Imagine what this one will be if I spend 2 hours on it. I might have to give the teacher a clothes pin to put on her nose before handing it in.

*ramble ramble*

It's the slappiness writing... moving on.

*yawn* crap. *yawn again* aghhhhh. I give up. *snore*