I have a splitting headache. I went to bed around 6am and was woken up around 11 by the enchanting sound of jackhammering. My neighbors are doing something to their sidewalk. On top of this, my mother wanted me to go to some art fair (while she babysat my sister's rugrats) and I said I was too tired to go. She hung up on me.

My schedule next week is pure shit.

And I need to remember to take that financial aid form thing back to LCC on Monday. Will Fyx's brain be able to remember this trivial task? My sources say no.

I would very much like to spoon out my eyeballs and replace them with icecubes. Or maybe salt.

I'm probably going to go to sleep once I get away from the computer. This is bad, for my sleep schedule is already severely fucked up. Not that I really care, mind you. And sleep has become (or it always was) my favorite pass time.

It's been raining almost every night. I feel like watching something old and corny... maybe I'll watch Ladyhawke when I wake up.

My excoworkers want to go see Fahrenheit 911 today. I'm just not up for liberal bullshit at the moment.

Zzzz

What is it about knowing my mother that makes me want to pour gasoline on myself, light a match, and run screaming into the streets?

Hmm.

I am a bitch.

And if she talks about dying or about being alone again, I might just walk up to her front door and slice my neck open with a razor. Not that I'm suicidal.

Did I mention that she took her white cat (my favorite of her cats) to the Humane Society? She said that she it knocked things over. It's a fucking cat. She told me this, and I couldn't do anything but sigh. And then she cried and blubbered that she never does anything right. I said I would have rather taken her cat than see it taken to the Humane Society. This is the very cat which she saved from some farm out in the boonies. She had a hole in one of her eyes and she was flea-ridden, but my mother took great care of her. You would never think that this cat had ever been through any kind of hell.

And she got rid of it.

I spent the better part of the day asleep. Heh. What?

You know I'm not a saint

I saw Spiderman 2 a few days ago. Best fucking movie I've seen in months... perhaps this year. :o And I'm not just saying that because I have a strange affection for Spiderman (not Toby, Spidey). Doc Oc was just excellent.

Hmm Hmm. It's raining again.

I just broke off this thread necklace I've been wearing since last summer. I usually make one each summer and wear it until it falls off... well, this one wasn't about to fall off. I just put my hand under it and tugged just hard enough that it snapped. Perhaps I'll tie it around another limb. Hmm. Impermanence. Nothing lasts forever.

Forever is a strange word... it's a wonder humans even made a word for it since they will never and can never experience it.

Writing in the middle of a thunderstorm is unwise, but it never stopped me before.

I should really try to locate my checkbook.

I'm going to see Spiderman 2 in a lil bit.

Also, I'm going to look into studying movie monster makeup and such on my own while I go to school. A friend of mine who's in the biz told me a few places I could check out. Perhaps if I get some sort of general art degree, that will point me in the right direction of something I might really enjoy. I think doing special effects and makeup would be fun. I know it's an ephemeral pipedream... but blow me.

My legs are really fuzzy and I think it's hilarious. I actually feel more human now than I have in a long time. True, it may not be what American society tries to force on all females... true, boys are brainwashed from birth into thinking shaved legs are somehow better... but what do I really care? Meh, I'll shave them again some day just out of missing how it feels (funny how you grow comfortable with things that are uncomfortable), but for now... I'm enjoying having legs feel like they were meant to feel. I know some people would read this and completely miss the point, so I'm not going to bother trying to explain it further. "Hairy legs OMG gross."

You can get away with lots of social no-no's when you're an outcast :D I still shave my armpits if that makes you feel any better. I went a couple months without doing it and noticed no difference at all.

A couple weeks ago I had a conversation with someone about shaving genitals. Whatever floats your boat. The typical explanation I hear for a guy wanting shaved pussy is "It makes oral less messy." Now that we all have a nice visual in our heads... I still think it boils down to control and sexual preference. Well, not so much sexual preference as perversion. The moment shaved pussy becomes important to someone... you know they have issues and they are revolving around their sexual appetite and not their mental capacity.

Keep it neat and tidy, that's what I always say.

As for shaved testicles... let's not even go there. *shudder*

Hmm. The storm's not letting up.

I didn't sleep a wink last night. Not a single fucking second. Literally tossing and turning, glaring at the clock, grumbling and swearing, and readjusting my blanket about a thousand times. So, now I'm at work. Feeling very very shitty. Shouldn't have even come in. Oh, I only work two days this week, granted... but who needs money when you feel too shitty to spend it?

In the event of an emergency, please refrain from thinking. :o

Ever have a splinter stuck in your skin, and you end up digging a big hole in yourself just to get it out? Yeah, that sucks.

Hmm... let's see. I've been a bit detached lately. Maybe I've just had a little too much time to think. There's so much that I am unhappy with, but I can't be convinced to change things. Or I can't find the strength to bother. Just cleaning the den and doing 4 loads of laundry today was excruciatingly dull. But, hey, I have clean underwear and can see the nasty green carpet once more.

Hohum... I'm just living, and it's quite boring. Kind of strolling along through each day with no sense of purpose gets old after a while. If I had my own gospel, would I preach it on high?

Hmm Hmm. I finally got my licence renewed. Hurray for me. Also gave a dollar to the organ donor program. Double hurray for me.

I've been smoking way too much lately. No one will want my organs when I die. XD

Hmm... what else...? OH! I got a thing in the mail from the college financial aid office that says I qualify for both a Pell grant and a Cap. Woot. I can also request a loan up to a certain amount... but I don't think I'll need that just yet. Anyway, I hope the amount they estimated is correct because it would help me out greatly.

Now... to pick out the damn classes I need and pray they're available.

My dad asked me today what I want to be. I said blankly, "I don't know." He then offered I could be an office assistant (read: secretary) or something like that. Yeah, no thanks. I don't think I'm going to have wasted thousands of dollars to be a clerk. -_-

I honestly don't know what to do, still. I've tried that whole bit that people always recommend to people such as myself; IE, take a bunch of random classes and see what you like. Nothing really appealed to me more than another thing. Ah, well, going no where fast... and getting old.

I'm so tired... Bleh. I should go out tonight to deliver a DVD I borrowed and to loan a DVD to someone else, but that would require moving a car that is behind mine. It's probably a good thing I'm not going out, since I can barely think. I've also been a bit grumpy today. My blood sugar's all screwed up, and I've been biting people's heads off for the littlest things. :)

"Could you pass me that pen?"
"DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE.... what pen? DIE."

Perhaps I should call it a night and dive into bed. I work at 7am again. I will clip off my fingernails first. They're driving me mad.