currently: celabrating

*listening to Poe's Dolphin*

Okay, I turned in three very very half-assed papers today. Tomorrow's my day off, so I'm gonna sleep laaaate. MMMmMmMmm sleep. Have 2 papers to write on the weekend, plus some research for my anthro paper in a couple weeks. Oh, well.

I've been in a very unemotional "blah" mood today. I can't pin point why, but I guess it has something to do with all this work I've been reeling out like a factory machine. Barely have time to enjoy my life, and it's catching up to me by making me feel like shit. It always does. I need to go out and get away from all this caca for a day. See a movie or something. The quick fix of material happiness isn't filling the void. I have movies piled up that are still in their wrappers.

My mind's been toying with memories while I sleep. I relive days in high school and other silly things like that. When I wake up, I'll remember for a moment why I felt like I did back then... but it slips away a few seconds later. So, I dive into the diaries I wrote back then, and I try to figure out just how I felt about situations or people. They read like suicide letters, which makes me hurl them down and give up. But it's a ritual for me to pick them up again every couple of months and read 'til my eyes blur. I don't have the itch right now, thank the gods. I treasure my diaries, but they're so loaded with stream of consciousness crap that I can't remember what made me write them in the first place.
Anyway, the dreams are very similar to dreams I had back then, too. I think I have issues about letting go of anything. The summer after I graduated, I must have fictionalized the last day of school in my dreams a hundred times.

It's not like the past was that great, but I suppose I think it was better than where I am now, so I cling to it.

I'm thirsty.