currently: playing innocent.

*listening to A Perfect Circle's Sleeping Beauty*

*le sigh*
I'm so glad this semester is coming to a close. I'll bury it in my backyard somewhere and piss on it when I'm drunk.

sleeping beauty
poisoned and hopeless
far beyond the visible sign of your awakening
failing miserably to find a way to comfort you
far beyond the visible sign of your awakening
hiding from some poisoned memory....
?

So, I'm caught in this bizarre web of internet personalities. My kitty, my cubby, and my squirrel. In the physical reality, they have no affect on me. Yet I still hold some affection for them. My kitty especially. He's the one that makes me toy with the idea of striving to be something I am not.
The cub, well, he's the cute one that craves attention, and I adore him like a typical alpha female would admire a pack mate. I encourage his cuteness. O.o
The squirrel.... an entire different matter. He's the oil in my water. Seriously, all he and I do is argue or flirt. It's very annoying for the both of us, but neither of us will let it end. Sometimes, he downright infuriates me, and I know how easy it would be to ignore him and forget him forever--such is the power of the WWW. People are disposable, and those who don't realize have only themselves to blame when they get hurt. That's why I can never get hurt. I don't take anything on the internet to heart. Most of it's BS or playful conversation.
I'm guilty of cybering. I can probably count the number of times on my hands. Maybe my toes, too. It doesn't do anything for me. Doesn't excite me or make me type with one hand. So, why bother, right? I guess I like entertaining people, or I'm interested in knowing what people will write when the mood strikes them. I've been known to manipulate people into some sort of sexual action just for my own amusement. It's a thrill to know I can do that to someone with mere words.
Couldn't do that with Kitty. It'd be too weird. He's too sweet (at least in my head).
Couldn't do that with Cubby. I'd feel like I was violating him. heh.
Done it to Squirrel. A few times. He's the easy target, since I don't feel guilty.

I don't think I could ever say I love any of them. I've know Kitty for over a year, and though I do have feelings for him, they aren't love. Cubby I've only known since May, and I don't know him well enough to say I love him even as a friend. I like him though. Squirrel I've known the least amount of time, yet he's the most attached to me. I don't get it. If he weren't such a dick, I could have feelings for him. But he is a dick, so that's that. And what compels these boys to want to talk to me? I tell them from the start, I'm celibate, ugly, and not looking for anything. Somehow that translates in boynese to: Hey, baby, I'm mysterious, hot, and want your body. *groan* Yet I get calls. or E-mails. or netmeeting conferences. or pictures. or any number of things....
I don't get it.
I'm a net whore.
I'm a "playa."

Did I miss something?! How did this happen? Oh yeah, I'm a flirt. duh. But only in the realm of circuits, where I know they can never touch me. hurt me. whatever. I like to play with people's minds from a safe distance. I don't play with Kitty's mind. I never have. I'm always up front with him about everything. The other two invite me to toy with them....I say, "mousies, i have this thorn stuck in my paw, would you pull it out for me?" and they come running. Well, Cub doesn't anymore. He's too clever for that. Squirrel comes with his tail sticking straight up. I've tried several times to push him away, but he's resiliant. or however you spell that word.

I must get away from the pc now... I only have so much free time, and I don't want to waste it here.

7:38

just took a cute little test... this was my result:

Take the MONSTER RANCHER test at dontbewillful.com!