currently:

*listening to a cd I burned for Kuroiko... making sure it doesn't skip*

WEEEEEEEE. NAPPING IS GOD.

If napping is god, then sweatpants are the devil. I do not know why.

Please no tears, no sympathy

I hope that nap does not interefere with my sleeping in a few hours. It shouldn't, as I am still very tired, but I have miserable luck....

Wwwooooohoooo... I feel funky. Velvet Acid Christ is not helping. That herbal cocktail must be swimming nicely in my bloodstream now. I had tried to take a nap after the entry from earlier, but my brain was persistant in keeping me awake. I talked to the walls for a while. They told me to get up. So, I did. And they shutup. A few hours later, I tried napping again and went out like a light.

The next Sims expansion is online. Scary!

The Pacific Northwest, Kuroiko? Tell me, what is so intriguing about this part of the country to you? I've never been there, and I don't believe you have.... so what is it? Too bad I have school, or we could drive out there and pray California sinks. Er... I don't know where that thought was going.

I saw pictures of Rask this morning when I came home from work. Was too lazy to look last night.

lamah ahzahvchati
(Hebrew for "why have you forsaken me?)
eloi eloi lamah sabachthani
(Aramaic for the same phrase--thanks, Wolfy)

My given name is Aramaic. It means "listener." I don't make this shit up, people (most of the time).

*LISTENING to Apop's "Rollergirl"*

Murr and pah. Pah again, for good measure.

*listening to System of a Down, "Chop Suey"*

Why have you forsaken me?

Blahhhhhh. I am tired. oo Gessekai. Makes me want to watch Nightwalker again. *drool*

I'm feeling deflated. Maybe I should pop an iron pill and take a nap. Mm Dong Quai, too. Maybe some St. John's Wort and valerian root. Throw in some Kava Kava for an herbal (psychadelic) cocktail.

You're not supposed to mix Kava Kava with those others... but, what the hell? If you don't see anything from me for a few days, I might be lying in my bed while licking my pillow. Right, I'll probably be back here in a few hours. Must keep up the diary of a hermit.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE.
I FEEL LIKE NOTHING AT ALL. YOU DON'T know what it's like
you don't know what it's like
you don't know what it's like
I FEEL like NOTHING at all
I feel like nothing at all
I FEEL LIKE NOTHING
cuz you don't know what it's like.

weee

I took another IQ test on the internet (why...? because I am zombified and want to know what I can score while braindead) I got 111, which they ranked as "above average intelligence." Dammit. If my average IQ score is 117 when I'm feeling well, then I only lose 6 points of intelligence when I feel like shit. -_- I must try harder to be stupid. I want to know what ignorance and obliviousness feels like, so I can judge how badly stupid people I come across must be pummeled with my shoe. Run on sentence? You bet your ass.

Valerian Root tastes as bad coming up as it does going down. It's smells like a male gym locker.

Wow, I almost set myself aflame there. Ashing on myself.

I'll be normal the day Britney Spears stops singing through her nose.

Wit's gone out the window, care to join him? Hmm... voice recording.... No, shower. Voice recording later. Blurrrrr

Yesterday
(John Lennon, Paul McCartney)
Lead Vocal: Paul McCartney

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be
There's a shadow hanging over me.
Oh, I (aye?) yesterday came suddenly

Why she had to go I don't know she wouldn't say
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Why she had to go I don't know she wouldn't say
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe in yesterday
Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm

currently: I need more sleep

*listening to Poe, Haunted*

sometimes, I'm terrified of my heart

Hmm. Voices faces voices faces. Odd.

I have nothing to write.

currently: Did you know that you can't bring dice to boot camp?

*listening to three Filter albums on shuffle*

Ahh... Shark Week on the Discovery Channel. *drool* I watched about three hours of it and even cracked open my sketchbook and drew a Great White.

My tattoo scab is peeling. Ohh! The temptation to rub against something like a snake trying to shed its skin is so great.

I have been smoking like a chimney. High levels of stress? Or passive suicide? You decide.

I wonder how much it costs to legally change your name in Kentucky.

Kuroiko, if you decide to move to some far off state, will you take me with you? I just don't care anymore, and I need a change of scenery. I have two computers and will pay for DSL. We can split the rent. I'll quit smoking. Anythinggggggggggg......

*whimper*

I fell asleep a little after 7am this morning and woke around 1pm. Hopefully, this will leave me tired enough to sleep before work at 6am tomorrow.

'cuz I am a lie
'cuz I am a lie
'cuz I am a lie
'cuz I am a lie

Aw crap, there goes the nail polish. I peel it when I'm feeling particularly antsy, nervous, and/or obsessive-compulsive.

My room makes a pretty good isolation tank. I just wish it were filled with water.

you know the best things in life aren't for me
you know the best things in life aren't for free

It rained today. A gentle, summer rain. Clouds weeping upon the ruined.

I married Dota on Ofuda.net

currently: so happy, I could crack

Mmm leftover pizza.

I'm trying to motivate myself into going to the Woodland Arts Fair. Nope, not happening.

Tattoo is doing well.

I watched about 5 minutes of this yoga thing on TV the other day which was hosted by a woman that could not pronounce L's. No, she didn't replace with them R's. She simply didn't say them at all. Example, "Re'ax your mussas (muscles)." It was amusing. Even funnier, is the fact that her name had an L in it.

I'm not attached to your world
Nothing heals, nothing grows
'Cause it's a great big white world
And we are drained of our colors
We used to love ourselves
We used to love one another

The moment you're almost comfortable, a pebble finds its way into your shoe.

::Extreme hermit mode activated::

currently: you're going to regret reading this.

*listening to Marilyn Manson shit on shuffle*

I was all snuggled up in bed and had just finished a chapter of Return of the King, when I got the urge to write in my hardcopy journal.

Let the angst-fest begin:

I talked at length tonight with Justin about Rask. Justin has only enforced my pessimism, while at the same time pushing me to come to a decision about my future.

The future. Now there's a pool I don't want to swim in. >_<

I'm fuct. I can't overcome my fears, and I can't be loved, really. Suck. I'm beginning to look down the dark path again. That dark, inviting path that calls, "Give up, my dear."

I don't want to fall in love again. Not in this life. I'm the romantic fool. Doubts are beginning to fester inside of me. Why do I love Travis? What is it about him that I love so much? Has he not hurt me? Oh, yes... he ground his boot-heel into my heart. But why did it hurt so much? Plainly, my affections are misguided.

Whimpering will do me no good. Here, I throw in the towel. You wish to know what is on my mind? I was giving thought to meeting Travis when he had returned from his travels. This long period of time would have given him a neutral space to reflect on his life and experiences. It also would have given me time to decide where my priorities lie and to weigh my options.

And then a wrench was thrown into my beautiful machine. His long-time friend and room-mate is possibly going on his trip with him. I bear her no ill will, for I'm the fucking idiot that fell in love with him. stupid. And it's all perfectly innocent and friendly. La la la. I haven't got a chance. La la la. Just shoot me now. La la la. Well, that's what is on my mind. That was the master plan. All fuct to hell. Sorry if the towel hit you in the face.

"I think the spirit of this age has finally taken me and broken me."
"That would be sad if it were true."
~Orlando

I will not fantasize anymore.

currently: talking about my love life with Wolf Man.

Gawd, what is the world coming to?

In other news, I have changed the format to blog style, because I write too fucking much. ^_^ That way you can read large amounts of my babbling without clicking previous too much. That's all I wanted to add.