currently: afghlafhg

BALLS

On the scale of importance (x being important and y being non-important), I (being !) am here:

x_____________________!_____y

Fuck you very much.

Wow, the priorities of men suck ass. Or maybe I suck for being needy NEEDY needy. PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEEEEEEEE. I haven't talked to you all week. PAY ATTENTION TO ME! DAMMIT! FUUUUCK.

I swear, if I were a cat, this would call for some serious shitting on his bed.

*breathe*

currently: waiting for a knight

*listening to random EBM*

excerpt from my hard-copy journal:

In the middle of working, one of my coworkers rushed up to me and told me that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center. Less than five minutes later, he told me another plane had crashed into the other WTC tower. Panicked for a moment... I stop and listen to the radio. After the store opened, I went to the closest TV's and watched in awe as the second tower collapsed into so much blood and rubble. My jaw fell open. A few minutes later, the first tower caved inward and collapsed. Before that had even happened, a plane had dove into the Pentagon. Another plane crashed down in Pennsylvania. Over 150 people died in those planes alone. The number in New York still unreleased. I'm afraid it's astoundingly high.

My heart was beating so fast through each reception. As I was driving home from work, my heart was in my throat... I was holding back tears. This information! This flood of painful realization that no one in this free country is safe from anything! I'm still in shock. I'm violently ill with this entire series of events. I don't know whether to mourn of fucking break something. How can I think? Who can think?! The dust blankets everyone in New York... A thick blanket of ash... What is this? The flesh of thousands... raining from the sky! This is all a part of a cycle. We kill every day. Because we do not care. And because we do not care, they want to kill us. Who are they? Who? We still don't know. We don't even know if that is really their motivation. It's just pain.

It's night now. I'm too numb to even think straight. I feel the weight of confusion and mourning pressing down on me so heavily that my entire body hurts. My heart is worn with stress and my stomach is burning. This is so unreal. Can I affect what is affecting me? I'm too tired to even try. I'm so sick of the world suffering like this. My planet--my beautiful blue world is covered in blood by the intelligent life is homes. How intelligent are we? Look what we do to ourselves in the name of religion, politics, and greed--ALL just words that mean nothing when we cease to exist.

I've been walking around in a blind daze. Everything is distant. Were we always so unprepared? I'm not prepared for war. I can't even imagine it. Could we really be heading there? And for what? Justice? Defense?

Religion... is that what tastes good on the tongues of politicians? I don't believe the people responsible for the attacks on America are doing it for religion. It probably motivates them. It motivates every war somehow or other. It's pure hatred. Hatred of a people that know how to get what they want. Hatred of a people that control money because they're educated how to. We hold the cards and if they want what's in the pot, they've gotta learn the game. It's called capitalism. Survival of the fittest and all that. I'm not saying it's the only way, but it's our way, and if they don't like it-- they can just play with themselves. And leave us the fuck alone.

Think happy fucking thoughts, everyone.