Sleeping with Ghosts

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distant

2002-09-29 - 4:33 p.m.

the paths that I once tread have all but gone
only embers now smoulder where bridges once burned
I feel alive and yet I fear what may happen now
I know I can't return
And I hear me say again oh let me not return
Damn the illusion of redemption and the hopes that held me here
I will oppose all that would befall me
With all the rage inside of me I will defy what I would become
The solitude and anger that do battle within me will always guide me to the answers that I know I may not see
They are the bonds that hold me tighter
They are the chains that weigh on me
One day I know they will be gone
Can I start again and erase this pain by casting doubts into the waters,
asking judgement of the sea
Though fortune may guide to the fools I have no wish to be free until I am gone

distant (rubicon II)/VNV NATION

erotic erotic put your hands all over my body

2002-09-29 - 10:33 a.m.

currently: oi

I had an... interesting dream last night. It was an erotic dream. Um. Yeah.

I worked this morning for 4 hours. Need the cash to make up for the day I called in sick. Blah. Shit, I forgot to get my schedule for the rest of the week.

Hmm. I have the rest of the day to myself (well, I do have some studying to do, but other than that...). I was considering moving furniture around again. If I don't do that every now and then, I go crazy. CrAzY. Or I could spend my free time playing video games. Choices. Maybe I'll do both. Half productive, half slacker.

I'm still thinking about that dream. Some of it was just wrong. >_< Some of it was erotic, some of it was disturbing, and some of it was pure brain goop.

*hides*

Und das ist alle?

2002-09-28 - 8:04 a.m.

hello. i am still in "my brain has been boiled like a chicken fetus" mode. Anyone care for a deviled egg?

I hate deviled eggs. They smell funky. Toni is not subjecting me to deviled eggs this Thanksgiving. (yes, I'm going to her house for Thanksgiving--why the fuck not?)

So, I haven't slept yet. I don't feel particularly tired, either. I did find myself staring at the wall earlier, but that's nothing out of the ordinairy. Ordinary. Fuck... that word doesn't look right for some reason. Extraordinairy. FUCK YOU, DYSLEXIC BRAINCELLS. i-- there is an i, right?

These cigarettes taste funny. Marlboro must have spiked them with some extra addictive juice. bleh. I brush my teeth now. Mm better.

My neck is kinked. Damn video games. Oww.

Puppy is still online, too. Wow. Yeah, it appears he has not rolled off into a ditch. Or the ditch shoved him out.

It doesn't feel like Saturday. durrr... that's because I haven't slept, nevermind.

*scurries away*

Here.

2002-09-28 - 4:00 a.m.

I'm Mrs. Draco Malfoy

The HP Male Marriage Quiz made by Sapphire.

WHY ME, GOD? WHYYYY?

(this is for Kuroiko and Harle... I do not read HP).

Long and pointless.... OH LOOK a sheep

2002-09-28 - 1:07 a.m.

currently: Questions?

*listening to... whatever's on the radio*

NAME FOUR BAD HABITS YOU HAVE:
1) going without sleep or getting too much of it
2) smoking
3) buying anime
4)worrying

NAME 4 GOOD HABITS YOU HAVE:
1) bathing
2) ...uh...
3) ...hmmm
4) ...*shrug*

NAME 4 PEOPLE CURRENTLY ON YOUR BAD SIDE:
1) Cockass
2) Julie
3) All my bosses
4) Puppy

NAME 4 PEOPLE CURRENTLY ON YOUR GOOD SIDE:
1) Kuroiko
2) Darkcaesar
3) Cisforcookie
4) Rask

NAME 4 SCENTS YOU LOVE:
1) Vanilla
2) Opium incense
3) the skin of young boys...er... I mean... *drool*
4) Uncut white roses

NAME 4 THINGS YOU'D NEVER WEAR:
1) A strap-on
2) Cologne that smells like piss
3) capri pants
4) a t-shirt that reads "I'm gonna open a can of whoop-ass..."

NAME 4 ANIMALS YOU LIKE:
1) Tigers
2) Sharks
3) Foxes
4) Kitties

NAME 4 TV SHOWS YOU LOVE: (When I watch TV...)
1) Will and Grace
2) Scrubs
3) Behind the Music
4) The Simpsons

NAME 4 CELEBRITIES YOU DON'T LIKE: (ONLY FOUR?!)
1) Howard Stern
2) Rosie O'Donnel
3) Barbara Streisand (Larry would kill me if he saw this)
4) Kathy Lee

NAME 4 DRINKS YOU REGULARLY DRINK:
1) Water
2) Milk
3) More water
4) Mmm water... that sounds good.

NAME 4 ICE CREAM FLAVORS YOU LOVE:
1) mint chocolate chip
2) cheesecake
3) Peanut Butter and Chocolate
4) ...Don't love any others

NAME 4 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT YOURSELF:
1) I don't like condiments
2) I horde nail polish
3) I hate the chatter of whorish teenage girls
4) I used to make voodoo dolls.

NAME 4 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT YOUR FAMILY:
1) My sister used to squeeze her legs together in an obscene way while "sleeping"
2) My brother wasn't always psychotic
3) My mother is on the extreme end of obsessive-compulsive
4) The only time the tv is off in my dad's den is when he's sleeping.

CURRENT

Current Music: Tom Petty
Current Taste: menthol
Current Hair: loose pony tail (mop) on the top of my head
Current Dress: black velvet pants, black Cowboy Bebop t-shirt, un'ies
Current Annoyance: My boss
Current Smell: Me
Current Thing I Ought To Be Doing: Sleeping
Current Windows Open: D-Land, 2 IM's, and Outlook Express.
Current Desktop Picture: Kenshin
Current Favorite Musical Artist: VNV Nation
Current Radio Station: B92 the 80s AND MORE
Current Color Of Toenails: "White Gold"
Current Refreshment: water
Current crush: no one
Current Fave Celeb: None
Current Hate: school

BODY
What Do You Most Like About Your Body? ...
And Least? That thing growing on my left foot.
How Many Fillings Do You Have? two
Do You Think You're Good Looking? Compared to a pile of shit, sure.
Do Other People Often Tell You That You're Good Looking? Only old me or gay men. They're both lying.
Do You Look Like Any Celebrities? Don't you mean "Do any Celebrities look like you?" and No.

FASHION
Do You Wear A Watch? only at work
How Many Coats And Jackets Do You Own? several
Most Expensive Item Of Clothing: the most expensive thing in the thrift store! only the best for me.
What Kind Of Shoes Do You Wear? sneakers, clunky-heeled things, or combat boots.
Describe Your Style In One Word: lazy

FRIENDS
Do Your Friends Know You? They know a small facet of me.
What Do They Tend To Be Like? dirty whores--all of 'em. Nah, they're all different, really. Most of them are hermits like myself.
Are There Traits In You That Are Universally Liked? I don't punch people in the face when I meet them. That's universally liked, right?
How Many People Do You Tell Everything To? No people... just the voices.

MUSIC/TV/FILM/BOOKS
Favorite Band Ever? >_< don't make me decide.
Most Listened To Bands: NIN, Apop, Tori, and David Bowie
Do You Find Any Musicians Good Looking? Yeah
Can You Play An Instrument? I can break one
Type Of Music Most Listened To? Industrial and other synthetic junk
Type Never Listened To? Country and Rap
Favorite Book? Don't have one, but we'll see when I'm done with LOTR.

HOMOSEXUALITY
What Is The First Thing You Think Of When You See Two Gay Guys Or Lesbians Holding Hands? Same thing I think when I see straight couples holding hands: "Bastards."
Do You Hate Homosexuality? I love TEH GAYS. yes, teh gays.
Do You Agree Or Disagree With Gay Or Lesbian Couples Bringing Up Children? I have no issues with that as long as the children are provided with polarity. I'm all about polarity

GENERAL QUESTIONS
Whom Do You Believe Is The Smartest Man Alive At This Moment? Smart and man shouldn't be used in the same sentence unless smart is followed by ass.
What Do You Prefer, A Sunny Or Rainy Day? Rainy
Do You Consider Yourself Lucky? For the fact that I haven't been run over by a bus, yes. Other than that, no.
Do You Feel Pity For People Who Commit Suicide? Why would I? They set out to do something and succeeded. That's damn admirable.
Choose One Word To Describe How You Feel Most Often: disturbed

firing new life into dead circuits

2002-09-27 - 3:22 p.m.

currently:

I'm feeling 70% better, I'd say. Right now, anyway.

I frantically cut off all my nails last night o.O I'm not sure why... Guess they were beginning to annoy me.

Anyhow, I'm well rested and able to digest food again. And I left the house today O_O Amazing, non? Just for cigarettes... now there's a dedicated smoker. And I was rewarded--not only did I have a buy one get one free coupon, but marlboro had a buy one get one free pack special. So, I got three packs for the price of one. Yea! *hacks up a lung*

I've been playing Kingdom Hearts more. I'm in the Deep Jungle. Tarzan is a sessy hairless monkey.

I feel like I'm very very behind in my classes now... it's not as though I have actual work to do, but I'm clueless as to where we are in the text and what not. I'm not worried about American Lit or geography at all, but that pesky soc 101 (yes, a fucking 100 course, which should be as easy as high school gym) is going to fry a synapse in my brain. On my first day of that class (I registered late, so I missed the first day of it), the instructor handed me a BOX of papers and packets. I took one of each, and (I shit you not) I ended up with about 20 pages of pure crap. I sat there with my stack of goldenrod, pink, and puce papers and thought, "No tree should be slaughtered for a 101 class." It's unnecessary. If this information were so important, why is it not in the book? Or if the book is total crap, why have us buy it? And what's on these dittos? you might ask. Absolute shite. Lists of terms without definitions, charts, graphs, diagrams, etc. None of which any 1st year student WHO ARE USUALLY THE PEOPLE IN A 101 CLASS would look at, but whatever. (I'm not even sure what I could be classified as... Junior? Almost Junior? *shrug*) My point, and I don't really have one, the instructor's making a mountain out of a pissy little mole hill course. Grawrrrr.

My thirst is catching up to me. Mmm water so delicious.... *drowns*

I had a dream I was listening to myself in a studio or something. Pretty fucking scary, considering I couldn't sing if my life depended on it. No, middle school chorus didn't count as singing. What a dumb dream.

in the beginning
god created the heaven and the earth
and the earth was without form and void
and darkness was upon the face of the deep
and god said, "let there be light"
and there was light
and god saw the light, that it was good
and god divided the light from the darkness
and god called the light day and the darkness he called night
and god saw everything that he had made and behold it was good
and god created man and man created machine and machine...
machine created music
and machine saw everything it had made and said behold.

Stick that in your synthetic pipe and filter it.

*loses molecular stability to Apop and VNV Nation.

No lines
You and Me
are
One


where you go, I go. - 2013-03-17
leave me the way I was - 2012-11-08
Never Flicker - 2012-11-03
Sis boom bah - 2012-11-02
Like a rusty needle in your eye - 2012-08-07

lost - data