Which Goddess Owns You?
brought to you by Quizilla

The Goddess Death: Dark, morbid, appropriately represented by the color black and the element water. Death is reserved, intellectual, introspective. Rarely does she do anything requiring a lot of energy or display of emotion -- but when she does, anyone within a few planes would do well to duck and cover.

.... shutup.

Just a few minutes before I have to leave. Moo. When I return home, what will I do? I work in the morning.... have a test later that day, but I'll have plenty of time to study for that, so what the devil am I going to do in those few hours between coming home from class and napping?

I could play KH... but the difficulty of all the "worlds" just doubled and I was greatly annoyed by another winnie the pooh mini-game last night (fuck you, tigger!!), so I need a breather from that thing.

I will probably end up drawing on Oekaki while my eyes go blurry from strain.

I could always lie down with Tolkien and finish up LTOR. NOOOO. Must draw it out.

I'll think of something.

Ooh. I'm am copying off of da birthday girl. ='.'= *tackles Kuroiko and spanks her 23 times*

Are you a T0T4LLY 1337 D00D?
brought to you by Quizilla

Are you a bitch? Take a quiz to find out!
brought to you by Quizilla

another dumb quiz
brought to you by Quizilla

What kind of Goth would you be?
brought to you by Quizilla

And now, I must go get something to eat and read some Native American poetry before I go to class. JOY. FEEL my JOY.

currently: looking for something to do

*listening to Trent/NIN "Burn"*

And so begins the joy of laundry and dishes! WEEEEEEE. *crash*

I did not accomplish much today. I drew a naked guy holding his cock. That was productive. Then, I went to class. *yawn*

I got plently of sleep last night, yet I am tired now. Grr. Stupid human, inferior body! DAMN AND SPITE!

I bought these little wrist pads for ...uh... my wrists when I'm at the keyboard and mouse. They look vaguely like fake boobs but deformed. Oh so squishy under my wrists.

I do not work tomorrow, per usual... but my Wednesday day off is always ruined by class, so it's not a true day off. However, I do have three complete off days Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Watch those be ruined by homework/studying. ;-; But you can bet your ass I'll be sleeping in each of those days.

I really like my hard copy journal. Not the content, but the size and what not. It begs me to write in it more. Not that I have anything to write, most of the time.... Just the bitching and moaning and brain goo I do not share here. Ya know, the self-loathing bit and misanthropy. Happy things.

Don't you want me, baby?
Don't you want me OoooOhhh?

Squishy squishy

I think I have absolutely decided on buying a Gamecube and PSO. I was debating with myself and came to the conclusion that complete withdrawl through a video game would be nice. NICE I TELL YOU. Pixelated people are much easier to deal with. You don't like them, you kill them. Problem solved. =D

In an interesting side note, we had to pull a game called "Sniper" off the shelf today at work. Unless you've been living in a cave and just came out to read my diary, you'd know this is due to the sniper in D.C. Once caught, I think he should be fucked in the ass with his own loaded gun. But that's just my fantasy. Let me have it.

Ooh. I just got an e-mail declaring me a sinner from something called Jesuswatch.org. Let me write for you my possible sins so you may laugh with me:

- Viewing or discussion of child pornography. EWww.

- Glorifying fornication or practicing in 'virtual' fornification. Oh, baby, you're making me hot.

- Glorifying homosexuality or supporting the online presence of homosexuality. and what exactly is wrong with that?

- Verbally supporting the murder of one of God's children. Damn, ya got me.

- Supporting the government taking the lives of convicts. We must pray for them, not kill them. Why? So they can cost me more tax dollars? I'll gladly pay the price of a lethal injection instead of housing a nutjob for the rest of his/her life.

- Supporting interacial marriage. Remember that the Lord has created many beatiful versions of man and to mix them would destroy them. Well, since you're so uneducated as to believe in races, I'll gladly pay for your lethal injection, too.

- Blaspheme. Does the word "Christfuck" mean anything to you?

- Practice or online discussion of the occult. Do not sow the earth with evil. hail Satan or some jazz

- Participating in online discussions which encourage drug use. It's true, talking to me just might drive someone to use drugs.

I cut and pasted each of those, so that you could see the BEAUTIFUL grammar and spelling. I have to go check out this website now. It begs for it. Come, share my mirth.

*looks*

Okay, which one of you bastards sent this joke? *glares at Harley and Kuroiko*

Hmmm. The last few days have been somewhat annoying and/or sad.

My aunt was in the hospital. Nearly had a heart attack.

Rumors at work are flying like mosquitos around an American tourist in Africa. I hear several people are quitting/leaving. I can't even fake respect for Cockass anymore. He makes me hate him too much to. The same can be said for Dipshit (has the same position as Cockass). They can both take a ride on the fuck off tour boat. I'll pay for their tickets.

I turned in a miserable 5 page paper yesterday for English. I've written worse but not by much. I also bombed (I'm pretty sure) a Sociology quiz. And I had studied for that, too.

My car is making an awful rumble. >_< I need to have that fixed, the brakes tweaked, and an oil change. Luckily, my dad doesn't need any money for the whole plumbing problem (which was taken care of this morning--THANK GAWD, we have water!), so I can spend it on my car instead.

I saw a fucking flea earlier this morning. GRrrrr. My mother's dog is to blame, I am sure. Now I have to clean everything or I will go insane. Fleas and roaches are the two bugs I vehemently hate. Not fear, HATE.

I went to bed at 8:30 last night. MMm that was a yummy sleep. I was dead tired. It may be related or it may not, but I blacked out while sitting at my desk just before I decided to go to bed. I was just stretching back, and the next thing I know, I'm staring at the ceiling with that pins and needles feeling all over my scalp. Weeee.

I'm still playing Kingdom Hearts, too. I'm trying to drag it out as long as possible (unlike some of my friends *glares at Toni and Kitty*). Is so pretty. And yes, Syn, those camera angles suck.

currently:

*listening to Filter, "One is the Loneliest Number"*

Well, if I'm going into this inert state, could someone send a metal box to keep my heart in? Maybe then I could focus on school more and stop getting tangled up in stupid mind games with myself.

I have to write a paper (in fact, I should start it soon) about deistic thinking in the Declaration of Independence, Common Sense, and some Ben Franklin piece. Oh, I am thrilled. I've read the works, but I have no idea where to begin. There was a time when I was fairly confident with my bullshit, yet I don't feel that way now. Actually, I think everything I've thought or imagined or spoken is ridiculous. I think my IQ is dropping. Sometimes I feel so daft that I don't want to open my mouth for fear of something stupid coming out. Silly, isn't it?

Anyway, back to this paper. I dread writing it. I haven't the vaguest notion what I'm talking about when it comes to other peoples' literature. The best I can do is fire a shot in the dark and, knowing my luck, it'll ricochet off something and hit me in the knee. >_< Reflection papers suck racoon ass.

I took a shower at my mother's house. I was trapped there a few minutes out of courtesy to speak with her. "Jamie this, Jamie that... blah."

I cannot afford to miss anymore Eng. or Soc. classes. I don't know what's wrong with me this year. Am I burnt out? How can that be? It's not as if I go full time. Hell, I'm far from getting any sort of degree. But I am sick of it. Perhaps this is due to not really having a goal. To tell the truth, I don't even know why I'm in school. I don't know what field I want to enter. I never did. I was never good at anything enough to pursue it. Suppose four years of wandering aimlessly is wearing on me. I won't be able to take much more, I can tell. My brain will simply shut down. It feels hopeless, yet there's nothing to be done about it. I won't suddenly find inspiration anywhere. Watch me deteriorate further. Stagnant. Yet another wasted soul. Another wasted lifetime. Self-actualization my ass.

I want to be you, do you want to be me

currently: grawr

*listening to VNV Nation and other random stuff*

*stretchy* Work was lame. Nap was good. Now I'm bored. I could go out... *thinks* Or I could remain here. *thinks more* Ahh, fuck socializing.

I'd always tried to keep myself tied to this world
though I know where this is leading
Please no tears no sympathy

My patience and tolerance for bullshit and half-assed communication have worn out. You make no effort, so why should I? >_< You call that effort? Stick it in your ear.

And now for a change of pace. akdlakshh. I want my brown fox. O_o WHERE is heeeee? Murr.

MURR. *grumble*

You are Tatsurou, and boy are you crazy. You don't like wearing shoes, wear lots of black makeup, wear black clothing, and just about black anything. People don't just think you're on crack but they KNOW it. You enjoy writing poetry/music, and like your alcohol, you masochistic thing you. Which MUCC member are you? Find out here!

I've never even heard of this group... I just thought the result of the quiz was funny.

currently: hmmm. fuck.

*listening to Depeche Mode, Exciter*

I wish I could claim that I did something exciting tonight. No, 'fraid not.

In other news, I'm not depressed. I'm just unhappy. As always, a combination of things have been pressing on me lately. None worth mentioning. Don't feel like writing about them, anyhow.

A pattern seems to be arising in which I can't be happy yet I'm not depressed. Nothing monumental has put me in the place. I'm feeling oddly numb, and it's disturbing me. I want to feel something. Anything. *acme anvil falls on head* That's not what I meant.

I must go to bed, I guess. No reason to stay up. =/

*listening to Rasputina, "Cabin Fever!"*

Gawd, you people are superficial .

.....

The plumbing is fuct. We got a new water heater today, but it turns out that this was not the problem. A pipe had burst in the wall. -_- The water is still shut off, so I went to my mothers and brought back about 7 gallons of water for washing hands and brushing teeth and what not. I can shower at her place *shudder*... that will require possibly talking to her.

Yup, life is beautiful.

I envy Kuroiko. She went down to TN. A weekend getaway.

I am a complte shut-in. I like it that way. Means I have to talk to fewer stupid people. Or pretend to listen to stupid people. You get the idea.

I need to clean out the closet, metaphorically speaking. Time to pack up old friendships and loose ends and sit them on the curb. Or perhaps bury them. I dislike people drifting in and out of my life when it pleases them, so if you're one of these people... Don't be alarmed when I ignore you. I'm simply returning the favor. I mean, why bother? Mmm cynical lil' bitch, aren't I?

I have this little ammo case (my dad got it ages ago when he was in the army) that I keep happy things in. Mementos and such. I haven't put anything in it in years. Sad. Nothing happy has left any physical evidence in that long, I suppose.

Steady, now. Walking on eggshells.

currently: I just got out of bed

*listening to Prodigy, "Voodoo People" single*

Mmm. Yeah, I think I'm finally caught up on sleep for a while. This is good. I work 4 hours tomorrow, have to write a reflection paper for English, and must study for the test that was rescheduled in sociology. Other than this..... Things are fine. Though, I do have to deal with strange men fixing/replacing the water heater in a couple of hours. Oh, how I despise strangers.

I'm finding it ever easier to not care about people. I had a terrible dream that I confronted Julie last night. Consciously, I thought I was past all that... but I guess subconsciously, I've still got a demon haunting me. In the dream, I was yelling and swearing at her, desperately trying to vindicate myself of all the bullshit she'd judged me guilty of without even speaking to me beforehand. It's quite true that because of her my ability to trust has been damaged x10. In fact, I have not allowed anyone to get close to me or have pushed people away just to avoid pain again. Forget "once bitten, twice shy." I'm more "once bitten, run the fuck away."

Anyway, that dream sucked. But I won't let that get in the way of me having a nice day. Nice in that I don't have to work or leave the house or do anything productive. I can just stay in my little cell and do yoga if I so desire. Perhaps draw more ugly pictures on oekaki. ^_^

Haven't been to the gym in the while. Our schedules have been too fuct up or I've been sick or Kuroiko's been under the weather. This will have to be remedied somehow.

As for my health, I'm not sure what to make of it. At one point in time, I never got sick with the exception of bronchial problems once a year. In recent years, it seems like I've gotten sick more times than I can count. My immune system is a piece of crap. *sighs*

Wasn't in the mood to deal with keeping the dog separated from my cats (Morg would tear him a new asshole) and too tired to fool with him in general, so I took him back to my Mom's house. If I get up early enough, I'll go back tomorrow to walk him (yeah, right). I was tempted to just put him on her porch, but I had a feeling he'd have a cardiac arrest... pincers need company or they become mean.

I won't be on for long, I'm going to talk to Rask and then hit the sack. I took some tylenol, and the headache is subsiding for now. Mrooowww.

A new water heater is going to cost $500. I'm thinking of giving my dad a large advance on my car insurance, so he won't have to scrape the bottom of the barrel to pay for it. And the poor guy's sick, so I'm taking pity on him. And I live here, so I need water, too. I can afford it. I'm very tight with my money (except when it comes to anime), but this isn't something I can just ignore. Blah... ;_;

currently: owwie

*listening to the radio*

So, my brain has been steadily declining into exhaustion headache territory. In addition to this, I have a miniature Pincer trotting around my ankles. Yes, it's my mother's dog. She's out of town again, and I kidnapped the lil fucker because I'm sick of driving over to her place just to walk him. We'll see if I can tolerate him for more than five minutes very soon. If I have to get up in the middle of the night and drive him back to his proper home... I will be very grouchy.

His name is Pennington (Pincer--Pennington. Oh, how clever is my mother. bwahahahah *sigh*), but I call him puppet because he's so small and who the fuck is going to call, "here, Pennington"? And Penny doesn't suit him. He's currently eating bits of I don't know what off of my floor.

Gawd, my head hurts.

My little China girl, you shouldn't mess with me.....

I am, thankfully, off tomorrow. I will sleep in. I deserve it.

Sit, still, ya little shit. AGH. He cries if I leave the room.

The water heater is busted. Greaaaaat. The water will be shut off shortly. The laundry room is flooded. *headache expanding* I just took a shower while I could. It is raining cats, dogs, and iguanas outside. I like that. I don't mind. I do mind having a whiney little pup snapping at my heels as I try to go get some water to drink. WOULD YOU SIT DOWN, ALREADY!? JESUS.

*random line from The Prophecy: "I will love you more than Jeeesssussss."

Holy Shit, he's lying down!