currently: Oh, the pain!

*listening to Tori*

How aggravating.... can't get online with my cube. Grr. GRr, I say. I'm scouring message boards for help. Sad.

Anyway, I'm on the edge of blacking out. If I stretch, I get a buzz. WEee. That's what I get for being up since 7pm yesterday and taking a short nap earlier. And all I've eaten today was ramen noodles. Can't beat a ten cent meal.

My mother came knocking on the door while I was asleep. When I didn't answer, she went to her car and called. Ugh. She needs someone to pick her up from the hospital after she has her heart checked out on Wed. I was hyper-grouchy-bitch cuz she woke me up and wasn't able to form proper sentences when she was asking me if I could do it. I asked her how long it would take, and she didn't know. So, I'm supposed to psychically know, I guess. Of course, she got all pissy and stormed out.... Then, I woke up.

I have no problem picking her up, ya know? Whatever. But it would be kinda hard for me to pick her up if I'm in the middle of class. Maybe I'll have her give me her cel phone and she can call me from the hospital. Yeah. That works.

I think a piece of my brain just spilled out of my ear. *looks down*... Hmm. Vision too blurry to tell.

I'm wearing this Mary Shelley's Frankenstein t-shirt I've had for... 8 years. It has holes in strange places and the collar is worn to shreds. And I'm keeping it til the day I die. PACKRATS UNITE!

One of my female coworkers is having a long distance affair with a man 18 years older than her. She has a daughter, too. He visited her last week... and, yes, it's officially an affair. I wish she'd just go ahead and divorce her husband. He's a dick. She's no prize for cheating on him... but, hell, why put anyone through that pain? If anyone did that to me, I'd break their legs with a sledge hammer. But that's just me.

Goddamn, cable is nice.

Fug. I'm too tired to go on. Goodbye, wruel corld.
*head falls on keyboard*

dfsjk

I HAVE CABLE! MWAHAHAHAHAHAH....

and
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

oh. And I found a BBA for my cube for 36 dollars. *wiggles*

*listening to Tori Amos, Scarlet's Walk*

This CD is growing on me... like a hairy mole. Only prettier. o.O

Yeah, so, I have to go to work in an hour and a half. Joy. I see herbal speed in my future. Hurray for ginseng.

Maybe after class tonight (it is technicially Monday now), I'll go looking for a BBA. EB, Babbages, and a Funcoland are all relatively close together. And there's another Funcoland in town, so I'll have them call over there, too. Hear my fan-girlish whining and tremble with annoyance!

Because I know some of my pso buddies read this, I will post a little blurb every once in a while in magenta about my progress. Yes, it's true. I have no life. WEeeeeeeEEe. Ee.

I should finish Kingdom Hearts. I'm right at the end, and I lost interest. D'oh.

Murr. I'm getting a tablet in the mail, soon. Then I'll be able to draw and edit drawings better. Hurrah. I tapped my whole paycheck and then some in a matter of days. >_< BLEH

Fyxation
Defeated Mines at level 17.
Unlocked Ruins.
Marutah evolved into Ila (eww)--level 50something
raising another mag, Varuna now.
Current level: 18
Current weapon(s) of choice: Brands and mechguns.
Wondering: why does her TP regenerate if she stands still? And why can't she learn Reverser? And what the hell is a photon drop?

currently: a glut

*listening to my cat bathe herself*

I, being the lazy-ass-bitch that I am, went to bed around 7am this morning and just crawled out of bed about ten minutes ago. Sadly, I had nothing really worth being awake for. I missed daylight, but there isn't really much of that now, anyway.

So, I am royally fucked for tomorrow. I work from 6 to 12 in the morning and must fax some shit to the cable company before the guy comes to install my wiring between 12 and 3. I think work has a fax machine. If not, I'm screwed. How unusual. I have to go to class at 3, too. I get out around 6:30. Between then and 6am the next day, I will try to manage some span of sleep. Right.

In the midst of my slumber, I think my mother came into the house. From the hallway, I heard her mumble something which sounded like, "Arrubidin?" To which I answered, "Yeah..." and promptly rolled over and ignored her.

I'm trying to decide if I am hungry or not. I do not think I am. The only reason I got out of bed is because my bladder demanded it. Now here I am.

I've been trying to play PSO. It's mind-numbingly boring offline since I played episode I over a year on the dreamcast. For a while, I was all uppity about getting a BBA (as seen below), but now I don't give a fuck. If I find one, I find one.
I found a strange item while questing in the forest. It's called a Photon Drop, and I have no idea what it's for. But you can carry ten of them like other items, I think. Strange. I beat the worm boss with Fyxation last night. She was level 14. Ran completely out of monos and had one difluid left. Used two photon blasts on him with Marutah. Pretty pretty Marutah. (lil wingy mag). Oh, well, I guess I should go walk around a bit. Aufwiedersehen.

*listening to VNV Nation, Empires*

Yes, I'm aware of the time. I fell asleep at 8 last night and woke up at 1. *shrug* I'm sure I'll crash again soon.

I'm going to install my ethernet card tomorrow. Joy. Seems like I only bought this modem about a year ago. Oh, well, I can save it for... something. It's a wonder they're not obsolete yet. Must remember to mail in the rebate on the cable modem. I'm po'.

Actually, money isn't that terrible. But I've got to stop spending it. Seriously. My checking's getting smaller every time I turn around. And I'd like to save up a lil' nest egg again for when I pick up and leave. Yes, I will. Leave. I don't even know where I'll go. But who cares? Certainly not me. Anything will do at this point.

I do have to purchase some ethernet cable to run from my computer to my den, though. Dammit. At least I have employee discount. *sigh*

nothing i can do
that i have not done
no words i can say
no truth left that i can see
so must i let this end
let everything fall apart
before i live my life
as i have always done
tell me what to do
so i nothing wrong
something i can hope for
something real that i can see
so nothing falls apart
so this does not end
i cannot return
I can't start again

or is it "I can start again?" Well, whatever. Blah.

let's dance under the moonlight the serious moonlight

currently: I just can't win

I'm giving up for a while. Too much unnecessary stress... too much brooding. Too frustrated to think.

*eyes roll back into head* OOooooooHHHh! I can't wait til I get a BBA! And cable internet on Monday... *drools all over keyboard* um. excuse me.

Now to level up my adorable FOmar (male human force). ^_____^

I NEED A BBA FOR MY CUBE!!!!!!!!! AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Yes, I bought it today... and PSO!!!!!!! YEA! But I can't get online until I get a BBA... and I'm getting cable internet on Monday. My student discount rox and I'm installing everything but the actual wiring myself. Because I am a cheap ass. OOOO I'm so excited. I'm going to go play now! WEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

currently: GIDDY

*listening to Tori Amos, Scarlet's Walk*

PSO has come out in some places. So, I called work and it's not in there yet (the delivery date is tomorrow...) but the platinum cube (which had the same delivery date) was in. O_O WANTY WANTY WANTY!!!!!!

*maniacal gleam in each eye* Just think... I am only hours away from becoming a complete vegetable.... Oh, orgasamic joy of video game bliss. Yes, it will be mine. MWAHAHAHA.

Ahem.

I was reading over the story Rask and I had been writing back and forth through e-mail for several months. We sorta let it die, but I would like to finish it someday. It made me miss the old days. It made me miss talking all night or reading overly cutesy e-mails. *sigh*

I guess delving back into the world of PSO will revive some of the better memories. That or make me miss the better times even more. I welcomely accept that it is a form of escapism. Hey, at least I'm not curled up on a corner with a needle hanging out of my arm. I spent so much time on PSO when it was on the Dreamcast... even after the game had become dull, I amused myself talking to a variety of people whom I could play mind games with or carry on a real conversation. Well, as far as conversations go in the wired.

*goes super-deformed fan-girly* I will level up like a little bitch!

I really like this cd. It feels good in my bones. I want to shrink to the size of a bee and cling to Tori's hair.

Stupid weather. We didn't even get an autumn. pfft.

I just bombed my Soc midterm. Boo fucking hoo.

And tomorrow is Hallowe'en. My teacher cancelled class to feed the hungry little goblins. I cannot blame him. Although the goblins in my neighborhood are undeserving since they broke window and egged my house over a year ago. We got candy, anyway.

My mother's having heart problems. Nothing serious right now. =/ My aunt (on my father's side) just had surgery recently on her heart. The poor woman's already been fighting cancer and several other things.

This is not going to be a good year for me. Self-prophesizing is bad, I know... but some things you can just sense. My relationship with my mother is already so delicate... if something were to happen to her, I would be a wreck. Hell, I want to cry now just thinking about it.

The numbness is gone, and I'm exposed like a nerve worn raw. Everything is prodding me. Everything is moving me to tears. Nothing's good enough until I'm on my knees. It's a bad feeling when you think the world wants to see you break.

Enough of this introspective bullshit.