currently: RAGE

*listening to Covenant, United States of Mind*

What an infuriating day. Blah. My head is killing me.

Is February over yet? >_< This month has been nothing but shit on top of more shit.

I might just call it a night and curl up with a pillow over my head. I'm pissed off, and I have no one to direct it towards. Grawllll... probably PMS. Stupid X chromosomes. I want to take a bloody hot shower but the water is still off. FUCKKKKING HELL. I guess I have to go to my sister's for a shower again. -_- I want out of this hellhole now. Grrr.

I have devils on my mind
and the hour's getting late
there's nothing more to have
I'm waiting for the day
the weeks are passing by
thinking of the days
I want to burn myself again
I want to violate you
I want you to hurt me again

Ohhh, I'm never gonna waste your time
Burn your love tonight
Ohhh, I'm never gonna waste your time again
We can touch the stars tonight

I have devils on my mind
they refuse to set me free
my followers in crime
but you're the one I fear
hiding from your eyes
thinking of your skin
I want to burn myself again
I want to violate you
I want you to hurt me again

Ohhh, I'm never gonna waste your time again
Burn your love tonight
Ohhh, I'm never gonna waste your time again
We can touch the stars tonight.

Afterhours/Covenant

*listening to Rasputina, "My Fever Broke"*

Now that the ice has melted, I can turn the music up loud and wake up (partially) from this nightmare.

I bought Donnie Darko today and watched it and the deleted scenes. I thought I was in la la land before; this just increased the feeling like a placebo. ^_^

Once upon a time, I was a goddess. I created and destroyed without favor. Mysteries were my specialty. Climbing trees was more fun than messing with boys' heads. The future was only tomorrow, and the past was childhood. But I am flesh now.

Surreal is the only decent word I can come up with for the last 4 days. It's all blurred together like a bad fever dream. It's all over now. I can go back to spinning my self-serving lies. I can lie back in a boat made of twigs and leaves and drift along in the gutter.

Fox in the snow, where do you go to find something you can eat cuz the word out on the street is you are starving....?

currently: touching myself

Hmm. Yep, this still sucks. I guess I'll go take a shower at my sister's house tomorrow.

I just went to the kitchen to get water and my mom woke up and said, "Was I snoring?" Was she snoring?! Not two seconds before she woke up, the roof was rattling from the sheer force of her nostrils.

Dear Gods, please don't let me snore like that when I'm her age.

My cats have only left my room to use the litterbox or eat/drink. They're little chickenshits over the miniature Pincer in the den. But I'm kicking them out to fend for themselves, soon! AHAH!

I have successfully started working on a PSO story. I think it's pure shite so far, but I'll continue to work on it because I said I would write the fucking thing. -__- I'm not even sure if I've gotten the PSO background right; I'm just making it up as I go along and taking creative liberties left and right. WEeeee! Hurray for the horror that is fan fiction. Well, at least they're my characters. Can't fuck up their personalities that way. *rubs together evil superdeformed paws in a melodramatic villain manner* But wait until I get to my friends' characters! MWAHAHAHA... ha.

I could have played some of the old Phantasy Star games on a dreamcast disc I have... but the loading time was too painful. And I'm lazy.

I think I'll go work on that story now. Not quite tired yet.

Well, that sucked big fat donkey dick. The power went out Saturday night due to downed power lines which were layered nicely in up to an inch of ice. Apparently, we regained power last night while I was asleep. (Picture me in 4 shorts, 2 pairs of pants, gloves and under 4 blankets.)

The entire city is still pretty much fucked. The mayor declared a state of emergency. I've got the space heater on, and I'm still freezing my ass off because the house isn't warm yet.

During this horror of candleburning and solitaire, my mother decided to roust at my house. Her electricity went out, as well (as did about 60,000 others'), so she's been here since Sunday driving me up the fucking wall. I didn't sleep Sunday night because she snores like a congested troll, and she had the radio on all night. Yes, I'm quite ready for her to go home now. (please, gods, let her electricity be back on.) She even brought over her little heel-biting dog last night. I'm surprised my cats haven't shat in my shoes due to this.

After much fuss and restarting, I finally got my connection reset and here I am... basking in the glow of my monitor as I nearly inhale the pixels being fed to me. Mmmyep, I'm a computer whore.

I was supposed to work yesterday morning and this morning... Actually, work might be open today, who knows? Though I did see an entire electrical pole had fallen behind it yesterday, a contract crew was working on it as we passed by the second time. But I'm not bothering to find out if work is opening. My car is still buried in ice, I'm still cold, and I'm tired as fuck. My dad woke me up to announce that we had electricity. I just about flew out of bed to turn on the space heater and start up my computer. What? I've been bored out of my bloody mind! All I've done for 2 and a half days is read and write and listen to my walkman! AGHHHHH!

On top of all this, our water was turned off again because the pipe in the front yard cracked again; the one that had just been patched a few weeks ago. I'm glad I took a shower before going out yesterday. -_-

And so, I leave you now... for mindless internet surfing, sleep, and the heat of a machine at my feet.

currently: narf narf narf

I just signed up for Beta 2 testing of Ragnarok Online. I got everything installed, but the actually testing doesn't start until Feb. 21. Foo. It's been a long time since I played it.

So, why am I paying ten bucks to play a Beta? Well, for one, I'm not right in the head. Mostly, I just want something else to do. PSO is draggy right now, too. Xenosaga comes out soon. Murrrr. Also .Hack is out, but I hear it's really short. I need games to distract me from thinking as much as possible. All I can think about are unhappy things, so any distraction is welcome.

With my birthday creeping up on me, the more I'm busy doing something else, the less likely I'll worry myself away with regret and other mucky muck.

Who broke my heart?
You did you did
...
Shoot that poison arrow through my heaaaa~~art

I've thought out a story to write, but I can't bring myself to start it. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe never.

stupid stupid

currently: sitting here dead tired and in a towel

*listening to random shit I burned*

I feel like my eyeballs are going to fall out of their sockets. O_< Must go to sleep.... want to stay up and write, but my head is hurting. Blurf.

I babysat the munchkins for a little while today, then talked to my sister for a bit. My sister is very invasive as to my personal life. She asked if I was a virgin today. That was pretty much out of no where. And then she couldn't remember how old I was. -_- My family... I wonder if I can sell them on e-bay.

I've got nothing to hold on to. Bleh, I don't know where that came from, either. It's not Valentine's Day. It's just February. Love aside, there's little in life that makes me happy. Soaking up the pain from others isn't helping, I assure you.

I'm so repetitive. Just like my mother. Ugh. I've been thinking bad things lately. Unhappy things which can turn a sweet cherry into a lemon. Rip out my eyes! aghhhh!

*Trent Reznor, "Burn"*

I think I'll just go to sleep and wish the world away.

Fyxation
current level: 124
hp: 884/tp: 861 (that's with equipment)
Mag: Savitri (finally) 200
New items: a bunch of Dragon Slayers and other junk I already have. Poo.
I can equip my Safety Heart! YAY!

Ugh... Valentine's Day. Hurray for commercial holidays for people that don't know how to express love the other 364 days of the year! FUCK YOU ALL! I hope you all get cavities and your roses poke you to death!

And I still have one more day to wait until I can really bitch. Not that I'm bitter or anything. *fume*

I am planning to write a PSO story. I'm already laying out the plot and character relations. I'm a nerd.

I'm still wearing a knee brace when I work. If only my knee didn't feel like it was going to break my leg in two...

And I have to work in... uh... 7 hours. Not that it matters. Nothing matters right now. I'm not depressed, I'm just in a funk. I feel like I've got nothing worth doing. And what will I do for my birthday? *sigh* Levels of apathy sky-rocketing. Weeeeee.

Blah.

Hello

Hello, hello?

Are you out there?

M. O. D. are you out there?
I can't see your face
But you left a trace on a data back-road
That I almost erased
Not even God takes this long to get back
So get back

'Cause I hit a fork in the road
I lost my way home
I'm cut off from our main line
Like a disconnected modem

Hello
Tap in the code
I'll reach you below
No one should brave the underworld alone
Hello, hello, hello

How do I reach you? Oh?

Word has it on the wire
That you don't know who you are
Well if you could jack into my brain
You'd know exactly what you mean here

Mothers are trails on stars in the night
Fathers are black holes that suck up
the light
That's the memory I filed on the fringe
Along with the memory of the pain you
lived in

Hello

I don't have the password
But the path is chain linked
So if you've got the time
Set the tone to sync

Tap in the code
I'll reach you below

Hello, hello

Are you out there?

Poe & Ronnie Estelle

I woke up around 5pm. Oops.

There went my day off. *sigh*