currently: if I stay busy, the demons won't get me

I can't believe I actually start school today. *grumble grumble* And ya know what? I don't think I'll sign up for a fourth class. I doubt anything is open that would fit my schedule, anyhow.

I got Wolf Man's directions to his place.
O_O
This should be a fun drive. *twitch*

I need to find something to occupy my time until 6:30. Hmm. We'll see....

currently: RARRR I love my stereo

*listening to Filter, Amalgamut*

I successfully got three classes today. I may search for an open 4th if I can push myself into giving a shit. What's on the menu? Sociology 101 (I need 2 more social sciences and this will be one), English 251: survey of American Lit. (shoot me NOW), Geography 160: lands and people of the non-western world (I think this is #2 of social science. The advisor said that I only need 60 credits before I'll have an Associates in Arts... I'm at 49 now. Of course, I have to squeeze in a math course *shudder*. I wasn't really going for an Associates... but whatever. If I go back to EKU next year, all the classes I've taken at LCC will just be back-support fluff for some real degree. Whatever that may be.

I hate thinking about this stuff. It's the one thing in the world which I need to be led into by someone holding my hand. I have no idea what I'm doing! WAH! If only I could dedicate all my time to it, then maybe I would have some clue as to which direction I'm going. But I have to work. Hopefully, the classes I have signed up for will not be overwhelming. Last fall was a bloody nightmare which I do not want to repeat. Though I managed to slither out of that semester on my belly, it was draining and left very little desire in me to do anything when I wasn't working or studying but sleep.

Tomorrow, I have geography. Tonight, I go to the gym and sit on my ass. And possibly install my new air filter for Pandora. And maybe I'll try to transfer all my game data for the Sims from Pai to Yakumo (my computers). The Sims Online comes out soon, and if I get dsl it will be on this computer (Yakumo)... so, I'd have to do the online Sim thing... well, you get the idea.

and it feels like
that you're with me or against me
and it feels like
that your promises are all a mess
and it feels like
that to push me is to shove me
and it feels like
that the only way is the wrong way

Ahhhhh

currently: bored

*listening to VNV Nation, FuturePerfect*

If I've got this whole free week ahead of me (minus the glorious hell of school registration) and absolutely no obstacles in my way and no crises to overcome, then why do I feel so hollow? I'm not unhappy, yet I feel like something is missing. I've been filling my own head with doubts about everything I have thought within the last several months. Was I lying to myself? Was it all imagined? What was the point?

Maybe all my thoughts were subconsciously misdirected. To avoid what, though...? The terrifying truth behind door number one? Probably. Day by day, I'm dealing with an intense battle of wills with my ego (or lack of ego).

People get upset with me when I tell them I have no interest in my own humanity. I only feel human once in a while. The rest of the time, I'm just an animal with a bigger chunk of gray matter than most. Even then, I am lacking the basic instincts of an animal. I have no will to thrive. Perhaps this is why people are irritated with me. Anything less than natural is an annoyance to their "this is the way things are" world. I dunno. I stopped caring about that long ago. All I can do is reflect on it with an intuitive perspective.

Wow, I'm feeling dangerously neutral about everything right now. Whatever happens happens. I wish I could feel that way when the heavens open up and begin raining shit on me.

*David Bowie's Heathen stirs*

I'm sure I'll get back to my depressing ramblings sooner or later. Since I'm in the middle now, it can't be far off. I kinda like it one way or the other, for being in the neutral zone sux ass. I'm feeling-impaired.

And you. Why do you hurt yourself and excuse it as fun? Do not be surprised if I ignore you. I don't want to be hurt by a person who knows better. And you do. So, take your drugs and your bitter wine, take them with you when you accidently die.

currently:

*listening to David Bowie, Heathen bonus cd*

I fixed Snowgeisha's archive page. I'm pretty sure many diaryland users were unaware of the problem last month that screwed up their "older" page. It's rather easy to fix, and instructions can be found in the news area of d-land.

Well, I was playing ff6 again... *grumble* I was just about to get Cyan when the game blacked out and wouldn't load a battle. And I hadn't saved in a while. I'm just jinxed, I guess.

So, now what?

I demand a better future...

currently: doobie doo

I uploaded more blobs. ^_^

I have nothing else to report.

currently: Mew

*listening to VNV Nation, Empires*

I signed up for gold membership with diaryland. Go me. I'll be uploading more lil bouncy icons and some other pics soon. I made a couple banners... but I don't know which one to use yet. I don't really care about getting people to click on it. I just wanted to make something pretty. And I was bored. Sue me. Woo. I can make surveys, too! *evil squint*

My mother came over and distracted me from registering for classes. But I did go through the catalog while she talked my ear off. I highlighted all the possibilities and such.

I am taking Wolf Man grocery shopping, I have decided. He must stop living out of his microwave and Foreman grill. And I must bring something to sleep on.... All he has is a futon. Can't you just picture me stealing his blanket and kicking him onto the floor? Heh, no, I'm not that mean.

Wow... the beginning of a hopefully peaceful week has arrived. Now to look into all those things I mean to look into long ago.

Installation for cable internet access is $100. What a bunch of BS. I can buy a cable modem at work with my discount. Cable's $45 a month. DSL is $50. Hmmm.

Will the world stay standing still, at least for me?

I just remembered that today would have been my step-father's birthday. He died in 1996 from a heart failure coupled with a seizure or something like that. We weren't close; he was just my little brother's dad. Still, I wonder where he'd be now if he were still alive.