currently:

*listening to Audioslave*

Well, this week kicked my ass. I'm glad it's over. I finally have a day off, and I can rest. Really rest, not just sleep. Of course, I'll waste Sunday away by cleaning and some other pointless efforts. I am such a positive thinker! You can all rot and fester.

I hope that thinking too much about moving out and getting a better job does not ruin it for me. Usually when I do that, nothing ever goes as I wish it. Then a vision came to me, when you came along. I gave you everything, but then you wanted more. Heh, now I'm free.

Still, I'm hanging on. And I'm distracted by pretty nail polish.

I wonder if there's anything in the movie theater worth seeing. Maybe I'll hit a dollar theater tomorrow and find out. Too tired to do anything tonight. I plan on sleeping soon. I don't even care if I wake up in the middle of the night. I've got no one to keep up with. ^_^ I have so much stuff to think about. Ugh. Stress when none need be. I'd rather put a bucket on my head and run full speed into traffic. Look, Wendy, I can fly!

I don't know what you think, but you're probably wrong. I know I'm wrong. Here, let me try to care. *pause* Pretty nail polish.

I'm going to die alone, aren't I? *eery Donnie Darko moment followed by the Twilight Zone theme* I am not stepping into morbid territory. I'm too old for this shit. (Lethal Weapon 3 was on in the break room today.)

:: how nintendo are you? ::

Watching Samurai X: Reflection (the finale to Rurouni Kenshin) while depressed is not a good idea. Before, I was mopey. Now, I am uber-mopey. Grawl. ;_; So SAD! It's done in the same style as Trust and Betrayal were done. The drama!

I want to crawl under a rock... but Wolfsheim is on.

My supervisor makes more than almost every supervisor in the store, including some employees that have been there several years. This is bullshit. He gets paid twice as much as I do and does half as much work. If stuff like this continues, I will just leave. The morale is at an all-time low, anyway.

But enough about work.

I'm feeling pretty gloomy today, so I'll keep this short. I slept a lot again. I can't seem to help myself. Sleep is kind to me. It takes me out when I don't want to think, have a headache, or have nothing to do. Yeah, it's the perfect companion. Just me and sleep. What a thrilling life I lead.

I'm going to go ritualistically cut my fingernails off now.

I'm looking into getting a semi-office job where a friend works. The pay is good, and my friend seems to love it. This will make affording an apartment much easier and ease my stress somewhat. Hurray for that.

=O removed for public safety. (and to conserve space)

currently: omg teh pain

*listening to Fiona Apple, When the Pawn....*

I heard a voice in the water. It said that I would heal in 9 days. I'm not sure what it was referring to. Possibly the strained muscle under my right shoulderblade. (which is hurting like a bitch every time I move my back the slightest bit). I'm not sure. It's not every day water talks to you. O_O

My sister should quit her job. Fuck those bastards for fucking her over. It's too long a story to bother explaining... suffice to say, she got screwed by the man. I should quit too. But then there's that whole job hunt thing, and I am lazy.

I'm still trying to lay out plans for the coming months. Plans never go as planned, so I don't know why I try.

Please forgive me for my distance
The pain is evident in my existence

I will sleep soon.

Two of my coworkers got engaged the other day. They've only been together for 5 months. The wedding is supposed to be in the fall after next. Congratulations to them. At least someone out there is happy.

It's been so long since I've been the watcher, that I've forgotten how it feels. Life is a spectator sport! Once again, anyway.

*"Wish You Were Here" covered by Rasputina*

It seems that though I hate working at my current job, I will suffer through the hours they are smacking me with because I need to start saving up money for the big adventure. I have nothing else to do, really. If I work and sleep, it'll all be a blur in my head just weeks from now. I hope. Oh dear, I've take a turn for the worse.

And I can't think of anything to write. I might bring the world down with me if I try.

--I actually wrote this entry between 3:30 and 6pm, but the servers were down, so it didn't get sent. Luckily, I saved it... or else, I probably would have smashed something =O Well... here it is... --

currently:

*listening to VNV Nation, Empires*

I fucking hate politics. You read me? HATE them. So, without further ado, let me go into my little war rant which seems to be the ideal subject with diaries and journals these days.

This war was inevitable. I knew that it would occur in my lifetime regardless of who would be president at the time. And who the fuck likes war? If the world were a happy place, we'd be beyond all this shit... no, wait, that would be heaven. But we're on earth. Earth. The beautiful little dirtball run by dicks. The place where one person's happiness means another person's misery.

Anyway, I wish I could sit back in my cozy little material world and say war is wrong BLAH BLAH BLAH. People have the right to live! The sanctity of life! PROTEST! OUTRAGE! I'm sorry. It's not that easy. Not for me, anyway. Since the dawn of civilization, one group or government or power has toppled another for one reason or another. And we (especially Americans) have become so romantic and idealistic that we have no idea what's going on in the world around us. We see on the news that millions are starving and dying in Africa, but it doesn't really impact us. It's there but not here, so it doesn't exist to us. In a way we can understand, anyway. Save the children! Save the whales! Save the rain forest! Meanwhile, I'll be drinking a margarita on the beach while my SUV's getting a paint job.

A nation of inactive hypocrits that are eager to judge and point a finger and spout off an opinion without researching or examining the offender, that's what we've become. But we're also the United States; the country with the balls to tell the world what we don't want and actually do something about it. For the most part, we want what is good for the world, but we're more concerned with protecting our own asses. It's called survival of the fittest. If we gave away too much or gave in too much or settled for anything less, do you think you'd be sitting in front of a computer reading this? It's part of the reason the middle east and much of the world hates us so much. We have so much and what we share does not get to the people who need it. And those people who don't get what we give... they're told we give nothing by the people who take it. (that was one hell of an ugly sentence. Forgive me.)

So, should we be pissed that the unfortunates are being manipulated? Should we be pissed that these people get nothing?

And I hate that this is being called the "Rich Man's" war. Fuck that bullshit right into the ground. There's a history with Iraq and Iran of which most people my age are unaware. Some of us may recall the Gulf War but not much before it. So, excuse me if I get a little pissy--but this war has more to do with than oil. Fuck oil! Don't get me started on Royal Dutch Shell (better known as your local Shell gas station) which is royally fucking the Ogoni people of Nigeria (don't buy gas there or I will hurt you!).

...uh... Where was I?

Oh yeah! Iraq!

Ah hell, let me just go into Afghanistan first. ^_^

Afghanistan was created as a buffer zone by Russia and Great Britain during the reign of Catherine the Great to prevent them from warring with each other. Russia was expanding south at this time. Well, guess what? Russia eventually decided they just had to have a warm water port which was located in--where else?--Afghanistan. So, in 1979, they invaded. I was a fetus as this time, so forgive me if I screw up the details. A group of people called the Mujahadeem (sounds like something out of Dune) fought off the Russians with support from the US. During this time, the Mujahadeem sent their children to Pakistan. Between 1979 and 1989, Russia bitterly retreated and a temporary government was established to provide each ethnic group (Pushtins, Turkmens, etc) in Afghanistan with representation (voting rights). Of course (remember that thing I wrote earlier about this being a dirtball where one person's happiness is another person's misery?) conflicts arose between the groups.

Not surprisingly, this led to a lovely little civil war until 1996... when those kids that had been sent to Pakistan returned (now fully educated and pissed off) and formed the Taliban (like omg). So, the Taliban siezed Kabul, the capitol and took control.

Due to the war with Russia, Afghanistan has no railroads, no bridges, and is dirt poor. Previously and to this day, they are subsitent agriculturally-- in other words, they have no profit and only grow enough to get by. Less than 30% of the kids get education and the life expectancy is around 43.

Now onto Iran.

Up until around 1970, Iran was known as the Persian Empire. Shah Reza Pahlavi wanted to modernize Iran... give women the right to vote, that sort of thing. Go figure, the people didn't want this, so they revolted and the economy (read: oil) suffered. In 1979 (what a busy fucking year), Pahlavi left Iran and Ayatollah Khomeini (who'd been chillin' in France until this point) returned to turn Iran into an Islamic republic. Khomeini reversed all the changes Pahlavi had made.

Also in 1979 (Jesus Christ...), Saddam Hussein (now I have images from the South Park movie in my head) invaded Iran. An ongoing conflict about the Shatt al Arab waterway served as excellent fuel for this war. Other reasons: end Iranian occupation of islands in the gulf, suppress the Kurdish movement (Kurds are non-Arabic Muslims who live throughout the Middle East and are discriminated against heavily), and stop Iranian agitation of Iraqi Shi-ites (Iran's population is dominated by Shi-ite Muslims).

Seeing that his people are still disgruntled and angry about Pahlavi's efforts, Khomeini turns this anger on Iraq. Land dispute? What land dispute? This is Holy War, baby.

In a matter of nine years, over one million people died. The infrastructures of both countries were destroyed. Iran had more people; Iraq had bigger guns.

Though Iran is still an Islamic republic, their current generation make perfect allies to the US. Publically, Iran and the US still sneer and call each other names. Privately, they're trading marbles and plotting the demise of the bully.

Can you guess who the bully is now?

I'll give you a hint. He picked on Kuwait for their lunch money in 1990. Read this. It's shitty and short, but I don't feel like summarizing it. I've written for over 2 hours (and I haven't had a nap yet ;_;).

So, Saddam never disarmed. *insert "duh" here* Throughout the Clinton administration, he never disarmed because Clinton didn't want to step on his toes. United States is the country that put their foot down and said "Do this... or else." So, Iraq pretty much ignored us until 1998.

I guess the "else" part is kicking in now. It was going to at some point. It was a major issue that we didn't hear much about during the Clinton administration (perhaps because all the focus was on our President's dick rather than the matters abroad), and it's still a big issue. It couldn't be swept under a rug forever. Is it better to deal with it now? Or wait? Because that's all we could have done. Just wait and wait and OH FUCK I'M DEAD.

I still don't know where I stand. I'm a wishy washy dreamy American, afterall. But I know one thing: I may not be patriotic, but I support the people that serve my country. They do the dirty work to keep us free. And if you don't think you're free, by all means, jump on a plane and fly to Bhagdad. Better yet, instead of sitting on a sidewalk in Washington DC in protest, go to Iraq and play human shield. It will accomplish more, I'm sure. And maybe Saddam Hussein will come to some epiphany and say, "I have nothing to hide! No, really! Nothing up my sleeve! I have nothing against you at all. Love and Peace."

/end rant (thank the gods)