currently:
*listening to the Hackers soundtracks*

Wooo... New layout is done for now. I may add images for the previous and next links. Hm...

New layout coming soon. =P This white and pink and red is driving me apeshit.

The Withered Lover

What sign of the Black Zodiac are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Typos reign over all quiz images.

I just checked the referrers page for my diary stats. Apparently, someone searching for "how to fuck female pet dog in your house" came directly from this page http://aolsearch.aol.com/aol/search?query=how%20to%20fuck%20a%20female%20pet%20dog%20in%20your%20house&page=5 to my diary.

Dear reader, you are fucking sick. If you are too embarrassed to seek help, please remove your genitals to insure the safety of house pets everywhere.

I just had the stupidest pseudo-erotic dream ever. I'll spare you the details. Feel free to giggle now.

currently: I want you to trip like I do

*listening to Velvet Acid Christ, Fun with Knives*

I went to Home Depot today in search of paint. I came home with more pieces of paper with sample colors. So many delicious shades of green! I cannot decide. And there are so many ways to paint nowadays. >=D I am intrigued.

Uh, Ragnarok Online. Heh, I don't think I'll be playing it. I don't have the urge to. I haven't the urge to play anything right now except for old school stuff once in a while. Chances are, if it doesn't have a turn-based battle system or a pretty vampire in it, I won't play it. (Alucard... *drooool*)

I keep waiting for work to get in a cheap controller for the PC so I can play the GBA Castlevania's on an emulator. I have no need of a portable gaming device. Stick your GB Player up your butt, Nintendo. I am stingy. Besides, you got 100 bucks out of me for a keyboard... well, one of your distributors did, anyway.

Moving on.

I have a tummy ache. Rar. Bleh.

Maybe I should request a day or two off once I get the paint. I dread moving furniture around. The need to move stuff around is growing in me, anyway, though. So, it will be good to get everything done in one swell foop. ^_^ Yes, I'm one of those people that moves furniture around at 2am. Pushing bookcases across the floor with my feet while I'm up against a wall is quite fun. Fun, I say! (weak upper body compared to legs; typical of the female species.)

You are The Oracle, from "The Matrix."
Wise, kind, honest- is there anything slightly
negative about you? You are genuinely
supportive of others. Careful not to let people
take advantage of you, though.

What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

It's true. I love candy. Not you, Candy. Mmm, chocolate will be my downfall.

Once again, I have taken to sleeping far far faaaar too much. I went to sleep yesterday at 6:30pm and awoke this morning around 9:30. Oopsy. Hey, look at me! I'm a typical, textbook clinical depressive type! Yea! Go me. N' stuff.

*Rhett Miller "Am I Gonna be Lonely for the Rest of My Life" comes on*

Fuck you, Mr. Winamp.

As I sit right here, I have no friggin' clue what I'm going to do in the coming months. I haven't gotten any word regarding financial aid, which sucks because it's getting harder and harder to dip into my checking to pay for school. Dammit, I'm poor! Help me, you stupid government! Stop giving my tax dollars to kids with more money than me >=(

Uhh... yeah, so, anyway, school. >_<;; Maybe I'm going about this the wrong way. Maybe I should finish up an AA then go to technical school. I've always been good at ripping computers apart and putting them back together. And software has never been an issue for me. Grawl. BUT. Do I wanna be stuck doing that crap for the rest of my life?

Given the opportunity, I'd love to do monster makeup or something like that.

I started my first oil painting today. It's a slow medium for me. I don't think I like it, but we'll see.

New Radiohead! *melts* And it has substance! Creamy creamy substance!

I splurged on anime. I can do that now that I don't have to save for apartment rent. =O Mmmm... Saiyuki, Yame no Matsuei (Descendents of Darkness), and Full Metal Panic. I am an anime whore. -_- Wahhh! I dun wanna grow up. You can't make me. Cartoons..... precious precious cartoons.... so shiny and new. Too many elipses....

Tell me why I feel this pain
Help me out while you still can

Tell me why I feel this pain
Help me out while you still can

Tell me why I feel this pain
Help me out while you still can

To take me away, to take me away
Take me away...

Take me away...

Away...

Apoptygma Berzerk "Snutt 7"

currently: can't go back to sleep yet

Meetings suck.

*listening to October Project, Radiohead, and Boa on shuffle*

I'm gonna make a timeline quiz. Yes, I am bored. I thought about it on my way home from work.

Twenty years ago, I was: Playing with Legos, sporting a bowl haircut, and cute.
Fifteen years ago, I was: struggling in school, making friends with idiots, and playing with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Ten years ago, I was: adept at surfing the astral plane, falling in love with Tori Amos, teaching myself how to draw, and had hair down to my ass.
Five years ago, I was: graduating from high school, working at a movie theater, addicted to Playstation, and totally disappointed with humanity.

Some thing's never change. And some thing's do.

Right now, I: draw once in a while, haven't had a haircut in months, am still addicted to video games but lesser so (because there's not much to play right now), work in retail, go to school when the mood strikes me to learn something, and have become neutral on almost all subjects but morality.

*listening to Dead Can Dance, "Persian Love Song"*

Bweeee. Caffeine+meeting in the morning=CRAAAAAP

Spent the evening talking with Darkcaesar at Perkins. We always have these long conversations about sociology and individuals and what not. It's brainfood; it gets the gears turning.

I came home to find that Rask had messaged me. I wish I had been here to talk with him, but at the same time, he's never on when I might want to message him or something. Run on sentences are our friends.

And this song is making my limbs ache.

*turns on Ghost in the Shell's "Floating Museum"*

I think it's almost time to go to bed, lie in my clothes, think about him and wonder where he is, and dream over better/different tomorrows. Cuz love is a disease that way.

The Matrix: Reloaded was much better the second time around. I could ignore the fluff and absorb the story more thoroughly. Hurf.

*listening to Tori Amos, Scarlet's Walk*

Life is a series of mistakes. You can wonder what your next one will be, or you can worry about the ones before. I try not to worry anymore. While doing so, I've lost feeling. I've lost caring. I've lost my mind, and my heart's not far behind.

I read back through letters and diary entries and notes scribbled in the margins of papers or assignments. I stumble through them like I'm following breadcrumbs on my way back home.

Sometimes, all you can do is sing and and let your shoulders sway. It doesn't matter when tomorrow starts. Just another day.

I can't even pinpoint the exact time that I lost something so important to me. I can't pinpoint the day it left me. I can't recognize the day I became no one to someone I love so much. It's impossible to mark it up as "life" and move on. There's always going to be a big fat WHY slapped across it in a file inside my head. Aside from that, I've let it go. Admitting you're powerless is admitting you're weak. And who wants to be weak?

Love was nice. In the end, it bit me on the ass, though. My rational self knows it's over when I have been ignored for so long. My irrational self says, "Fuck you! I want my bedtime stories back, goddammmit."

And he lived happily ever after.

... The creator of this quiz is obviously not an Owl.

Last night, I had a dream that I was in another city. I saw someone familiar, but he had long hair. Most of the dream has already blurred away. I do recall chasing after a vehicle that the guy was in, climbing up the back of it, and pulling myself up to kiss him. I felt like it was the only chance I had to do so. And it was heaven. But I don't remember any more.

*listening to VNV Nation, Futureperfect*

I think I'll paint my room in a few weeks. And the den. Maybe the bathroom, too. *screams*

You know me. I hate everyone.

I'm still in an anti-social mood, to say the least. I have gone out of my way to not talk to people the last week or so. I barely even respond to instant messages and e-mail. It just feels so pointless to talk when no one is listening. And I've got nothing to say.

I keep playing October Project.

I picked up the Animatrix today. I'll watch it later, when I've unwound from my early work hours.

Last night, when I was listening to "Ariel," I drew this:

I had drawn it on oekaki, and my stupid cable dropped out. Had to unplug my modem and restart, so I couldn't send it. Had to screencap it, instead. Oh, well. I think this is my first mermaid done in oekaki, but I can't remember.

Congratulations, you're a Drac, a seductive fae.
What kind of female faerie are you?
Take the female faerie quizby Paradox.

I saw Finding Nemo yesterday and went to Bruce Almighty today. They were both good.

Pixar blows my fucking mind.

I just slept from 6:30pm last night to 6:30am this morning. Sometimes, I never want to get out of bed. Sometimes, I don't have a reason to. Unfortunately, I have to work this evening. I will, no doubt, be a zombie. (If I'm not already.)

I'm a commercial for Zoloft. My brother is on that for OCD.

I don't feel sad. I feel like nothing makes me happy. And now it's difficult to find the motivation to do anything. Brain chemicals, you suck.

Every day, somehow, someone reaches out and uses me. I'm beginning to think I was put on the earth to service others. I know. I was just a pithy thought. Not worth dwelling on.

I never ask anything of anyone. Perpetual middle child syndrome... I should have been the baby. I should have been the spoiled one. But I'm used to not getting what I want and compromising to make others happy. Everyone before me. I'm used to never being thanked. I am a doormat. It doesn't matter what I do.

I'm used to feeling like shit. Day in; day out. The backseat is my home. Today, I see it more clearly. And it makes everything under the skin hurt. Because no matter where I am or who I am with, my thoughts are unimportant.

This is my victim statement for the day.