currently:

*listening to the cd I made for Cyannies ^_^*

I'm not going to bring everybody down today by telling them about iron poisoning and how it makes your intestines burst. Maybe I'll save that for another day.

Blargh... tired. Sleeping habits=shitty. I have these early work shifts throughout the week, but I always manage to fuck myself over by staying up to some ungodly hour on the weekends and sleeping late the next days. And it's not as though I'm doing anything of importance, either.

Hear, hear.

Mother driving me up the wall. What's new? She's been coming over every day to rant to me, despite my blank stare and the line of spittle pouring out the corner of my mouth. She never stays long. In fact, I get the distinct feeling she's using me to look up things for her on the internet (mostly regarding behavioral hospitals in this state or prescription drugs or other such crap related to my brother). Such love!

I haven't seen my brother in over a year. He's twelve years old now. Probably taller than me, the little shit. I think it's actually not a bad idea that he's in some sort of psych ward for the rest of his life. I normally wouldn't say that about anyone... but he's a danger to the public and a ticking time bomb for my mother. I dread the day he's back in her home and wielding another screw driver. I hope he's never given the opportunity again. Autism, my ass. His brain has been turned to mush by over-medication or mis-medication. What started as hyperactivity disorder has ballooned into "tourettes, autism, focal seizures."

I work with an ADD kid. Real ADD, not those little pussy whiners that diagnose themselves with it because they have short attention spans. ^_^ No, this one's for real. He could be working on something, get sidetracked and start working on something else, then leave that and go back to what he was first doing--completely forgetting about the other thing. Completely. I can't count the number of times I've had to clean up after him. But I don't mind. He can't help it. We joke about it, but I think some of my coworkers abuse the whole ADD thing with him. He's never used his ADD as an excuse for not doing something. It's not only an attention thing. It's memory. So, fuck all the pussy whiners. Fuck them, I say. If you know one of these people with a "short attention span (whine),* bitch slap them. If they'd just accept that they're easily bored like the rest of us, there would be no slapping. Always hungry for the next best thing... BLEEEE.

I had a point in there somewhere. But, OMEG, I can't sit here anymore! I'm bored! I think I'll go snort pixy stix and eat some cocaine. /sarcasm

It only takes a glimpse, a sound, or sensation to bring back emotions that for so long I've been running away from. It only takes a brush against my sleeve, a certain fragrance in the air, or a sigh on the other end of the world for everything to stop and make me stare into nothing. In that moment, my vision blurs and my heart triple beats. My hands start to shake, and I wonder, "What's coming next?"

I would like to say, "A world of experiences awaits me. I can do anything." I do not hunger for experiences or for doing anything. I would much prefer to climb into the mountains and get burrs stuck to my pant legs. I'd prefer to make a walking stick out of a fallen branch and lean on it when the mountains are steep. The smell of rotting leaves, tree sap, and distant rain are welcome compared to the stench of industry.

Still, my hands are trembling. A frown has knit itself upon my face.

She once said that love should never be a mistake. I want so very much to believe that.

Going online is just something you do in your spare
time. I bet you don't even know what hax0r
means. Not exactly a bad thing..

What kind of Internet user are you?
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Your inner demon is anger. If you would like to
seek help with this issue anger management may
help. *beats creator with a stick* Or don't!!
It's your choice!!

What is your inner demon?
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You're Genevieve! You're the cool designer and even
though you're around carpentry you're not
afraid to take off your shoes and walk around

Which Trading Spaces designer are you? (girl)
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You are Kirby! Dude, you eat a lot. I bet you would
eat the whole world if you had the chance to,
right? WOULDNT YOU? C'MON SPIT IT OUT!
SOMETIMES I WONDER ABOUT YOU! I MEAN, YOU ARE 8
INCHES TALL AND HOW MANY POUNDS? ONLY THE
NINTENDO MAKERS KNOW! OR MAYBE NOT BECAUSE THEY
CAN'T KEEP UP WITH YOUR "STRICT
DIET!!!!" Oh, uh, sorry. *blush*

Which Super Smash Brothers Melee Character Are You?
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You are "Welcome to the Caribbean, love."
You're more than a little world-weary, but also
intelligent and you keep your head when things
get dodgy. You're everybody's favorite
drinking buddy, but your stubbornness does get
in the way sometimes.

Which one of Captain Jack Sparrow's bizarre sayings from Pirates of the Caribbean are you?
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You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never
knows what you're going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never
knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.

What kind of kiss are you?
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Feminine

What's your sexual appeal?
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Happy Birthday, Justin! =D

Reaction to haircut: every few steps, I'd run into a coworker and would hear, "Whoa, you cut off all your hair! I like it!" or "You're hair is cute/pretty/sharp." I heard it so much, I was starting to feel a little weird about it. Eh... ^_^

I had a weird dream this morning that I had locked myself in the bathroom to avoid someone, but they got in anyway... and weirdness ensued. Not naughty weirdness but awkward weirdness. I couldn't stop thinking about it for the rest of the day. Murr.

I have a lot of hours at work next week. I am sad. Money is good, but freetime is better.

Time to relax.

AGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! DAMN YOU, BRAIN! WHY MUST YOU TORMENT ME SO?

*weeps*

I got my hair cut off =D It's all Flock of Seagulls and stuff. NEW WAVE OMG.

In other news, hugs=O_O

Mewph.

For real, dawg, my hair is da weird. And I think the lady that cut it was on crank or something. I mean, what the fuck is a "flippy?" Eh, she didn't mess it up too badly. I'll just have to make sure it's parted in the right place or it looks like I have a comb over that's gone horribly wrong (it's longer on one side than the other).

I wish to god I could get it cut like I had it senior year. But no one's even come close... =(

Like you give a shit about my hair. Think about soft, warm boobies and forget your read all that. Mmm boobies. OH MY GOD! MY LESBIAN HAIRDO HAS MADE ME A LESBIAN.

currently: feeling prolific... er somethin'

*listening to October Project*

I woke up around 2pm and spent most of the day cleaning or organizing and doing laundry. Some day off, I know, but things can only sit so long before I start trying to set them on fire with my mind.

I made teriyaki beef for myself for dinner. I rarely cook real food. It's a wonder it tasted okay. Sometimes, you just have to put forth the effort to do something for yourself or someone else. Well, whatever. I'm sipping Vanilla Coke now. I usually don't drink soda, but it called to me the other day. I'm all about water. And tea, if I'm not too lazy to make it.

Despite all the cleaning, everything's still in shambles. =O It never ends.

They say that you have to replace bad habits and not try to get rid of them. Well, I'm trying. For too long, I've been living swathed in dark clouds and bad memories. Why is it that those things stay with you and good feelings are fleeting? The point is, I'm slowly unclenching my fists from the past or old ideas which are doing nothing but corrupting me now. Have to let go, sometime. A bitter heart knows nothing but bitterness and has trouble recognizing anything else.

Where you are, do you know, I think of you? Where you are, do you know, I think you do?

Still, I'm haunted in my dreams by unresolved issues. There's little I can do about that but tell myself before I sleep that everything's better the way it is. However, I don't really believe it, so I have more dreams drilling into my waking mind. I hate waking up with thoughts about things I can't change. It pulls those dark clouds ever tighter around me.

It hasn't been the greatest year for me. I half expect more shit to rain from the heavens. Anyone wanna loan me an umbrella?

HEE.

My dad said, "She looks like she's part indian." O_o I had to explain to him what a moron he was, which is always fun.