Isolation. Just leave you alone. You can be found
in a dark place, rotting in your own self pity.
After all, no one else understands, right?

How do you deal with your depression?
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HA! Me? Isolated? Never.

I went to a party. It was a bit awkward since I didn't know anyone and most of the people there were younger than me--not by much, but enough for me to shake my head at them and think, "Stupid." Anyway, it was much to write about, so I'll spare you any attempts at making it sound cool.

Romance, my dear, is a twisted bedsheet.

Saa, don't ask. My mind is not rightly set today. Sleep has driven wildly off course, and I'm having a fit of slap-happiness.

Thought logic and common sense tell me not to, I still think of someone at least once a day. But isn't that always how heartbreak is? Delusions form, and they are great. I don't mean great as better than good but fantastic and pleasing to the imagination. They're only delusions, though. They are far from real.

The temptation to crawl into bed and let my cats use me as a pillow is strong, but I have to stay awake so that I sleep before work tomorrow. It's tempting because I'd not have to think and because I need the rest.

I'll have to find something to do now... something distracting.

Your Threesome by soleta
username
age
middle name
location	Against a dark alley wall
Partner the first	Johnny Depp
Partner the second	Miranda Otto
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Anoo...

*listening to TTT soundtrack*

Oh, holy holy, I am bored. And awake. ;_;

1.) Full Name?: a tiny fox (anagrams are cool)
2.) Birthday?: 2/26/79
3.) Zodiac?: Pisces, Goat
4.) Nationality?: US American with anglo-mutt roots
5.) What time is it?: 3:17 am
6.) Whats the date? 9/10/03
------------WHO DID THESE THINGS LAST?-------
7.) Called you?: my mother
8.) Slept in your bed? my cat
9.) Saw you cry?: gah... been a long time since anyone's seen that.
10.) Made you cry?: myself
11.) Made you laugh?: really laugh...? pfft... maybe Candice.
12.) You shared a drink with?: some people from work
13.) You went to the movies with?: Toni
14.) Went to dinner with?: people from work
15.) Bought you something?: my mom
16.) Sent you an e-mail?: I'm not sure.
------------HAVE YOU EVER--------------
17.) Kissed someone?: Unfortunately
18.) Said "I love you" and meant it?: yes
19.) Gotten into a fight with your Dog/Cat etc?: Yes.
20.) Been to New York?: Nope.
21.) Been to Florida?: Yep.
22) California?: Nope.
23.) Hawaii?: Nope.
24.) Mexico?: Nope.
25.) Europe?: Yep.
26.) Canada?: Nope, but I wanna go.
27.) Danced Naked?: Not since I was a toddler.
28.) Skinny dipped?: Nope.
29.) Stalked someone?: Hehehe
30.) Snuck out?: All the time while I was in high school, though my dad didn't really care.
31.) Wished you were the opposite sex? Nope, but I've had dreams about it.
32.) Had an imaginary friend?: They're real, dammit!
----------------- MORE ------------------------
33.) What time is it now?: 3:24
34.) Black or white?: black
35.) TV or movie?: movie
36.) Cat or dog?: cat
37.) Walmart or target?: GUH
38.) Spring or Fall?: spring
39.) Sun or rain?: rain
40.) What are you gonna do after this?: try to sleep, maybe.
41.) What was the last meal you ate?: eggs, thinly-sliced roast beef w/ cheese.
42.) High school or college?: what?
43.) Are you bored?: extremely
44.) Last TV show you watched?: Dead Like Me
45.) Last movie you saw in theaters?: Pirates of the Caribbean
46.) Last noise you heard?: music
47.) Last smell you smelled?: smoke
------------ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS--------------
48.) Laughs the weirdest?: Bry--it's sorta evil
49.) Makes you laugh the most?: Bry.
50.) Who have you known the longest?: Justin H.
51.) Loudest?: Justin W.
52.) Is the quietest: Bry.
53.) Is the weirdest?: Toni--in a good way
54.) Is the funnest?: Hmm...
55.) Who is the moodiest?: Bry
56.) Biggest player?: Uh... W?
57.) Who do you usually go to about all of your problems?: Justin H.
58.) Who comes to you?: Toni
60.) Do you have a crush on someone?: Nope.
61.) Do they know?: Who's they?
62.) Do you have a bf/gf?: Nope.
------------------- EXTRAS -----------------------
63) Do you have your license?: yes
64.) What book are you reading now?: Kiss of Shadows.
65.) Nicknames : Fyx, Sammy, Hey you
66.) Hair Color: Yes, it's colored. dirty penny
67.) Height: 5'7"
68.) Pets: cats--Morg and Zillah, rats--Yuki and Lossen
69.) Siblings: Tammy and Jamie
70.) Have you ever been so drunk you didn't remember that you were drunk: How could one forget?
71.) Taken any illegal substances: yes
72.) Gone out in public in your pajamas: I don't really have pajamas, but sure!
73.) Played ding-dong-ditch? Nope
74.) Streaked?: Nope
75.) Kept a secret from everyone: Yeah. I'm really a frog. Oops. Dammit.
76.) Wanted to hook up with a friend/date them: Nope.
77) Did something illegal? Yep
78) Did you get caught?: Nope.
79.) Gotten arrested?: nope
80.) Gotten a ticket for something?: something stupid.
81.) Stalk someone?: HEY! You asked already... answer is still hehehe
82) Prank called someone: When I was little
------------------FAVORITES--------------------
83.) Shampoo: Anything that smelly good.
84.) Soap: liguid
85.) Colors: sea green, hunter green, aquamarine
86.) Day or Night: night
87.) Summer/Winter: winter
88.) Plant?: lavendar
89.) Cartoon Characters: The X-Men, Kenshin, tons of others
-------------IN THE LAST 2 WEEKS --------------
90.) Cried: I can't remember
91.) Cut your hair: nope
92.) Worn a skirt: Nope
93.) Been mean: ^_^ No
94.) Been sarcastic: Yes
95.) Talked to someone you have a crush on: No
96.) Hugged someone: Nope
97.) Fought with your parents: nope
98.) Got in an argument with your best friend: nope
99.) Laughed until you cried: Nope
100.) Played Truth or Dare: Nope
101.) Watched a sunrise/sunset : sunrise
102.) Went to the beach at night: nope
103.) Spent quality time alone: Too much
------------ RANDOM ------------
104) Are you bored: Yes, still
105.) Are you lonely: No, I've got air to keep me company
106.) Are you happy: define happy? If it's what I think it is, then no
107) Do you drink: yes
108.) Do you smoke? Yes
109.) What is your full name?: Fyxation, conjurer of doom
110.) Who named you?: Seriously? My mom
111.) When was the last time you showered?: yesterday
112.)What color pants do you have on right now? black
113.) What song are you listening to right now?: "The Leave Taking"
114.) What color is your shirt?: black omgsogothwtf
115.) What is right next to you?: CDs
116.) What is your computer desk made of? chopped liver
117.) What are the last 4 digits in your phone #: moo murr moo moo
118) Are you eating anything?: nope
119.) How's the weather right now? 62 degrees... pleasant
120.) What did you do last night? Played FF9
121.) How are you today?: could be better but not as bad as the day before
122.) What makes you sad? people
123.) What makes you happy? music, love
124.) What makes you mad? politics, loud noises
125.) What do you want to be when you grow up? I am grown up... so anything but what I am now will do.
126.) What are you doing tomorrow? sleeping in, cleaning, watching anime.
127.) My fave music: absolute fave? Good ol' rock'n'roll.
128.) Favorite Food?: cheesecake
129.) Fave girls perfume?: Couldn't care less
130:) Fave guys cologne? Dirty mountain man... I don't care, as long as it doesn't stink.
131.) Do you like the guy or the girl to make the first move? Doesn't matter
132.) Are you too shy to ask someone out? If I did such things, no.
133.) Fave clothes brand? pfft, it's all fake fur
134.) If you could change your name what would it be? Probably Fyx.
135.) Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?: No
136.) What is the stupidest thing you have ever done: Opened up to someone
137.) What will your first son's name be? THE SECOND COMING.
138.) Your daughters? Cheeky Monkey
139.) Favorite drink?: water or tea if I've got any
140.)Are you a flirt?: Yes >_<
141.) On the phone or in person? what on the phone?
142.) Lust or Love?: Lust is momentary. Love is forever

Chibi Fyx: Yello. I am not dead.
Fyx: Unfortunately. Yes, the little twit is still here.
Chibi Fyx: Your love is overwhelming.

*listening to Apop, Welcome to Earth*

I was browsing through a few old entries yesterday... and some of them were so alien to who I am now. I've lost something and gained another thing (a lot of things, actually, and none of them are wanted). But I'll prevail. I always do.

Blah... I'm on a high protein diet. Animals beware. You are my menu. I went grocery shopping, and I never realized how sickening that is. Every aisle, every bloody one, was full of crap no one should be eating. I can't talk, though. It called to me. Brocolli cheddar soup actually called to me. BACK, I SAY!!

Uh... This should be an interesting trial and error process. It's all good, as long as I have my vitamins. Without iron, I'd probably have seeped into the soil by now.

I'm boring the shit out of myself. I think I'll do laundry.

Hi ho, Shadofax, AWAY! Sorry, couldn't resist. That's what pops into my head every time I see Gandalf at the top of the hillside by Helm's Deep. =} Yeah, I watched TTT again. I had nothing better to do.

For the better part of the day, I was transferring files from my tripod pages (tripod sucks ass) to my insight webspace. >_< It was long and painful, snipping out tripod's evil java script for ads from my precious html documents. Grawl... But I suppose it was worth it. No more miserable pop ups. The link to the new site is above.

I used up over 7mb of one 10mb account. I have about 53mb left for space, though, from all my accounts combined. All is well.

In more pleasant news (although, I'm sure I'll get fuct later), I have tomorrow (uhh... today) and Monday off.

The mornings I don't have to work, I'm finding it more and more difficult to get out of bed. Sometimes, I'll just lie there, wrapped around a pillow until I absolutely have to get up. I won't even be tired anymore.

And now, the Animal Crossing plushy is staring at me. O_O

currently: what the fuck are you staring at?

*listening to mp3s on shuffle*

I'll never understand the bar mentality. I mean, I get it for other people. It must be fun to get overly smashed and hit on random flesh in the near vicinity... otherwise, bars would not exist. Feh. I suppose my frowning on general stupidity is shining through.

The bar I went to tonight was not so much a bar as sports bar--which is completely different. I know, the vision of me in a sports bar is nigh brainwaxing (I just made that up, because I couldn't think of a suitable adjective), but bear with me. There were over twenty TV's, all of which tuned into American football, and 12 of those TV's were big screens. Right, so, they had the money for the TV's but obviously not the service. I was there to see a friend off, as today was his last day working with me.

I had one drink. I nearly never have more when I try to do this socializing thing.

(here's an interesting side note: when I was leaving the house, I had to move my father's car before I could get my own out of the driveway. Sliding into his car seat, a piece of metal snags my ass and rips my jeans and pyannies right through. I immediately jumped out of his car, slammed the door, went inside the house, slammed that door, went into his room, cussed him out, slammed his door, then changed jeans. What kind of mother fucker has a piece of metal sticking out of his car seat and fails to tell someone about it right after they say, "I'm moving your car?" Oh, my mother fucker... GRAWL. ASS.)

Anyway, the rest of the night was pretty bland--except for the part when I nearly shit my pants when my friend turned to me with his ring in hand. The people at my table had been talking about engagements and getting married, and when he turned to me with the ring... well, let's just say Fyx pulled her awkward look away-change subject combo. He was joking, of course, but this guy's always flirted with me a bit much. Murr. RUN AWAY.

That is all.

Once again, I have bombarded the diary with uber-depressing BS... so, I bring you *drumroll, please* TEH HAPPEH BLOG OF SUNSHINE!!exclamation point

I love bunnies! They are so cute and fluffy. Today, I went to the park and saw wild rabbits frolicking about. HEHE! And then, I picnicked with one of them. He tried to offer me tea, but sugar makes me hyper.

I am so happy! I can't stop smiling. I like riding on the swings at the park. Parks are fun. Okay, that was disgusting. I can't even write happy shit. I didn't go to the park. It's been raining for days. I like rain. I do not like wet car seats. Mmm pretzels.

Um, I've got nothing to write.

Your Life: The Movie by mintyduck
Who will play you:	Will Smith
Who will play your love interest:	Kevin Smith
Weeks you will stay in the box office:	6
Song that will play during your love scene:	Cutting Crew - I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight
Song that will play during your death:	Black Box Recorder - Seasons in the Sun
Your name:
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

YOU ARE ROSEMARY

What herb are you?
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;_; so true

Hotlips Houlihan

What classic sitcom character are you?
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The Happy Phantom has no right to bitch

Sometimes I wanna plant my feet in the ground just to have a little support in life. Meanwhile, my head's in the clouds, but the stars are still out of reach.

I don't have anything to hold onto just yet, but I'm sick of lying around all day. I'm sick of myself. Always been a weak brat when it comes to emotional well-being. Everything I do has to have some reward. The only thing I give freely is common courtesy, and that's shearly out of habit.

I'm caught feeling pointlessness over all things. Waking up is pointless. Talking to people is pointless. Grooming is pointless. Working my ass off is pointless. Living's pointless. Give me something worth living for and make it reasonable, something I can attain. Tell me lies just to evoke a fake smile from my lips.

Maybe life's just lost its sparkle because I've let it collect dust. Or maybe my brain's not producing the happy chemicals as it should. Well, I have a lot of time on my hands to remedy the situation. Trouble is... I don't know how to start.

All the world just stops now

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*burrrp*

Windows XP is so weird O_O

I have my old hard drive hooked in right now and am transferring shit. Yay for being a geek.

Now I'm going to see what kinda graphics I got compared to the card I bought uh... last year? I may not bother installing it, who knows? Hmm.... I finally have enough USB ports, so that's happy. Goddamn, this thing's fast. Wiggy wiggle of joy!

In other news, a wave of numbness is spreading in me again. It's similar to what I went through a few years ago, which sucked huge elephant balls. Think depression and take a step down. Hi! Life? Ah, fuck it.

I'm gonna burn this whole world down

Oh, well, it comes and goes.