If anyone cares, I score 113.5%

That is sad.

And in other news... fuck my job. Yes, yes! It's that time of the year again. The time when I want to kick my coworkers in the teef. And the customers. And pretty much everyone else.

I got out of work at 2am. T_T I was and still am a grouchy bitch due to that. GRAWL.

PS. Happy We're-taking-your-land-now-give-us-corn Day.

So, I guess it's officially the holiday season. The season of dead things.

I can't be arsed to do anything. I'm not in the mood for anything. Actually, I don't even feel like trying to write about it.

I'll go take a nap or play games or something. Repression is good!

*listening to Frank Sinatra, "It Had to Be You"*

This song breaks my heart.

Is the best medicine sometimes the worst tasting? If so, can I just skip the medicine and go right to the hospital bed?

I do not like being a piece of meat for people to nibble on whenever hunger strikes them.

Of course, hunger strikes me, too. And, anymore, I feel guilty for inviting others in on it... feasting upon them but not being able to devour them. Licking salt from my teeth but not being able to enjoy it because it is their taste....

What the hell am I on?

This metaphor is big and ugly. I'll shutup now.

Final Fantasy X-2 is in my grubby little paws :3

I think I'll go play it for a few hours. I picked the strategy guide up for it two days ago and got the game today. You know how I am, though; I won't look at the guide until I play the game a second time.

Also, I picked up the strat guide for FFXI, which I will use because I have no friggin' idea how to craft anything yet, really.

Mrrrarrr... so, now I am torn between two games. O_O

And I still haven't completed the challenge modes on PSO. I haven't played it in a couple weeks since my friends aren't on. I will cancel my HL soon if nothing happens. I can't spread myself too thin among so many games.

And this year, I have made a X-mas list. I haven't made one in years. But I do this because I don't want fucking gift cards again. And I don't want to give any gift cards. No, I will buy people actual gifts, and they will enjoy them. I hate gift cards. The only reason I got them before was because I was lazy. So, my family must be lazy, too, because that's all I got last year and the year before. >_< Well, NO MORE! I will get creative and have to actually think of fitting gifts for people *gasp*

I'm gonna go squee over my new game now.

I bought one of my nieces a black Barbie Doll. I came very close to buying her an African Queen doll (They had a beautiful Irish Princess doll with long red hair... if I collected dolls, I would have gotten it) My mom's immediate response, "Now she'll have to get a black Ken."

And I thought... Heaven forbid the black Barbie doll date a white Ken! Think of the scandal! Why, what would Midge and Kelly think?! *gasp*

...

My parents are retarded. Well, at least they're not tattooed KKK members or anything... but they're still pretty closed-minded due to how they were brought up. They can't even comprehend that all humans are the same race.

And one might wonder, how come I'm not like them? I guess it's just the times and my education. I feel cheated for not having multicolored Barbie dolls. :(

Butting in on Kuroiko and Darkcaesar, I've had my own thoughts on homosexuality and debates with sociologists about the subject. My opinion is that only reason the USA's sociological environment is still negative toward homosexuality stems from its puritanical foundation. It has remained in our culture over the generations because some families nurture fear of the taboo more than others.

In the physical aspect, it is only natural that a certain ratio of the sexes are born homosexual. I'm not writing that this is what makes all homosexuals, but a certain number of them simply are because they came out that way. If you want to believe that gay men weren't exposed to enough male hormones in the womb, you're more than welcome.

The psychological development of children and adolescents plays an important role in sexual preference. Sometimes, it just happens there, too. And since things just happen, who are we to question it?

Of course, that also leaves the people who choose to be gay. But again, who are we to question it?

I firmly believe in the Kinsey Scale, where 1 is completely straight and 6 is without a doubt gay. It's like the old pendulum metaphor. How far does your pendulum swing?

Psychologically and sociologically, the general population of the US still associates homosexuality with evil and therefore is wrong. In fact, I bet any country that started out on ideals (such as Puritans had) which view homosexuality as evil still view it in that light today. And since the population of the US is predominantly Christian, it's no wonder homosexuality is frowned upon.

In other cultures across the globe, homosexuality is accepted or ignored because it is not worthy of attention. (I just tried to do a decent google search to refer you to on this subject, but I came up with a bunch of Christian crap--I wonder why? I did, however, find this interesting link. It discusses how the Bible is not dead set against homosexuality. Then again, the thing's been re-written so many times, how are we to know?)

Anyway, I'm sure most of us have heard of the Native American tribes in which both men and women are allowed to choose their gender rather than be assigned one. However, the gender chosen did not dictate who they were allowed to sleep with.

Moreover, some cultures in Africa and Asia have marriages in which one man is bound to both a woman and another man (the husband has a wife and a male lover). It's not uncommon to see them holding hands in the street, even if they do not have a sexual relationship.

This is really beginning to piss me off! I can't find a single decent link that doesn't have some holier than thou bullshit attached to it or gay pride banner plastered on it. I guess no one out there in the middle with half a brain cares?

Bleh. I suppose homophobia, like ethnic discrimination or gender bias, will never die because we're too stupid to advance quickly.

The US is still a very young country and, despite all our "leaps and bounds in freedom," we're not that different from how we started. True, we don't hang people anymore, but there are people out there who still would if there weren't laws against it.

If countries were like trees, the US would be a little sapling. Still low to the ground and very close to its roots.

We've not evolved as much as we'd like to think.

I'm going to go hack up a lung now.

*listening to Queen's Greatest Hits and Classics*

I just got done watching the first DVD of TTT the extended edition. :D It is too friggin' cool!

But I needed a break, so I came back here. If I lie down too long, my lungs get all "fuck you, I'm not working."

I managed to trade shifts this morning and come home early. Thank the gods of getting away from work and being a lazy butt.

I can hardly hear. Sounds like someone stuck a bucket on my head. *insert Bohemian Rhapsody moment* I sing a lot. Not in front of people... because, well, why would I want to do that? But I do sing a lot. My brain is a song vault. When I sing, I can better connect with the thoughts being expressed in the lyrics. And those words coincide with what I feel at times.

Babble babble.

Anyway, when I quote lyrics... it's like re-issuing the emotions I have while singing them.

I could never read music. Have I gone over this before? I think I have, but I don't remember. Looking at sheet music, I can't associate a note with a sound. When I was in chorus long ago, I would memorize the sounds by ear, because the notes on paper meant nothing to me. I once knew a guy that played piano by ear--couldn't read music at all.

I can't really sing right now. I try, since it's a great catharsis... but it sounds (at least to my head in a bucket) like wind whipping through natural bridges. Dry.

EEE Smeagol is so creepy cute. I dunno where to put him.

One sentimental moment in your arms....

This morning, I woke up to Outkast's "Hey Ya." That will really fuck you up. I should switch my clock radio to easy listening or something. Still, the worst wake up song I've experienced was Marilyn Manson's "Tournequet." I think I cried out and clawed my way to the radio to make it stop. The song's fine any other time of day.

I'm going to shutup now. ^___^

You are Bettie Page. You go for the very exotic
girl-next-door look. *sexy*

Which vintage pin-up girl are you? (Results contain pictures)
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You should be dating a Scorpio. 23 October - 21 November Your mate is passionately caring, dynamic and
sensual. Though he or she can be
self-destructive, ruthless or overbearing, the
scorpion's sex life involves releasing his/her
most pent-up passions.

What Zodiac Sign Are You Attracted To?
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Well, that is the Pisces perfect match. Never met a good scorpio, though. Living one, anyway.

currently: zeeee

Huzzah... hurray for lung goo.

Not getting enough sleep lately, and it's my own fault. Instead of going to bed at a decent time, I start doing something. >_< I'm working a crapload (and that's a lot) of 5am shifts, and I'm utterly drained by the time they're over. Should get my ass in gear and get on a schedule. Also, I need to re-apply for school if it's not too late--which it probably is. I honestly keep forgetting.

And get this, kids! I have to work 8pm to 3am the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and 5am to 1:30pm the Friday after. Someone up there hates me. Work's such hell this time of year, and I've dealt with it four times before. However, throwing illness into the mix makes things twice as fun! I was drag-assing this morning. Tomorrow's going to be even worse. Hopefully, I can whine my way into going home earlier than I'm scheduled. WHINE, BITCH, WHINE. Really, though, I can't breathe. It's fucking me up. My muscles hurt and I can't get enough oxygen. I think I've described it before as having a constant asthma attack. I took some of the decongestants I was prescribed the first time I had bronchitis this year. Ugh.

Why am I prone to this crap? I know smoking doesn't help but even before I smoked, I'd get bronchitis at least twice a year. Maybe it's hereditary? Weak lung disposition, I mean. My mom has chronic bronchitis.

Did I just Uh... Oh YEAH! This is why I was really posting:

Fyx in her pantsu.

Shameful

Rainbow

Shiva is so fucking cool...

I've been getting the most retarded references from search engines, lately.

Some fine fellow was searching for "older slut." Another continues in vain to look for "romantic spanking stories." At least once a week, I get someone looking for the Gessekai mp3. Lately, people have been searching for "fyxation try," whatever the hell that means.

They get weirder and weirder, I tell you.

In other news, the cold has turned into bronchitis. It's not as terrible as the last two times, though. It's only slightly annoying being woken up by your own wheezing. >_<

I am Dr. Herbert West, from "Reanimator."
I'm right. You're wrong.

Which Random Cult Movie Character are you?
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hahahahaha... ahem... *sigh*

EVIL GERMS OF SPITE!!! BACK!! GET THEE BEHIND ME!

*sob* I am coming down with something. It's starting pretty much the same way my bouts of bronchitis always start. I CRY! If I get bronchitis, it'll be the third time this year. T_T

I bought an old TV off my mom. I'm not sure what I'll do with it...

I think I'll sit here and bathe in the warmth of my space heater while drinking orange juice and playing FFXI. Mmmyep. Pulpy orange juice.

I dreamed that I was in a large condo down south. I think it was across the Mississippi River because I remember going over it. The dream had a very The Ring feeling going on, and something else. If you broke a window or something, the condo would fix itself. I recall some faces in the dream. I know that this random guy from Doodledraw was there, I think Justin W. was there, I'm pretty sure Toni and Bry were there, and my dad was in there somewhere. We were singing lines from whatever popped in our heads as some sort of game. My dad was not there for that part. I sang some old song (which I can only remmeber Sinatra singing) "L is for the way you look at me, etc." There was a pool next to the condominium that was just icky. Looked like it hadn't been cleaned in a while. Something happened in the dream, and I'm not even sure if it was a separate dream, but I saw a woman hanging from beams in a stairwell. @_@

It's raining again. This has been a rainy year. Come winter, I suspect we'll be greeted with more ice storms.

Flannery O'Connor wrote your book. Not much escapes
your notice.

Which Author's Fiction are You?
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I'll take your word for it.

In other news, I'm going to the back yard to eat worms.

^_^

Vets Day. Wootihoo. One miserable work day down, 3 to go.

Hmm. Give me a minute to think of something stimulating to write about.

...

...

I don't like the Rolling Stones.

No... wait, that's not stimulating.

Honestly, I'm just bored and trying to amuse myself. Nothing's really appealing to me lately aside from FFXI. I didn't even buy any anime today, since I have a stack waiting to be watched that I haven't touched in weeks.

I'm at a point in my life where I want to brush bad memories under the proverbial rug of my mind. Just when I think I've shaved off every bad emotion or lingering feeling, some stupid sensation from the past is sparked. Because there's no other way to put it, I'll just write that it's fucking annoying. I can't open up to anyone. I've had several opportunities, but I can practically feel my brain holding itself shut for dear life.

I used to be the watcher, the spectator. Now I feel like an invader, an alien, in a strange world. I don't know what the people are around me, but they sure as hell aren't human.

It doesn't feel like that all the time. Moments happen in which I almost see something genuine in a person's actions. Mere moments.

I'm not paranoid. Heh, okay, just a little. But distrust is the real enemy.

Who are you, and what do you want?

My thoughts on the Matrix part III: bluh. Hey, that's pretty... but still, bluh. Generally, I reserve my opinions about things until they've been out for a while, but I felt like bluh needed to be said. I don't do spoilers, so don't worry.

There was far too much story in the Matrix to pack it all into one movie. So, they didn't. You know how sometimes you'll walk out of a movie, scratching your head and going, "Huh?" Most of the time, I enjoy that. It lets your imagination run wild and curiousity springs anew. I walked out of this movie going, "And?"

Too many characters, weak dialogue, and no closure on several points left me pretty disappointed. Ah, well, it's only a movie. Did I mention predictable?

I woke up not too long ago freezing my ass off. I opened my eyes, and it was light in my room. LIGHT? FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK. I looked over at my alarm clock, and it's not on. I picked up my cordless phone, and it beeped at me to tell me it had no charge. I realized then that the space heater was also off, which explains why I was freezing my ass off. So, I darted to the kitchen to call work because there had been a meeting I was supposed to go to at 7am.

Who wants to place bets that I'll be written up even though I have a perfectly legit excuse? Turns out, the circuit breaker to my room decided to die sometime in the middle of the night. Flipped it. Hurray for heat. Did I mention the furnace repairman still hasn't come?

What a grand way to start a day.

Now, I'm completely awake, so there's no chance of going back to bed. I have to work tonight, too.

Murbella and me. Yes, we're wearing the same leather armor. But I am five billion feet tall. XD

Yes, I tested out my Light Axe on an innocent little rabbit.

Woo. I splurged and bought at better harnass. Now my armor is all mis-matched. o.o The leather armor was more concealing up top but revealing below. The new Brass harnass looks like something Xena would wear. bwahahaha... ahem.

OOoookay then....

So, I'm walking up to the front doors of my workplace, and I walk past some guy. He's looking at me, so I kinda half turn toward him because he looked like he was about to speak. And he did. And I shouldn't have made eye contact. He says, "What's your name? Are you married?"
"Uh. No."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"Uhh...."
"Somethingsomesuchnonsense."
"I have to go to work now" *points nervously*
"Can I call you some time? Wanna hang out sometime?"
"Uhh..."

And then I ran away, utterly creeped out. Ugh...

Work was alright.

Just a few minutes ago, as I was coming in and stripping off my uniform, I sat down in front of the computer and dismissed my Screensaver. Four lovely porn pop-up ads were blinking happily on the screen.
Oh, Gods NO, I thought.
And then I checked my history folder, and--sure enough--several sex sites had been visited. Sex.com, in fact. How original. Also in the folder, Scifi.com and star trek related sites. Great... my dad was using my computer to look at porn. That's just wrong. I'm going to have to password the damn thing or turn on parental control. Parental Control preventing the parent from looking at porn. That's not right ._.

I feel really really dirty today.

currently: Dowha?

*listening to Hybrid, "Finished Symphony"*

I spent the entire day playing FFXI and I have the sore back to prove it! Ow... being a nerd is painful.

And now for a geeky dive into geekdom:

There's so much to do in that game and I've barely scratched the surface. All these crafts to learn and such... missions and quests to go on. Not to mention the actual storyline of the game. More and more cutscenes as I unfold the story. The two princes of my kingdom seem to be squabling over something. DRAMA!

I've been selling materials which I can't use yet at the Auction House. Quick way to make money and buy things I can actually use. Most of the materials I find are for smithing. I'll bother with the craft skills when I can afford it.

Finished three actual missions so far. You get rank points for that. You also get rank points for donating crystals. So, I go out and get tons of those, donate half, and sell the rest.

I've done a ton of quests for NPC's, too. Easy cash/items and story development.

On PSO, I need to finish the friggin' challenge mode. GRRR.

Now, I've gotta get ready for work.

I can't get 100,000 Fireflies out of my head. T_T