Wow, my severely damaged internal clock has woken me up before the ass crack of dawn, and I don't even work at 4 today. :(

I hate this. I fell asleep around 7pm last night and the night before.

Anymore, my back hurts if I sleep too long. This really sucks, for sleep is my favorite thing to do. And how the hell am I going to function at work tonight once sleepy time rolls around?

IIIIEEEeeeeee... I need something.

Fuck you. :D

I've been looking forward to the week ending. Some retarded optimistic spark in me hopes that it will bring a close to the craptastic things and thoughts that seem to abound at present.

Day off on Sunday. Day off on Sunday. Day off on Sunday. Just keep saying it like a mantra, and maybe everything will settle down.

So, my brother was home (at my mom's) for a total of ten days before she put him back in a hospital. He tried to punch her or something. And he was breaking things. Hurray!

I haven't seen him in a year and a half. Sadly, I don't really care.

My mom owes me a hundred bucks, and it doesn't look like I'll be seeing that any time soon.

I'm still sore. And I'm a grouchy bitch because these 4am shifts are getting the best of me. Not that I'm not a grouchy bitch all the time, anyway.... They're just intensifying my bitchiness.

And I'm really pissed off at myself for missing the application deadline for classes. ._. My life is going nowhere fast.

Excuse the fuck out of me if I have very short days because I have to go to bed early, wake up early, and be alive and awake when no one's around. I can't stand it when people take that shit personally.

I hate this season.

A few hours ago, two missionaries came to my door, and I damn near told them to go fuck themselves. They had to be Morons. I mean Mormons. Same thing.

Anyway, I played FFXI a bit this morning. I'm in no hurry to level because once I reach 30 with my main job, I'll have to do a quest to get an advanced job then start all over from 1. Hurray for that. And I wanted to play with Rurisho, but it looks like he might go play on another server... Even though I spent a thousand gil getting him on my server. Well, fuck me in the ear. Gah! I'd hoped that I would play with at least one person I know, but it's seems as though that won't happen.

._.

Myar... I am awake. And I don't even work today. O_O The horror. Mornings are so dark and dull and dreary. No one should be awake for them.

I'm in the middle of reading a letter from Rurisho. Yay! Yes yes, adoring fan mail from Jolly Old England. Umm... cookie?

Ah, thinking of cookie... I wonder how that girl of the same name is. You see, I knew a girl named Cookie in high school. She had a generally hard lot in life, whether she chose some of it or it was forced on her. Mostly, it was forced. Her mother was a complete control freak. Well, until Cookie one day snapped and punched her mother square in the face. Her mom stopped controlling her after that, I think.

I wonder how Cookie's doing. Every now and then, I hear whispers of where she's working or some such. I miss my Cookie. She was an odd duck.

I just took a hot bath, so I'm all soft in mind and body. Forgive the rambling. My left arm is so sore from yesterday's event that I woke up feeling much like a week old corpse. The bath helped a little.

Hmm... maybe I'll see about getting my car's exhaust fixed today. If I can be arsed. Or I could get some shopping done while annoying passers-by with the rumbling of my muffler. Decisions, decisions.

Think I'll play some FFXI now. Work on my white maging.

Wanna read about my fantabulous morning? No...? What the fuck are you doing here, anyway? No, I don't have any mithra porn. Piss off.

Had to be at work at 4 this morning, like I probably wrote before. Was running a little late, so I figured I could get gas on my way home from work rather than to work. Besides, I thought, the light hasn't even come on yet, so I'm good.

I made it about halfway, when my car sputtered and abruptly died. No gas, mommy. So, I coast as far as I can.... then have to push my car about a quarter of a mile on New Circle and off the ramp to Tates Creek Rd. I pushed and steered it onto Malibu Dr., when two guys come trotting over and help me push it up a hill and into a gas station.

I was only ten minutes late to work, surprisingly. What pisses me off is that the gas light never went off. I guess it's burned out. I'll be more careful in the future.

After about an hour or so at work, my adrenalin boost wears off and I'm hurting like all hell. I just got home a little while ago. My shoulders and forearms are sore. ;_; I'm not used to pushing a couple tons of steel in the morning, what can I say? If I weren't built like a brick shit-house, I'd have been screwed for sure. It was the one time in my life that a mobile phone would have been useful. I mean, I have AAA, but what good does it do me when I'm nowhere near a phone?

Gawd, that sucked.

At least my manager let me leave an hour early.

Oh, and remember that newbie coworker I was talking about back in November that hit on me and was fired shortly after? Another coworker of mine's friend is a mutual friend of ex-newbie's girlfriend. Girlfriend? Wait, this kid kept going on and on to me about how he didn't have a girlfriend and this was to explain his "flirtations." Apparently, they've been together for several months. What a cock. The coworker who told me all this eagerly told his friend so that she might tell the girlfriend. ^_^

I hate my species.

Well, shit. The deadline to apply for spring classes was December 1st. FUCK!!! Wahhhh. I really am going to be in school 'til I'm thirty at this rate.

On the plus side (there's a plus side?), I can have complete availability when applying for a job somewhere else.

Crud... my cable company is going to audit me and find out I'm not a student anymore. :( There goes my discount for internet.

I've been sleeping really bizarre hours the last few days. But then, anyone working from 4am to 12 or later would be. Today, I zonked out... hell, I can't remember when, but I woke up about 45 minutes ago. The sad thing is, I didn't want to get up. I really didn't. I wanted to just lie there and go back to sleep. But my back was hurting, and I should try to be up a little more so I can sleep a bit before work. 4am to 1:45pm. Eww. What a nasty shift. Hopefully, I can cut at least an hour off of it. Besides, I don't get paid enough to work shifts longer than eight hours. :p

Aha... another work week passes, and I am left with my skimpy evening and day of freedom once more! Hurrah! And so, I actually have time to write something. Not that I have anything noteworthy... In fact, the week has been pretty dull aside from the AIM visitation from one distant fox. I'll not go into that.

Observation number one: a few times in the recent weeks, a relatively new hire at work has stated, "I'm going to marry you one day," to which I smirk and go on about my business. I'm not sure why he says it nor do I care that much.

Observation number two: I went to my nieces' birthday party (one's birthday was two weeks ago and the other's was today, so the party was sorta combined) and it was at the rollerdome that their mother and I used to go to when we were little. In fact, my sister had a couple birthday parties there, too, if memory serves. It'd been over ten years since I'd put on rollerskates, and I knew damn well that my feet wouldn't remember how to skate. But I thought, what the hell, and put some on. I then skated a few yards and promptly decided it was a bad idea. Luckily, I didn't fall on my ass. I did, however, sit on my ass as all the li'l ones skated by. Suddenly, I felt very old.

Observation number three: the older niece is either going to be a bitch when she gets older or a snob or maybe both. The girl's got attitude. Granted, she's five, but her manner is less than jovial. If she's not careful, she's out of the will. (I don't have a will, but I should. We all should.)

I, Fyx, being of not-so sound mind and body do hereby leave all my pocket lint to Rurisho. May it serve you well when you have no pocket lint of your own.

What? I've been up since 3 fucking 30. Cut me some slack.

Observation number four: once the holiday season passes, I'm going to look into finding a job elsewhere. My current bosses can go fuck themselves with jackhammers. I do not like how they are treating my fellow employees and myself. We are not slave labor.

Observation number five: I have not had an allergic reaction in about a week. This is good. It still leaves the mystery as to what was causing it before... but I don't really care as long as it has stopped.

Observation number six: when I'm PMSing, everyone around me is under heavy scrutiny. I've noticed that the thing that irritates me the most is pretentiousness. I like it when people are real, and it seems like most people are too busy fronting some bullshit to even remember whom they really are.

Observation number seven: I need to shut up.

Cancelled my PSO hunter license, finally. I haven't played in a longgg time, so it was just sucking money from my account. Which reminds me... Candiceeeeeeeee!!! When are you coming back? T_T

I cannot wait until the dreadful holiday consumer season is over. These 4am shifts are wearing me out.

Fuck. I forgot to pick up an application for school again. >_<

I'm going to go sleep for a bit (probably five hours+). I sleep at odd times partly from exhaustion and partly for escapism. Hard to think about bad things when you're sleeping unless your subconscious likes to irritate you with bad dreams. Yes. Sleep is good.

Zzzz

I think these last few days have been on massive hallucination. I'm going to go crawl into the bathtub now, and sit there until my skin melts off. :D

If you would like to reach me, well.... try and try again.

[pick an artist and answer the questions using only that artist's song titles]

I'm listening to October Project

1. are you male or female? Adam and Eve
2. describe yourself: Falling Further In
3. how do some people feel about you? Deep As You Go
4. how do you feel about yourself? Take Me As I Am
5. describe an old girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: One Dream
6. describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: Return To Me
7. where are you? Dark Time
8. where would you rather be? Where You Are
9. describe what you want to be: Something More Than This
10. describe how you live: A Lonely Voice
11. describe how you love: Paths of Desire
12. share a few words of wisdom: If I Could

Damn, October Project works pretty fucking well for that.

Somebody shave my legs. I don't feel like doing it. No, fuck it. I'll wear pants all winter.

Gawwwwd. My right arm from the elbow down feels like it's trying to split apart. Last week it was my shoulder. I just can't fucking win, can I?

I'm waiting for the painkiller I took to kick in. Meahwhile, I think I'll make a screwdriver. NOOOOOOOOOo there's no orange juice. T_T

Ooh the hurty. The owwie. I even took a folicle melting shower, and it still persists.

Annoying pain. SHOO! Be gone!

Hmm. Rurisho got online with FFXI today. Hurray! I temporarily switched my job to thief to mess around.

Like you care.

I need to buy a phone card. I think all of mine have expired.

Oof. *chews off her arm and spits it out* There... that's better.

I know it reads pretty stupidly, but I could really go for getting drunk or high or both right now.

In other words, I woke up.

I actually haven't gotten drunk since I was in Coacoa, but that was only mildy drunk at best.

And as for high, it's been a couple years, I think.

Maybe I should sit in the shower until I'm all pruney. Or go on a killing spree.

._.

I worked 4am to 8am this morning. Dunno what the fuck I'm going to do with the rest of the day, but I predict that sleep will be in there somewhere.

So, you want me to be angry. I wish it were that simple. Not a day goes by that I don't wonder about you and the paths you took. And I tell myself, I'm better off alone. Companionship in others seems pale, so I don't seek it often. I can't even look people in the eyes for fear they'll see something horrible lurking inside me. Maybe you knew it was there. Maybe not. I abhor silence. I fill it with music to escape it. I submerge my brain in books and games and DVD's to get away from it.

Still, I think of you. I wonder all the impossible things to know. The whys and what fors. Time hasn't changed anything. I haven't gotten better or worse. And those fucks of the ages say that time heals all wounds. What the fuck do they know?

I should sleep all day.

You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.

What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla

*belch*

Right... as intelligent as a fire hydrant.

How long can I hide before I'm found out? Oh neverfuckingmind. No one's looking, anyway.

This allergic reaction I'm having every night is beginning to irritate me. It's similar to what I had as child (I'd swell up like the Stay-Puff Marshmellow Man. I went to the ER once because it was so bad that my dad thought I was going to suffocate. Later on, I had allergy tests like a mofo... and they never figured out what I was allergic to).

Anyway, I haven't I thought I outgrew the allergy, whatever it was. I haven't had any symptoms in over ten years, but the last several nights I have. And it only happens at night, which leads me to believe it's something in my room. Unless it's psychosomatic. I've been getting hives on my forearms, waist, and calves. Sometimes my hands swell up and itch like crazy. Right now, though, the only thing swollen is my upper lip.

I don't know what the fuck is going on, I don't have the money to find out, and I really don't care that much if it gets worse and does end up suffocating me. To hell with this defective body. ^_^

ROCKIN'.

While playing FFXI, I asked a level 64 Warrior/White mage to help me find one of the items need for the sub. job quest. He was Japanese, of course, but I was able to garble out some request for help. I got the "magicked skull" in twenty minutes flat. That guy rocked.

So... I ran to my home (because I just couldn't wait 'til tomorrow) and I am now boosting up my sub job, which is monk. Ohh yeah, level 6 monk/3 warrior striking fear into the hearts of forest hares everywhere. Once I get monk up to 9, I'll switch back to warrior as main job then be 18 war/9 monk.

SQUEEEEE FOR DORKDOM!

And now... sleep. I work in... seven hours.

currently: MOTHER OF FUCK OW OW

GAHHHH... Usually, the day after Thanksgiving is kinda fun when you work in retail. You get to deal with angry, annoying, smelly customers and watch as they tear apart your place of work. I actually don't mind that. This year... it was the management that really made me want to whip climb on top of some huge display and do an elbow-drop on the main manager's shiny, Gollum-esque head. Seriously, he looks like Gollum. But that's not the point. The point is, and I do have one, that these fucking idiots couldn't agree on what the staff of my department should be doing. And the decisions they did make were utterly wrong. It put me in raging-bitch mode. ^_^

I'd like to think, "Ah, I'm home now, so it doesn't matter... weee," but I have to work tomorrow, so I get to look forward to another 8 hour clusterfuck.

I'm going to go kill orcs now... and picture them with the faces of my bosses.

currently: Shoot that icicle through my hea~~rt

*listening to Fischerspooner, "Emerge" (Adult Mix)*

Blurf. I am stuffed. Oooh wait... America's "The Last Unicorn" just came on. *zones out*

I had Thanksgiving at Toni's house again. MMm grub. Lots and lots of good grub. I am full.

I really have nothing to write about... Bleh. I wanna play FFXI. I need one more item to get a sub job, which I think will be monk until I reach level 30. Then, I'll do the Paladin Quest and that will be my main job with warrior as sub. Wow, I am a dork.

Hmm. Oh, well, too late to change that.