*listening to random Tool noise*

My rats are quickly approaching the extent of their mortality. Losse has become a frail thing, so weak she can barely lift her own weight--which isn't much. Each day, I pick her up and hold her and feel the warmth leaving her delicate and dainty, pink hands and feet. I keep expecting to look down in the shavings and see her lying still. It's disheartening to watch the life of a pet wither slowly like this.

Yuki's not much better off. She's not skin and bone like her sister, (in fact, she's quite healthy from eating more than her share of food) but she has a cyst on her lower belly. Cysts are so common in rats... The last pair I had both had cysts. Ichabod had none that I recall. :/ At any rate, I suspect Yuki's health will decline quite rapidly after her sister dies. Loneliness will be the death of her. Juju and 'Quebah had that same sort of relationship. One died... and the other soon after.

Bah, it's depressing.

I had gotten these rats after Travis disappeared from my life (the first time -.-), and they've been a constant, idle company (nevermind the ever present cats). I wonder if I will surround myself with more creatures as the time passes.

RIP, my rats
Nicademis
Juju & 'Quebah
Ichabod

I don't know why I've always preferred rats over other rodents. Hamsters always seemed rather... stupid and personality-less. Mice are smarter, but again, have no personality. Rats have attitude and intelligence and presense. Meh... I am raving.

Your Brain Usage Profile:

Auditory : 47%
Visual : 52%
Left : 66%
Right : 33%

samantha, you are somewhat left-hemisphere dominant with a balanced preference for auditory and visual inputs. Because of your "centrist" tendencies, the distinctions between various types of brain usage are somewhat blurred.

Your tendency to be organized and logical and attend to details is reasonably well-established which should afford you success regardless of your chosen field of endeavor, unless it requires total spontaneity and ability to improvise, your weaker traits. However, you are far from rigid or overcontrolled. You possess a degree of individuality, perceptiveness, and trust in your intuition to function at much more sophisticated levels than most.

Having given sufficient attention to detail, you can readily perceive the larger aspects and implications of a situation or of learning. You are functional and practical, but can blend abstraction and theory into your framework readily.

The equivalence of your auditory and visual learning orientation gives you two equally effective sensory input systems, each with distinctive features. You can process both unidimensionally and multidimen- sionally with equal facility. When needed, you sequence material while at other times you "intake it all" and store it for processing later.

Your natural ability to use your senses is also synthesized in your way of learning. You can be reflective in your approach, absorbing material in a non-aggressive manner, and at other times voracious in seeking out stimulation and experience.

Overall you tend to be somewhat more critical of yourself than is necessary and avoid enjoying life too much because of a sense of duty. You feel somewhat constrained and tend to sometimes restrict your expressiveness. In any given situation, you will opt for the rational, and learning of almost any type should be easy for you. You might need certain ideas explained to you in order to fit them into your scheme of things, but you're at least open to that!

Take this test

I can't sleep. Been staying up late for no reason whatsoever, and now I'm not one bit tired.

Been a bit flustered the last couple days... like a fire's been lit.... Pah.

Had a strange dream about pierced parts. Luckily, the details are blurry. For some reason, I'm really missing someone I shouldn't be. More hormone voodoo at work, I s'pose.

Back to tossing and turning in a bit.

And how are things with you?

Hahaha... My mom randomly mentioned that I should go to the hoochacha doctor and get a papsmear and all that groovy shit. My response: *shudder* "You know I can't stand doctors, I don't want them touching me, let alone looking into my netherregions. Just let me die of ovarian cancer in peace!" She didn't seem too thrilled about that.

I'll be 26 next month. On the 26th, no less. I do not go to doctors. I have a phobia about them. I know it's stupid, and I wish I could erase it from my head. The only time I will visit a hospital is when someone has a baby, someone else has an emergency, or my own pain overrides fear. I've never had blood drawn from the arm. A doctor hasn't seen me naked since I was probably 6.

Even if I had health insurance, you couldn't drag me in for a physical.

What's funny about it all... I don't mind dying from natural causes. Bring on the heart attacks, strokes, seizures, fatal illnesses. I'm not desperately clinging to my time on earth.

Now that that's written: my ankle's still healing, and I hope it's not healing improperly. I'm still getting this shooting pain down my middle toe from angling my ankle a certain way. My ballerina days are over! Eheh...

Well, I tried... but I couldn't get into another art class that would fit with the other classes I'd already registered for. And the override never went through for the art class I thought I had gotten. So, I dropped everything. I guess I'll get a job soon and try to figure out what to do. Although, that's been my problem all along: I don't know what to do.

I'm glad I have parents. I'm glad they are there. It would be nice if they were emotionally present. My dad and I never talk about the future or what he would like to see from me. My mother's only concerned with what benefits her most. I know that my mother was never mom material. And my dad, while being the only authority figure in my life, is more like a friend than a dad. If I show my mother any sort of emotion, she turns it around on herself and thinks I'm out to get her. If I show my dad any emotion or unhappiness, he distances himself like I have a disease. And so, I'm left trying to sort everything out in my head... which isn't so terrible since I'm a loner. At the same time, it's painful having no one to express any feelings toward. Many people think I am cold, detached. I'm just unhappy and I have nothing to say. And now I have nothing to do.

fuck fuck fuck fuck
the art class is still not open
there's another art class i could try to force myself into..... but i'm not going to bother if i can't even get that other one
the fafsa website hasn't sent my stupid pin to me yet
my advisor hasn't replied to my e-mail
i'm running out of time
fuck fuck fuck fuck
*bangs head against monitor for good measure*

There's something about school that makes me feel utterly fucking hopeless. I have roughly 60 credits. Unfortunately, most of these tranfer pretty funkily from LCC to EKU. But that's all hunky dory.

What is not hunky dory is that 99% of the classes are closed now (well, duh). I had to force my way into an ART 101 class (Drawing II). So, I went by my fucked up CARES (sorta like an audit of what classes you need and what you have fulfilled), and registered for ANOTHER FUCKING ENGLISH COURSE OMG STAB ME IN THE EYES and a history. That's 3, total. I need one more class to be full time....

Underneath all this is such a great feeling of frustration that I either want to burn something down or steer my car off a tall bridge. I am sick of school and the BS that goes with it to the point that I would be quite happy to live in a cave somewhere and forget everything I know.

Things I still need to take care of:
Send a new transcript from LCC to EKU
Talk to the guy that handles transferred credits so he can fix my CARES to reflect what I really need
Renew my FAFSA so I can actually afford school.

I am so tempted right now to just drop everything. Fuck it all. I would like to get a BA, but I have only had 1 or 2 art classes... and it looks like I'll only be getting one more this semester. Great.

Given my state of mind, it's likely that if I do continue down this road my grades will remain shitty, I'll remain pissed off and generally bitchy, and I'll be stuck in school for 3 years. There's nothing for me in this. Why the fuck am I subjecting myself to this to begin with? Oh, that's right. I've been brainwashed into believing that going to college=success and success=happiness. But if you really stand back and look at it, going to college for me has been 7 years off and on of pure misery. Seven years I will never get back. Seven years and thousands of dollars taken from me, not given to me.

College is a load of crap.

So, I called the PD to complain about my neighbor's dog. The officer I spoke to, let's call him Officer Pass-the-Buck, is most helpful:

Me- Hello, I got this number from the website specifically for this problem and I would like to report a noisy dog.
Officer PTB- We don't go out on barking dog complaints. What you can do is record the occurances and blah di blah have them summoned to court blah blah blah.
Me- Oh... well.. that's something... *click*

Why would they have a phone number specifically for this purpose on their website if they're not going to do shit for it? Why not give directions on what actions should be taken on the fucking website? I don't want to have them go to court over a damn dog; I just want them fined so they get the message.

According to this page:

Barking Dog: Across dwelling unit boundary--Anytime.
Barking Dogs
It is unlawful to have a dog whose barking or yelping creates a noise disturbance across the boundaries of your residence. Violators may be charged under the noise ordinance (Section 14-72) and fined $25 to $500. Violations of this ordinance are handled by the Division of Police, please call 258-3600 to report this disturbance.

I may resort to covert ops... like delivering a print out of this page to my neighbors as a friendly threat. It's that or exlax hamburger for Mr. Doggy.

Well, I finally found out who my advisor is... took long enough. But I've contacted her, at least, and might drive to Richmond tomorrow to speak with her. My transcripts transferred kinda wonky, and I have to have another transcript sent with my last semester's courses on it (since I managed to pass them, and all). Thing is... my god, according to this magical CARES report, I have a shitload more crap to take. It's depressing, and I'm not sure I can do it in three years with summer sessions included. ~><~ I hate college.

But in other, better news, I can get an AA from LCC, I just need to send of some shit. Hurray.

My checking account is dwindling, so I'll have to transfer some of my savings over. Isn't being financially unstable fun? I'm trying to surmise what kind of job I can get in the spring to help me out. I've never been very good at seeing my own future.

And then... there's my car... which I should have had fixed a long time ago. I'll have to see about that very very soon, because I know driving to Richmond every other day is not going to be safe otherwise.

God, I'm boring. Heh.

I haven't had anything to write about. My life is basically the same shit over and over again. Every once in a while, I'll make some observations worthy of being written about but not today.

I'm getting super bored with the front bedroom floor I've been working on FOREVER. I started staining it today. I bleached it many times, but it still looks like crap... so, I see rugs in that room's future. The stain doesn't look bad, though.

Erm. So... 60 bucks for over $250 worth of books. Average rip off. $82 refund for my parking permit. And I spent the gift card my dad gave me today plus 30 dollars on anime I'm behind on. I got Wolf's Rain 2, 3, and 5; and a few other things. They were out of volume 4 ;;

It was strange walking into the place I worked in for five years. Very little had changed. My buttfucker of a ex-supervisor was there. >< I tried to run away as quickly as possible.

Besides this, according to the EKU website, advising resumes on Thursday. So.. I guess I'll haul my ass over there then and hope my advisor isn't out to lunch (I don't even have one yet... but I assure you, he'll be out to lunch--it never fails).

I'm desperately trying to go to bed at a decent hour. I'm almost there. Last night, I went to bed around 1am and got up around 7am. The sleepies hit me about one hour ago... and I feel a nap coming on. The constant rain isn't helping. It saps whatever reserves of strength I might have had. I can't remember the last time the ground was dry.

I have written down the police department number to call the next time I get the urge to kill my neighbor's dog. ^-^ Apparently, when you can hear a dog barking from anywhere inside your dwelling, the offender can be fined from $25 to $500. Doesn't matter what time of day it is. And, oh, yes, precious... sweet sweet vengeance shall be mine. This dog has been pissing me off for a few months now, but I've been reluctant to act since I don't know my neighbors that well. I was considering giving them a warning... but if they're too dim to realize that their dog is disturbing me and probably everyone else, fuck 'em. They do not walk their dog. I never see them play with it, walk it, etc. No, they shove it out the door for a few hours at a time. The poor thing sits by the door and barks. Each bark is followed by a sad little whimper. Bark whimper, bark whimper, bark whimper. If it didn't annoy the piss out of me, I might feel sorry for it.

So, yes, when I finally crack... I'm calling the cops, because I can't take it anymore and dumb people need to be reminded that they are dumb, I suppose.

Arghhh... wanty sleep.... murrrrr.

My New Year's resolutions: well, I would try to quit smoking altogether... but I don't see that happening, so I think I'll start another nasy habit. Maybe I'll take up spitting. That's equally or more disgusting. I will kick someone in the balls this year, or at least try. With enough force, I might be able to remove someone from the gene pool... and that would make me oh-so happy. ^-^ I will get a job that doesn't make me want to stick screwdrivers in my ears. I will eat and sleep like a normal human being at some point. (Obviously not now.)

For some reason, I want to pour lemon juice in my mouth.

I don't really do New Year's resolutions. I never have. Today, after I take a small nap so that I will be awake in a least a bit of daytime, I will drive downtown, probably have a nervous breakdown in the process, and sell back my school books. I would also like to take back my parking permit for a refund of this semester.... and.. hmm.. I guess maybe clean?

All terribly exciting.

Greetings, motherbitches. I currently have something in my eye, so imagine me sitting in front of the monitor glow with tears streaming from one eye as it pulses all blood-vessely and irritated. I dunno what's in there, but I can't get it out. WAH.

Okay, so... Um... I still have a fucked up sleep schedule thingy do dad. I woke up around 10 last night and have been up since. I have basically turned nocturnal, but for the past two days, I go to bed around 4 in the afternoon. Er. Right. I don't know how this happened, but I'm fixing it in increments. Unfortunately, I think I have lost my mind. Tonight, I will go to a potlucky thinger and eat good foodies while pissing on the New Year to come.

School. Well, I guess I have no choice but to haul my ass to EKU on Monday. I e-mailed my admissions person, but I expect they are on holiday and don't give a fiddler's fart about me wanting an advisor and all that. I grieve. I still need to sell back my books from last semester and get a refund on my parking permit, if possible (fuck UK. You suck the short wang stub).

Eye hurty...

I don't really having anything to write about. Hrm.

Bacon and eggs fumes erupting from my stomach up into my esophagus... not so much belching as arghhhhgha;ifghidgh. God, I need to sleep. X_x

It's not the way you look
It's not the way that you smile
Although there's something to them
It's not the way you have your hair
It's not that certain style
It could be that with you

If I had a photograph of you
It's something to remind me
I wouldn't spend my life just wishing

It's not the make-up
And it's not the way that you dance
It's not the evening sky
It's more the way your eyes
Are laughing as they glance
Across the great divide

If I had a photograph of you
It's something to remind me
I wouldn't spend my life just wishing

It's not the things you say
It's not the things you do
It must be something more
And if I feel this way for so long
Tell me is it all for nothing
Just don't walk out the door

If I had a photograph of you
It's something to remind me
I wouldn't spend my life just wishing
Wishing
A Flock of Seagulls

And holy fuck, Batman, look a the time. I should go to sleep soon.

I installed PSOBB because this little fuckrag from the past asked me to. Did I say fuckrag? He's only been bugging the shit out of me for the past 3 hours.... after years without a peep. Apparently, he's really gotten into the game. Nevermind it's in Japanese and he can't read a damn thing. Nevermind, he's paying 10.17 a month for a game he can't even read. Nevermind PSO is a cool game but COME ON?!?!

So, after several horrid issues, I'm stuck on the character creation. When I go to enter a name, I can't. Swell.

My head hurts.

I am such an idiot. I lost those forms EKU sent me... and one of them had a URL and code I was supposed to use to apply for an advisor and such. FUCK. I've looked all over the fucking place and can't find them. I think my dad must have accidently thrown them out while we were cleaning the kitchen.

I don't know what to do other than call EKU tomorrow and ask them what I need to do... I hate waiting 'til the last minute. This time, I really screwed myself. I should have gone to the website the day I got the letter.

Hell.

Oh, shit. it's 5:15 am. >.>

I went to bed at 8am this morning and woke up just a few minutes ago. >.> Actually, I woke up several times, peered over at the clock, and rolled back over and went to sleep

Christmas was entirely fake, per usual. Fake smile, fake interest, fake enthusiasm.

Wow, I killed the day pretty nicely, and now I don't know what to do with myself. Hmm, I do need to hunt down those forms EKU sent me. I hope my dad didn't accidently throw them away. I'm already pushing the envelope as it is. Guess I'm just thoroughly disgusted with myself after last semester. My brain isn't in the right place for any of this right now, if it ever were.

My mom stopped by today. She was brief, thank god. She gave me thirty bucks for watching her cats and left another fucking Avon catalog on my couch.

I have nearly all my shopping done. I'm in a bind, cuz I don't know what to get for my mom or dad. Daddy had wanted my sister and I to go in together on a kitchen hutch thing... but seeing as how I don't speak to her....

Shopping was tough since I'm so broke. I feel like I spent more money than I can afford, too. Oh, well... right?

Hope everyone had a good Yule, for those that celebrate it. I didn't do anything. But I rather enjoyed how quickly the day went dark and the icy rain.

Now if I can get rid of this gnawing feeling I have in my side.

Edit, 6:09am

Everything outside is covered in ice. I listened to it cracking on the tree branches as the wind knocked them against the roof of the house. And I heard the sheets of ice crackling on my window as the heat from inside melted them slowly.

I'll go to bed soon. I keep telling myself this. For some funny reason, I keep thinking about things better left forgotten. I suppose it's the winter freezing all my memories in perfect condition. Hopefully, when spring comes, they'll all shatter and melt away. The sad thing is, I keep saying a little prayer and farewell each time I am ready to fall asleep. It's like a daily affirmation... except it doesn't affirm anything. No matter how many times I tell myself to let go, the little stray thoughts come sneaking in and gather to form one big thought. And by then, it's like trying to hit a tiger with a flyswatter. Yeah, I have bad dreams. Repression is damaging my memory of other things.

I watched King Arthur the other night. I give it a D. I almost wanted to give it a C- for the few good cast members, but it's quite terrible.

My brain is being squished by my engorged sinuses! I've had entirely too much sugar in the past two days than any person should eat in, say, half a year. The realization that I am doomed to yet more school has yet dawn on me, though I can feel it creeping into the back door of my mind like a rapist in the night.

The holidays, per usual, are dreary and miserable and everything but cheery. Deck the halls with animal corpses, fa la la la la la la la la. Of all the pagan holidays to morph into Christianity, Yule has gotta be the dumbest. Everything's dead, cold, shitty.... LET'S CELEBRATE JEBUS. Naturally, anyone in this hemisphere feels down and tired and generally oogy, and on top of this we've gotta go all out to get in some spirit that reflects the complete opposite of what we're feeling inside. No wonder this is the peak season for suicides. If you're not perky and happy and surrounded by company, you might start to think you're an even more miserable wretch than you thought. No, you're quite normal. It's everyone else that's bonkers. Pretty, twinkling lights may dazzle the eye... And they are fun to watch in that grandiose waste of electricity sort of way, but I still see them as pinning a ribbon on a pile of poo. It may have a pretty bow, but it's still poo. Winter, the season of dead things, dead spirits, and the end of a cycle is hardly time for celebration. In fact, I think it's a part of the year we should mostly sleep through. We're tired, anyway, and we won't miss much.

So, I've been feeding my mom's cats all week while she's been in Texas. She called me last night to ask me to pick her up at the airport. I said yes. She said she should be in around 8pm. Earlier, I took off around 6. I drove by her house and brought in some delivery boxes that were in her driveway, checked the catfood bowls, etc. Then I went to the airport and parked in front of the lobby to wait for her, as she had told me to do. Eventually, right around 8, I see her strolling out with my sister. Hmm. That's interesting. Suddenly, I'm pissed off. Very very pissed off. They don't see me, so I leave. I start driving the wrong way and have to turn around at the first lights I see... then I head back toward town and to her house. At an exit, I hear my sister honk her horn behind me. Pissed-offed-ness increases ten-fold. I meet them in the driveway of the house I grew up in, give my mom her keys, and tell her never to ask me for anything again. Apparently, I'm not the dependable one, anyway. Then Tammy gives me some shit about me not anwering the phone and how it only wasted 45 minutes of my time. Sure, 45 minutes. Two hours. Same thing. How could I answer the phone if I'm out picking her ass up? And my dad says he never heard the phone ring.

Now, I ask you this... why ask someone to do something for you if you're going to ask someone else, too? She could have said, "I'd ask you to come pick me up, but I don't think you will, so I'll ask your sister instead," and I would have been fine with that. I'm a loser; no argument. But she asked me and I said yes. So, when I saw her walking out with Tammy.... after I'd been staring at the lobby for an hour and circling back around the terminal a couple times--Sorry, yes, I'm a little bit upset. And Tammy fucking trying to talk me down with her condescending bullshit fueled the fire. My mom was speechless. Ah, fuck them both. If they think I'm so useless, then why bother with me at all?

I would do well not to speak to either of them for a while. Not that I speak to my sister much, anyhow. She recently turned 30, and I didn't say a damned thing. Congratufuckinglations on turning 30! I hate your guts. DIE DIE DIE. Thanks for having a hand in ruining my childhood and mental welfare. Cheers!

I hate my family.

Mmm dorky goodness. In other news, I want Shelob's Lair with Frodo and Sam (action figure set thing). BUY IT FOR ME!! They have them at Wal*Mart. *plug plug plug* I saw it there earlier when I was getting one of my nieces a present (No, I didn't buy her anything LOTR related...). T_T GIMME. And dammit... everyone I know is already done shopping. Nooooo! GIMME.

O_O; So, I finished watching ROTK. Some very very nice new scenes. I'll not spoil... except to say, "OMG SARUMAN WTF?"

Hmm. I'm rather chipper now that I've accepted the fact that I failed so many classes.

But then... that might be the Cadbury pocky talking. Wait, I haven't eaten any yet. And it's not really pocky...

I woke up with a stain on my hands. No, literally. Although it would make a good metaphor... Eh. I can't figure out where it came from. I ate a tangerine last night, that's the only thing I can think of that might have stained my hands to look like I've been playing with fake tan lotion. But I'd washed my hands after eating the tangering, cuz it was sticky.

...

Had my last final today. I'm free for a few precious weeks. I may turn off my phone... no, wait, my ringer is already off. Hrmm. It feels good to be free, despite the fact that I did so poorly in my classes.

Every time I hit my ankle on something, I let out a silent scream. :)

My tummy hurts. I'm wearing this horrendous sweater vest I got at goodwill. It is itchy but warm.

While I was taking my exam, my nose decided it was time to unleash a flood of mucous from my head. This was not the first time that this had happened during a test. And I hate sitting in the back of the class, sniffling, and wiping snot from my nose before it dangles over my paper. ^-^ Nice image. Wait, I think a more appropriate smiley would look like this :~~(~~~.

It's time to vege.

*edit 4:52pm*

My daddy brought me the Return of the King Collector edition >:D (that, and a gift card for Best Buy). My XMas present. Mmmmm... I just started watching it a few minutes ago. Let the dorkdathon commense.

So, I may or may not have passed the anatomy exam. Even after studying until my eyes rolled back in my head, I still had to guess on 75% of the exam. I got all the bonus questions right--they were on naughty bits.

So, I have 2 hours until the math final. I am... full of dread :o and Life cereal. And I need to sell my books back while I can. EEK. I hear that I can get about 50 bucks back for the anatomy book... which is about half what I paid for it. Murr.

I am so terrible at cramming. I've been staring at my anatomy book, biology book, and algebra notes all weekend. Desperately trying to absorb what I couldn't in a few weeks is not very fun for the brain. Right, so... I'm going to study a bit in the morning, then scurry off to anatomy to fail! YAY. And then I'll wander over to math a few hours later (after cramming in the library) and fail that, too!

This entire semester has been a huge disappoint for me. Just like the last semester I took a couple springs ago. I thought that not working would allow me to focus on school, and that would probably have been true if I weren't such a depressed little shit. I cannot focus on anything. I can't even be arsed to do laundry, half the time. And when I study, everything goes right into my retina, through my optic nerve, and the shoots straight through my brain and exits somewhere behind my head... never to be seen again.

I look forward to throwing money at art classes. I can sit on my ass, draw naked people or wax fruit while thinking about gore and the west coast sinking into the ocean. Art needs no focus. At least, not for me. Half-assed-ness, thy name is Fyx.

My mother flew to Texas today. My sister drove her to the airport, so I'm sure I'll never hear the end of that.

Gotta go to sleep now, so I can wake up early enough to cram a bit more.

I had this weirdass dream about zombies before I woke up. I was in a rather large city that I don't recognize... Apparently, everyone that wasn't zombified had somehow locked themselves inside. It was very Dawn of the Dead.... which is even more odd, because I haven't seen the movie recently nor was I thinking about it. Okay, so, I think the other people in the house (Cuz I was barracaded inside a house with a bunch of other people) and I think all the zombies have died or were some how wiped out by a "cure" (which made them stay dead?). There are people in the streets that seem to be in disbelief. Looks like a bunch of people have poured back into the city. So, we open the door and people begin conversing about the ordeal... When suddenly, one woman starts complaining that she doesn't feel right. She looks like she's about to turn zombie. At this point I'm freaking out and start pushing her toward the door. By the time I shove her out onto the steps of the house I'd just been barracaded in, I yell for everyone in the street to run. The woman turns around, complete zombie, and throws herself into the door, which I've barely gotten shut. I put my weight into it and close it, but I can't get the lock to catch. So, there I am, holding a door closed against a single zombie. Finally she wanders away, but no one knows where she went. And then, I woke up.

Fun times.

My ankle is bothering me.

Now back to cramming for finals.

I had found this godly lotion a couple years ago. It is godly for many reasons: it's thick, nongreasy, the skin drinks it in, and it's inexpensive. And it's a store brand. OMG. I've found other lotions with almost the same chemical formula priced much higher.

Well, anyway, I've discovered that mixing the lotion with aloe vera gel is more than divine. My skin is so soft :o

So, that's my wisdom for the day: get your favorite lotion and mix it with aloe vera gel.

I have finals next week. There goes my weekend. Not that I had plans, anyway. Although, I do have to drive my mother to the airport Sunday morning, I think. Dammit. I have to do very very very well on my anatomy final, or I'm sure I'll fail the class. ^-^

I have to go Christmas shopping soon. Dread + 1.

I'm still pretty bothered by the fact that I found out someone I've known on FFXI (who was leading another boy on for nearly a year) is a male and not a female as he had pretended to be. I wouldn't think anything of it, since I've seen it before... but a whole fucking year? Come on, that's just cruel. I mean, cruel to the point that he deserves the same amount of emotional or physical hurt that he dealt. My nurturing and protective instincts fly off the charts when people I know and care about are hurt. I'm trying to distance myself from it... but it's still such a shock.

I can't believe 2005 is upon us. O_O Another year wasted! Go, Fyx!

Until the End of the World
Haven't seen you in quite a while
I was down the hold, just passing time
Last time we met it was a low-lit room
We were as close together as a bride and groom
We ate the food, we drank the wine
Everybody having a good time
Except you
You were talking about the end of the world

I took the money, I spiked your drink
You miss too much these days if you stop to think
You led me on with those innocent eyes
And you know I love the element of surprise
In the garden I was playing the tart
I kissed your lips and broke your heart
You, you were acting like it was the end of the world

In my dream I was drowning my sorrows
But my sorrows they learned to swim
Surrounding me, going down on me
Spilling over the brim
In waves of regret, waves of joy
I reached out for the one I tried to destroy
You, you said you'd wait until the end of the world

U2