currently: burn, baby, burn

*listening to Radiohead's OK Computer*

I did end up taking a shower to get rid of my headache earlier today. Nothing like sitting in my element to make me feel better.

Everything is blurring together right now.

I need to talk to an advisor this week. >_< I hate school! argh! If only technical school weren't so expensive. ;_; I wanna do Hollywood make-up.... but where the hell do you start with that in this podunk town? Drama? Ugh... shoot me.

*lights a cancer stick*

I was working on Toni's b-day present again earlier. *cringes* paintin' on cloth is not fun by any means. Remind me to never do it again. And I don't know how the hell she's gonna wash the thing. I wonder when I'll finish it. I have plenty of time before her birthday.

So, I was talking to this kid I know today, and he's in the middle of puberty. The poor thing is so brain-washed by the media and his own horomones that he thinks sex is the best thing in the world, and he's never even had it.
Tsk
I told him that there's more to life than sex and so on and so forth. blah blah di blah. Then he told me he wasn't happy with his life. It seems to be the teenage disease--suicidal thoughts. I've met few teenagers that haven't thought about killing themselves. But I brightened his thoughts a little bit. You gotta admit, life sucks a great deal, but it's not as bad as we tell ourselves it is. And most of those reasons we give ourselves seem so superficial and pathetically stupid when we're in a happier mood and think back on them.

I think we're all guilty in indulging in a little self-pity. If you don't pity yourself, who will, right? But it doesn't mean things aren't going to change the next day.

The kid said to me that he dreamed of having a great job and a nice house and a beautiful wife someday, but he's not smart--so no nice job and house, and he's not attractive--so no beautiful wife. I said, "Money and beauty are nice things, but they're temporary and ultimately won't make you happy, anyway." You're only goal in life should be happiness. And not false happiness. Not the kind of happiness that disappears should your house burst into flames. Not the kind that comes in a container. Not the kind that can die.

So, why can't I take my own advice?

phew, for a minute there i lost myself
i lost myself

Happiness is an emotion after all. Not material, chemical, or biological.

I have my doubts about prescription drugs that alter the chemical balance of the brain. I'm sure they help to a degree... but to be dependent on a drug to insure mental well-being? To have to pay for your mental well-being? Gee, where do I sign up.

I could be wrong, but I would hazard a guess to say that everyone's a little fuct up today according to current psychological profiling. Prozac'll be in the water supply any day now.
look out for a sudden increase in water tax.

Tomorrow, the week starts again. More work, more school, more stress. More naps. More baths. More writing, I'm sure.

bai bai for now. see below for the entry before this one.

3:15 p.m.

currently: *pout*

*listening to De/Vision's "Bleed Me White"*

I am not going to question how much worse yesterday was for me after I went to sleep. I will not. I will imagine how horrible it was..... but I refuse to find out.

It was one of those days where nothing goes right, no matter what you do. So badly, in fact, that you could sit back on your heels and watch things go splat.

De/Vision isn't really setting the mood.... but I can't bring myself to change it.

Despite what it seems, I'm actually okay. But I've got a headache. I got plenty of sleep, too. The only dream I recall involved Wal-mart and Justin. It was rather stupid, and I'm not even going to bother interpretting it. Justin looked like the Justin I knew sophomore year in high school. I think.

Damn, my head hurts. >_<

Don't tell me everything's okay. Don't tell me my intuition is wrong.

*Mesh "Self Healing Lie" plays*

you need somebody with feelings that can't get inside your head

Now my tummy hurts. GRR. stop it.

I might have to climb into the bathtub and lie there for a while if this persists. I love water. I am water. My strength is in water.

I wish I didn't work tomorrow. While I'm wishing, I wish I didn't work at all, I wish I didn't go to school, and I wish I was rich. feh.

I wanna curl up in a ball in the bathtub....