I suppose we're all voyeurs in the land of online diaries/blogs/journals. I don't get the urge to read random diaries too often... I usually stick to people I know. I write the most out of all of them because apparently I feel the need to share meaningless tripe with the world more often than they do. ^_^;;
It's almost intoxicating to watch over someone without his/her knowledge. But then the urge to interfere becomes too great to ignore if you watch for too long.
If you've seen the movie Eye of the Beholder, then you get the idea. "My guardian angel..."
I used to have a bad habit of protecting people. I'm a watcher, by nature, and I could never fully stay on the sidelines. It's not that I wanted to participate. I never wanted to get tangled up in the real world. But I'd jump in a take care of someone or defend them in a heartbeat instead of letting them fend for themselves.
I guess it somewhat ties into what I wrote about in the last entry.
At any rate, I'm safely on the sidelines right now. I don't have anyone to protect, so that helps.
I called in to work today and slept til 7pm. You need not know the details.
Rask and I talked about knowing that what's going on with us won't last forever. We're not foolish enough to believe it will, and we've accepted it. Part of me despises ever opening up to him, ever letting it get this far, and ever loving him. But I don't regret it. Despite all my wetware tells me, I don't regret it.
I believe we won't lose touch. I do wonder what will unfold in the years to come for both of us. But it doesn't fill my every thought. It's somewhere in the background, weaving a rug to lie on when things go awry. I've been preparing myself for the inevitable since I felt things grow outside of the garden. I'm prepared... but I'll never be ready. *grin*
Now, I leave this entry.
