currently: naughty

*listening to Tool*

I just drew a naughty picture. o.O
But it's ugly, so I won't post it anywhere ahahahah. hmmm. I was in a perverted mood.

I woke up late today, since I went to bed only this morning. EHEhehe. I took some sleeping pills a few minutes ago to insure that I'll sleep tonight since I work in the morning. Pah, stupid work.

I seriously considering dropping my math class. I don't want it to fuck up my GPA. I might retake it over the summer. Ugh... wasted money. Fucking college.

Yes, my vocabulary is limited. I've been feeling very off the entire week. It's hard to put my finger on. I just don't want to deal with anything right now. I want to hide away.

as above so below I imagine...drawn outside the lines of reason... push the envelope...watch it bend

If I give in to longing, I know it will damage me. I'm trying to keep my head on straight, but my thoughts way it down 'til all I can look at is the ground. It's not depression. What it is, is the thing I can't put my finger on. I've never felt this before. It's saturated my entire being, and yet I can't define it.

Does my unfamiliarity with love play a part with my inability to understand it?

I live in a family where no one ever says "I love you." I've long since given up the possibility of that ever happening. I'm not even sure I could say it now. It was enough that I was born, I suppose, for them. I sometimes wonder if I had turned out differently... would I have heard those words at some point?
Most people have a bond with at least one family member. At least, that's my understanding. But I don't have a connection with anyone. I'm the black sheep. And each of them shake their heads at me while I stick my tongue out at them. Or flip them off when they're not looking.

Enough about that.

It's freaking cold again. I kept waking up while I was in bed today because I can't sleep when I'm cold. I'm turning on the space heater tonight. I need to sleep, so I can get back on a functional schedule. I feel bad when I sleep too much (even though it feels so good at the time and it takes a tornado to get me out of bed).

Okay, I've spent too much time writing. I must crawl into bed with some comic books. pretty.