currently: sweepy

*listening to Apop*

I just got home. I'm going to bed soon.... I didn't get a nap =(

So, I did go to the play. An evening show. And later, I hung out and bonded with Carey and a few familiar faces from a Christmas party long ago.

It was strange seeing Justin perform once more. Well, some could say his entire life is a performance.

My head is killing me. I started getting a slight sinus headache in the middle of the play, but I tried my best to ignore it through the evening. Ow. ow. ow.

My cat is hissing at me because I smell like strangers. -__-.

Okay, I go now... before my brain bursts and dribbles out my nostrils. There's a pretty image.

12:54 p.m.

currently: don't come any closer

*listening to New Order's Get Ready*

I woke up rather early. I guess it's due to that 6 hour nap I had yesterday. ^^. Oops.

Well, the Justin's play is this afternoon. I don't particularly want to go since he all but ignores me. And I've seen him act already. If I don't go, then I'm one step closer to saying goodbye forever.

Saying goodbye to someone who's not in my life anyway should be easy, ne? I'm learning to do it. Not by choice, but because individuals have left me with no other options. I dislike saying goodbye. When people disappear, I get these little annoying worrier parasites in their places.

Like anyone, I feel rejected. I wonder why suddenly they're too good for me. I think it's fair to establish that my self-esteem is near non-existant. However, I don't blame myself when people ignore me. Well, most of the time. If people change in a way that makes them think they're better than others, I don't want to know them anymore, anyway. To hell with the pretentious bastards.

It hurts sometimes to see people change into something unappealling. I've watched others go through the most ridiculous phases. Or try their damnedest to change. It's difficult to stifle my laughter. Other times, it's sad.

Probably one of the most remarkable events in a person's life is when they realize and/or accept who they are and stop pretending to be more or less than that.
For instance, when I just gave up and accepted that I'm a hopeless romantic sap, everything became a little clearer to me. Luckily, being a cynic prevents me from idealizing romance, and I'm painfully aware of the real world.

You say you want a revolution
well, ya know
We all wanna change the world

We really don't have much to complain about, now do we? Ya still do, though. I can't, for the life of me, figure out why. You've had it all. You've tasted delicacies many will never even come close to in their lifetimes. In short, how dare you claim your life has been cruel?

*listening to the Cranberries, Bury the Hatchet*

I'm giving up alcohol. I don't drink that often, anyhow, so it's no loss. I may have an occassional drink at a social function.... but I don't go to many of those, so that means I'm pretty sober from here on out. Why? Alcohol's a waste of time for me. And though I'm all for killing time, I could at least do it with something less disgusting. You have to admit, the only thing alluring about liquor is the sometimes pleasant feeling of brain cells being slaughtered. Every once in a while, I'll find a liquor that tastes decent (like Irish Whiskey or mead)... but even then, I'm thinking, "What the frell am I drinking this crap for?"

Now, if only I could give up smoking. Health has never been important to me, since I hold very little value to my actual life. I guess I'll think differently when it comes to an end. For the time being, I'll try to enjoy myself.

Nicotine must be the only thing holding me to cigarettes. No, I know it is. Too much of it makes me sick, so I'm not a heavy smoker. I know people with oral fixations that just have to have a cigarette in their mouths at all times. Depending on how stressed I am, I smoke 7-10 cigarettes a day. If I'm drunk, it's a much higher number. Yet another reason not to drink.

My, I've rambled quite a bit today, huh?

Time to ramble on... in other directions.