currently: *le sigh*

*listening to Boa, "Fool"*

So, I went over to my mother's house to pick up a late-why-even-bother birthday present (my birthday's in February, for fuck's sake). It was this this fill in the blank book of the angels in my life. *insert smirk here*
Angels? Firstly, I'm not even remotely Christian. Secondly, I don't believe in such horseshit, but I respect the concept.
The book is overly sentimental crap, such as, "My mother is an angel because...." and "This person is my love angel because...." If I bother to fill in the blanks, it'll be with sarcasm and bitterness which I'll never be able to show my mother, for it would surely make her either kill me or herself. *pauses to think* That might not be such a bad thing. Oh, I'm not supposed to say things like that. I have to be cheerful and bright and a ray of sunshine.

I'll not kid myself. I'm negative by nature. I see the darkside of everything despite what people keep telling me.
"Let a smile be your umbrella."
Fuck off, before I shove an umbrella up your arse.

Mommy (yes, that's what I call her, and my father is Daddy) bought my lil' brother a beta fish. I give it less than a week before it sees the outside of the aquarium.

I reformatted Justin's diary because it was ugly as sin. Yep, I chatted with him for a whole 30 minutes, maybe. Still don't wanna go out for a drink. If he wants to reminisce about the old days, he shouldn't have virtually ignored me for a year. He's asked for forgiveness before, but that might make him feel like he didn't do anything wrong. Besides, I'm not eager to keep company with people that drop me like a hat then suddenly want to put it back on just to remember what they looked like in it. I recognize bullshit like this when I see it. Now, I'm not saying that I hate Justin. No, I could never hate him. Other than ignoring me, he's never hurt me.

*"Welcome" comes on*

If you said it and said it clearly
It would be heard by me
If you felt it, felt it in your heart
If your mind inside was like mine
You would find and see me
You would be welcome in my dreams
You would be welcome...
WE have argued till we are black and blue
Nothing to say this is what I tell you
Happiness is as freedom
It is welcome
If you saw this,
You would know this is the truth
All of your hopes inside are lonesome
Without me, inside of you
I feel the world calling--I will wait for you
Oh, how you are dear to me
If you knew this you would see, this is the truth
You would be welcome in my dreams
You would be welcome...
You'd be welcome
No man welcome
No woman welcome
Mmm no woman, no man

Boa, "Welcome"

La. la la la.

Please, don't. Please.... don't do what you say you will do. Everything is so fragile... even our sweetest moments. Oh, please, don't break it all apart just yet. Let it shatter in time. Let it chip away.

*babble babble*

*smokey treat* I thought I was the only person that used such a cheezy phrase, then Justin wrote it in an IM.

I guess there's one thing about myself that I'm proud of. I've never tried to be someone I'm not. I usually say what's on my mind unless it's going to hurt someone. And even then, sometimes things slip out. My emotions, though... Well, they're another story. Very few people ever get to know how I feel. I'm so good at pretending, that people never think to ask.

I was reading back in my hardcopy journal, and I found this interesting entry. It made me think, "Wow, I actually make sense sometimes. Pity no one will ever know."

I'm bored. But I don't want to do anything. I think I'll just sit back and paint or read something. Tata.