currently: murr

*listening to Delerium, Semantic Spaces*

What?

Shit.

Distract me.... Please... distract me. Don't let me go, don't let me fade. Burning up like Mercury. Lost all ability. Letting go of yesterday. Freed... freed of everything.

There's no one here but me. I have my water, my cigarettes for company. The delightful beat of synthetic noise, the tapped out words of fox-like boys... are all I need to be at ease.

And I'm beginning to sound like Seuss....*smacks forehead*

I'm suddenly very very mellow. It's firghtening. It's as if a moment of clarity is about to come forth from the depths of my gray matter.

Clarity terrifies me. Keep me in the fog. Keep me from seeing things I don't want to see. Don't let the horrible reality come to light. Everything is so much better in the darkness, where you can lie to yourself as much as you like and never know the difference.

---later---

I'm going down to thimble island... la la la

Perhaps it's the fact that my brain is boiling or that I'm bored out of my socks or that the sky just opened up and roared to life.... but I feel really really off right now. I'll open a window.

I'm pretty sure everyone is aware of this by now, but in case you're not, I have a real potty mouth on me. If this sort of thing offends you, you're probably not even reading this. And if you are, fuck off.

Rain is nice. I love rain.

I have been writing a lot lately... mainly because I don't want to fill my hardcopy with this tripe. That's what this is for, after all. Brain sludge. And some of the things stumbling around in my brain like drunks in search of trash cans... well, I'm not ready to confront them on paper just yet. Every time I lie down with my violet ink pen and beaten up diary, things end up spilling out that I'd rather not read. Sad things. Vicious things. Honest things. I'm big on honesty... but to read, to see the shit stuck to the inside of my skull.... it's not pretty.

*Rasputina's "Cabin Fever!" on shuffle*

That rain sounds so beautiful... Oh, to lie under it in my t-shirt and jeans. I think I will. brb...

I'm completely soaked. But it felt damn good. Mmm.

It's funny when people have conversations about sex in front of me and automatically include me, assuming I have had sex. I guess celibate people are rare or not the people you would suspect. Then again, it's not as if I am innocent. Still, it amuses me. I just nod my head, pretending to show interest or understanding. It's not easy to say something once a conversation's begun, unless a question is directed towards me. At that point, I just say, "I wouldn't know," and smile. And then comes the inevitable assumption that I'm just a virgin. No, you fucking morons, that's not it. But I usually let them have that "knowing" little grin. No point in ruining it for them. Besides, I get to enjoy the awkward moment they struggle to re-include me in the conversation.

Hmm. What else can I babble about in the wee hours of the morning?

No, I don't go out much. Since being royally fuct in the head by a friend, I only keep two close ones. It's kinda sad, but I don't want to have more for fear of being mind-fuct again. As it is, there's not much in my skull to fuck. Other than this, I don't have an excuse.

I'll admit, I do avoid people. Maybe I'm preparing myself for the rest of my life. I'd be quite content to go into hiding. And I think at some point, I'll have to. I'm a little troublemaker, I am.

Hoo boy, it's 4am. tata for now.

The Ring Wait a minute! You're not a hobbit! You're the ring! How'd you sneak into the hobbit quiz?!?! Maybe because you are an evil tool of the dark lord. You tempt everyone with your beauty and the power you offer and then you betray them! Mwahaha! Few can resist your power... Damn you are evil!

Take the "Which Hobbit are you?" quiz created by Cora Black!

well, I kinda evil. ^_^