I'm trying to teach myself not to expect anything from anyone or any given situation. Expectations are rarely met. I thought I had an exam today, but it's actually next Wednesday. Hmm. And I rushed to class, thinking I would be late since I woke up 30 minutes before it started. Woopsy.
Nothing exciting is going on. Not that it bothers me. I'm quite content to have nothing to do sometimes.
All things mechanical are arguing with me. GRrrr OBEY!
I stood on mountain tops that overlooked the world
I can't find anything except the void inside
I went to places where I could forget your name
I can't find anything except the void inside
I don't have anything because I don't have you
I don't have anything
It's my day off, and I've done absolutely nothing. Going to the gym later, but that doesn't count for anything. It's more or less a time killer.
Murr. What is it about scars that makes people grimace? Personally, I don't grimace because my mind is too busy thinking about just how they happened and the pain that must have accompanied them. I do not find scars ugly. How can the way someone's flesh sewed itself back together be ugly? The smoothness of replaced skin, the difference in color... nothing short of a miracle that it happens at all.
Or maybe everything I've ever been exposed to has made me less superficial than the average. It's not a high tolerance; it's that I simply don't look for reasons to criticize anyone. This, of course, goes out the window once a person opens his/her mouth.
No one has come to me for advice in a while. It is quiet yet disconcerting. I always wondered why people came to me for therapy. I suppose I'm just neutral enough that they knew my judgement was fair and honest. And I never do anyone harm. I'm not interested in it--unless the ones I care for are affected by another's actions or words. Then, alpha female characteristics set in, and I go into over-protective mode.
But I've all but smothered that aspect of myself. Having less to protect has changed me. Unfortunately, it's also taken away what little sense of purpose I had.
La.
dizzy