currently: twitching

listening to Poe's Fly Away

Hmm, so I just read Kuroiko's diary. I can't believe Julie showed up on your doorstep. Does she somehow think she has any connection to her? As I recall, Kuroiko was never a big fan of Julie.
Her visiting Fox makes me all fucking paranoid. Grrrr. Is she trying to take Fox out of my life? It's bad enough she kicks me out of her own life.... but this! What the hell is this!??! Goddammit.... It's bad enough that I'm onto the angry part of grieving, but I'm PMSing, as well--and now this! AGGGHHHHH!!!!!!

"I can only think of three words to express the female sex.... None of which are worth expressing."~Orlando

And I'm female. But that's how I feel right now. I can think of a few words to describe Julie at this moment, but none of them are worth sharing. For a while, I felt pity for her--that was back when I thought she would come to her senses; that maybe she was temporarily insane--yet now I hold no positive sentiments for the woman. In fact, woman is too good a term for her. Horrid wretch of what was once a person suits her better.
I've mentioned Julie once before here, and I didn't want to go into the whole miserable situation. Now, I think it's time I vent.
She completely stopped talking to me and left me with no way of finding out where she was. Why? I discovered later all the bullshit I wrote about several days ago in here. Basically, I found out through other people, inluding Fox, that she believes I had feelings for her then husband or had perhaps even slept with him.
This is how I feel about Joey--the husband and now ex: He's a filthy sack of shit that I wouldn't wish on anyone. That she could ever think I had any interest in him both pisses me off and hurts me. I'm sorry, but even if I weren't celibate, I have much higher standards than the likes of Joey. I'd rather have sex with a tree stump. It's probably cleaner and loyaler and more sensitive than Joey could ever be in a thousand lives. Why, even now, I hear rumors that he's gotten another girl pregnant. I'm sorry Julie's child has that piece of crap as a father. I regret ever having tolerated him when I was Julie's friend. Perhaps if I had re-emphasised to Julie how much I despised him, she wouldn't have ever thought I had any interest in him. On the other hand, she loved him so blindly that she wouldn't listen and sometimes exluded people who spoke negatively about him from her life. I couldn't win, obviously.
I keep trying to tell myself that I'm better off not being around Julie anymore since she so casually treated me like shit, but it's hard to keep that train of thought after "knowing" her for over ten years. I hope she regrets. I hope and pray she's sorry. But to tell the truth, if she does and ever attempts to reconcile our friendship, I would sooner spit in her face than accept her back into my life. Why would I want to be friends with someone again that didn't give a second thought even after ten years to my loyalty to her? For her child's sake, I hope she learns to trust the people that are supposed to matter in her life. I trusted her. Shows what a moron I was, I guess.
So, now I have trust issues with everyone.
Fucking bitch.

Okay, I'm through venting for the day. maybe.