currently:

*listening to VNV Nation, Empires*

I have so many things tumbling around my head which I want to write, but I cannot find the proper words to express them. Instead, I banter on, rarely touching base. I feel as though a few synapses in my brain are not firing correctly.

Brave new world, I've lost my voice. I am not whom I once was. I feel medicated but no drugs are in my system. Sometimes, it's as though I am a wave rushing through my skin but not living inside of it. I need peace. I need to sit under the branches of a great tree and press my fingertips to the earth. I need to stare at the sky.

I'm blinking between spaces of physical reality, and the concentration of electricity surges through me and distracts me. For a moment, I can believe there is more than this life.

I draw back the curtains and let the sunlight pour into the room. Have I been in darkness all along? There is something more than living. There is something more than emotion. There is something more than faith. It's on the tip of my tongue. If it were as simple as a vision, I could describe it to you. If it weren't so elusive, I could capture it in words. I'm frustrated with the human mind's inability to understand. I'm frustrated with my own weakness.

From my mortal self, the body and mind that toil through time and indulge in the senses, the intricate design that weaved them together is spilling. And while I radiate this "aura" of static, it interferes with my ability to think.

Is it for good or bad? I wonder.