currently: pushing up daisies

*listening to Loreena McKennitt's version of Dark Night of the Soul*

I need to have my skull cracked open and examined. Just to make sure if there is indeed anything inside. Sometimes, I doubt it. To know one's own stupidity is a terrifying thing. To think, I've been wandering through this life, pondering one inane thing after another, and finding nothing of value. The only things worth having are the things you cannot touch.

If I read back through all the things I've written for myself, I see these simple phrases; simple phrases that mean so much yet even I don't truly understand them.

would you like my mask
would you like my mirror

Where do I go from here? I feel as if my feet are nailed into the earth. I can hear voices whispering at my ear, through my skin, behind my eyes. Each with something different to say.

All hail the broken.

I do not think I can continue. I curled up in the closet, leaned against the wall, closed my eyes, and thought or tried to think about what it is my heart really wants. I never wanted to want. I never wanted to need. And now, I think I've spoiled that innocent dream.

For some reason, The Last Unicorn comes to mind. That poor creature that learned regret. A creature that would have been unspoiled....

Liberate me.