currently: disbelieving

*listening to New Order's Temptation*

In a few hours, I'll be 23. What's 23 feel like? Can't be much worse, I suppose, than 22.

Gods, I hate birthdays. Maybe it's due to constantly being forgotten or overlooked. I dunno. Maybe it's just facing the fact that another year's gone by, and I've accomplished nothing. A lot of nothing.

I went over to my sister's house today. Seems every time I visit her, she makes sure to mention that I'm "weird" because I don't want a family. She says I don't act my age. Well, I've discussed before how I think she feels about me. No need to summarize that again. I just wish she wouldn't see me as weird. I mean, she is family. Can't she just respect my wishes? What's so wrong about not running out and finding a man so I can have 2.5 kids and mortgage? Is that un-American of me? Or even, unnatural?

It's just not who I am. I'm never going to "settle down." Not that I'm a little misfit now. What the hell does "settle down" imply, anymore? *sigh* Why's it so hard for her to accept that I'm not going to make little babies for her kids to pick on? I'm not going to marry and live down the street from her with a white picket fence around my lawn. It'll be a wonder if I stay in the same state.

_-_-_-

*now listening to Sade's No Ordinary Love*

This is something I wrote in my hard copy journal today:

I took another wrong turn and ended up driving way way way out--so far from my destination that I had to light another cigarette just to cope. I drove roads I'd never been on before in my life. When I finally saw some familiar signs, I followed them with hope in my heart. I made it home. I must have driven around aimlessly for an hour. Now that I think about it, that drive is like a big, ugly metaphor for my life. No direction, just keep driving. Keep going 'til you see a way. Don't cry. You're lost... just laugh it off. Step on the gas. You don't know where you're going until you get there.

I hate it when I start to make sense.

Ooo... someone's growing impatient. He wants to do bad things to me. O_O *thinks to self* What did I ever do to deserve him?

*puts on The Cars' Who's gonna drive you home?*

Who's gonna tell ya things aren't so great? You can't go on, thinking nothing's wrong. Well, who's gonna drive you home tonight?

I wonder, when everything shatters and falls to pieces, will we still listen to each other? Or will we dust it all under the rug and forget about it...?